Cowardice Revised

So, as an addendum to my last post about breaking up via email or IM being a cowardly thing to do, I have come across a perspective I never considered till now.  This perspective presented itself in the form of the opinion of a friend who is of the opposite sex and who is also not afraid to disagree with me on occasion.  He doesn’t always disagree with me and he doesn’t feel he has to disagree just to demonstrate his personhood.  I guess what I’m trying to say is he is simply okay with putting himself out there and he is really okay with whatever he gets back from me even if it isn’t a perfectly synonomous perspective.

After reading my post, he commented, “Hmmm, if a woman doesn’t want to date me I’m not sure I want to spend an hour with her while she goes into all the details of why it isn’t working for her.  I just want to know so I can be done with it.”  He then admitted that his perspective is probably due to the differences between men and women.  I think I probably agree.  I also think that there are degrees of relationship.  If the two people were building something and feelings were starting to grow and develop, it is always a decent thing, I believe to deliver the news as directly as possible. It communicates respect for the person and their humanity.  However, in looking at the same picture through my friend’s lense, I’d have to say, in brutal honesty with myself that I really don’t want to take the time out of my life to have a guy dump on me.  Because, as the single mom of four kids, it would require some scheduling and in the process more emotional energy is expended.  It isn’t energy I mind giving up if I feel that investment in the relationship is a shared feeling.  If it is not, please save me the hassle and let me know and, please, do it sooner rather than later.  I still feel that simply going silent, while it does get the message across, is the biggest form of cowardice there is, especially if you shared any kind of intimacy with the other person.  I am, however, probably willing to relax my perspective and redefine cowardice where the email and IM is concerned, unless, it has been a relationship of significant length or, again, depth.

It’d be nice to hear what others think on the topic.  What is the best way to say good-bye when dating someone?   Again, no judging here on my part.  I don’t want to pick any fights, I simply want to get a feel for what the masses think and why they think it.  I guarantee it will educate this Wild Mind, and maybe help some others as well. Don’t be shy!

2 thoughts on “Cowardice Revised

  1. Hey, thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment!

    This is an interesting post to me because I have had not 1, but 2! breakup/DTR’s (define the relationships) over Gchat on Gmail. At first, I was like, wow, how lame was that. But then, when I thought about it, since the two relationships were in the infancy stage, probably not even past the first trimester so to speak, I felt like it was an efficient and harmless way to go about it. And, since it was initiated by the FEMALE, I doubly felt assured that they were going to be able to deal with it well through said method. Haha….but I do agree with you, if there is any kind of depth or length to the relationship, IM or email probably isn’t the way to go… “So, I know we’ve been married for 10 years now…but fyi, btw, i hate your guts and rotflol every time I think of having sex with you…ttyl.”

    Kevin…

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