Bang Head Here!

Yep!  I have this sign posted in a visible place where I will see it daily.  Most people find it amusing.  Some want it for themselves because they find it humorous.  I personally think it is a sad statement about me that the sign is not a joke for me…I actually use this sign and lately more so than usual.  It’s back-to-school time again and with it comes the usual transition from lazy (or at least very relaxed and unscheduled) days to a lifestyle that moves at warp speed. 

Add to this, that I’ve just sent my first child off to college which is both a blessing and a hindrance all of which equates to one big adjustment for the family.  As if we haven’t been through enough adjustments in the last few years.

I guess the statement, “The only constant is change” really is more true than not.  I should after all this time be getting used to it.

The reality?  I haven’t written as often nor as well as I’d like here of late. 

Currently, I’m working on a piece about the significance of phallic symbols in post modern society.  I know.  I know.  People think I’m crazy, but while the ancient Egyptians were quite open and unreserved about phallic symbols, we as a more evolved culture are less so or so it seems.  I have some theories about this.  I don’t think we are less interested in them.  In fact, I think, if we just look phallic symbols are everywhere.  But then maybe that’s just me…

Stay tuned.  When I get through this next week and I get time to really research this topic, I’ll let you know what I discovered.  In the meantime, if you’re so inspired and you have any information you’d like to add as I develop my thoughts, don’t hesitate to share your insights in a comment here.

Blog365 Challenge: Blog Vitamins or The Death Knell?

Alright, I’m in, I suppose.  I can’t believe I’m doing this!  We’ll see how it goes.

I stumbled across this Blog 365 Challenge at http://blog365.ning.com/.  The challenge is to blog every day for a year.  Okay, I guess.  Like a sucker I decided to go for it.  Probably not a smart thing to do considering I’m feeling pretty stale in my writing these days and pretty discouraged about it all.  I mean, there are some really cool blogs out there and, well, mine’s not one of them…yet.  It could be like blog vitamins, this one a day thing or it could spell the death knell for my blog.

But then I tell myself, “Self, you didn’t start this blog thing to take the world by storm, you started this for you so you could practice and get more confident about writing.” 

“Yeah, yeah.  I suppose,” I reply back impatiently, thinking all the while that I’m not sure I’m any more confident and I’m only a little better…sigh. 

What I know is this, to write the good stuff, the stuff that’s thoughtful, intelligent and actually meaningful which might hopefully spark some discussion takes time and that time, at least for me, doesn’t occur in large enough quantities on a daily basis.  Therefore, writing every day is almost becoming a death knell since the only thing I can do is something random and unplanned, like this.   My time doesn’t exactly free up when I go back to school in the fall either.  Oh, what have I done??????

But this Blog 365 was something different and if I don’t make it, who cares? Right? 

I’ll care, I know I will.  I’m just like that.

Has the Wild Mind Also Died?

Have you noticed how non-existent I am here?  Like what’s up with that?  The Wild Mind gets on and posts a wimpy (at best) post about Michael Jackson and then disappears.  Hmmm, makes you wonder what I’ve been up to.  Or…makes you wonder if I died like all the rest of the celebrities out there.

Okay, rest assured I haven’t died.

Yes, I have struggled a bit with writer’s block due to the fact that certain someone’s might be reading this blog and trying to read between the lines and of course I don’t want them to get the wrong impression so I….*deeep inhale* ….need to take a freaking breath and just write what I want to write.  But also…and more importantly…I’ve struggled because my life is changing at light speed…due to my own initiative…thanks…and well…I just want to write about something more important than Fire Trucks and swimming pool pumps and hoses hooking up.  I mean, as fun as that is…it is so not where I live and other things are motivating me right now.  Sigh. 

The Wild Mind is in a Wild State of Transition….I guess?  Maybe? 

Or…The Wild Mind is simply being proactive and deciding to live life…instead of merely writing about it after the fact?

Okay…all of the above is true.

Here’s what you (you being anyone interested besides The Wild Mind’s Self) need to know:

* yeah, okay, I admit…life has been busy and rather than write about how I’m accomplishing my New Year’s Resolutions, I am actually out there accomplishing them.

* I’m done with dating derelict men who are unavailable emotionally and legally or who are simply looking for a one night stand(or lay).  I’m also done with spending time with anyone  who cannot demonstrate a  LOGICAL, RATIONAL, well informed and clearly articulated thought process when communicating.  Since this eliminates 97% of all men on the planet and especially those who post profiles on all the dating sites (and, yes, sadly I’ve tried them all), I ‘ve completely given up on the dating thing.

“Why?” you ask.

“Because” I say, “I have so much better things to do with my life.”

Yeah, that’s it.  I’ve decided to quit moping about my past failures.  I’ve picked myself up and dusted myself off and am reinventing myself and my life and my future.  I’m doing it because I can.  I’m doing it because I still have the energy and health to do it….and I am loving every freaking minute of it!  I’m.having.fun!

My mother was soooo right on.  I should have done what I wanted to do to begin with instead of being so worried about pleasing the world and getting married simply because it was the socially acceptable fantasy at the time.  Thank-you, Mom.  Even though you never saw the fruit of your labor with me while alive, understand that your words like seeds were sowed deep in me and took root…albeit late…but they have taken root and sprouted and there is a bountiful harvest for sure! 🙂  I’m finally figuring out what I’m about…what I want and it has nothing to do with the presence or absence of some nondescript man in my life. 

But it means I’m not having so much time to write, especially when it means that creative energy is spread out among 3 or more blogs,  4 children and one very viable contender for the Knight in Shining Armor Award.  (Okay, screw the shining armor part, he’s just very interesting, intelligent, attractive, real…and…well…the best part is that so far his actions match his words and that is never a bad thing).

Yes, if he passes muster, you’ll hear about it.  Until then, he’s only one who’s captured my imagination, sparked my interest and kept my interest far, far longer than most.  If he rides off into the sunset it will be because he didn’t like the fact that I wanted to ride my own horse instead of hitching onto his.  It will be because he wasn’t willing to move forward while I mounted my own gallant steed and caught up with him in a bit.  It will simply be because he wasn’t able to or man enough to deal with a princess who is completely in charge of herself and doesn’t depend on a dashing prince to achieve her dreams. It will be because he ultimately felt insecure around me instead of inspired and motivated to be the best he could be.  Somehow, this particular Knight, strikes me as being one who will make decisions for himself, and allow his Princess to make her own decisions, all the while as he’s got her back and spoiling her at every opportunity.  Not because he has to, but becaue he’s totally into her and not afraid to declare it.

Dashing prince or not, The Wild Mind will create her own Fairy Tale Happy Ending.   It will take an incredibly amazing and masculine and self assurred….even a bit arrogant…maybe cocky Prince to be able to roll with that. 

Can you imagine just how interesting that relationship might be?  Not your standard, let’s-go-to-bed-at-ten-and-do-the-same-three-things-we-always-do-in-the-same-order-at-the-same-time -like-a-circus-monkey kind of relationship now is it?

Where Is The Wild Mind Tonight?

There are two times when I find it most difficult to really write.  The first is when I look at the blank white space on the computer screen and my normally overactive mind and imagination go abnormally awol on me.  I hate that.  White space on the computer screen.  Dead space in my head.  Inactive fingers on the keyboard.  It sucks.  Those times make me feel stupid and unimaginative.

The other time is when I have so much I am thinking of that I can’t sort any of it out in any coherent form that a reader could identify with, let alone read and understand.

Tonight, I am dealing with the “too many ideas” scenario instead of the “nothing at all” scenario.  This week was full of amazingly humorous and poignant events all of which merit some serious fabrication in the retelling…just to make a point.  Yet here I sit, stymied by the plethora of possibilities!  It also sucks.

So, tonight, I share in bullet points, as a way of sorting for myself but also as a way of communicating what a really rich “life filled” week I experienced.  My intent is that this post will serve more as a jumping off point for me for future posts than as a real valid post tonight. (Whatever a “real valid post” is.)

This week…things to remember and ponder include…

• I’ve really revised my perspective on men “going silent”.  Since I yelped about it so much in previous posts here and at my other blog “Welcome to CABsPlace”, I suppose it bears some discussion, but not much. 
• Death, two friends experienced the death of relatives this week.  Death is a reality that began facing me straight up with the death of a very dear college friend just three months after we graduated, followed shortly by the death of my adoptive dad, my biological dad, my grandparents, and my mother. I’ve also been “privileged” to be the teacher of a student who died…the year they were in my class.  I think it might be God’s way of dealing with my own personal fear of a reality we all must face, sooner or later. Whatever it is, I’m now more able to comfort those who are dealing with loss than I’ve ever been.  This, I think, is a good thing.
• Dating, wow!  My attitudes, perspectives and goals have changed tremendously in the last year.
• Life, my future, my present, personal goals and dreams.  I’m changing and growing so much and the pain of this last year and a half seems to be finally bearing some fruit.  I guess the analogy is, I have been through winter, now things are thawing…and Spring is around the corner.  Some stuff in my life is really beginning to blossom on a professional level as well as a personal level. 
• Tawdry fun…yes…there were plenty of every day occurences this week (namely the firefighters that visited with their BIG fire truck) that made me think fondly of all my slightly naughty friends here…there were just so many analogies that I was able to devise from that one event.  Just know I was thinking of you all!  Look for the post about Fire Trucks!  LOL! 
• Music, goals, life, dreams, fairy tales, the whole ball of wax…there’s just so much to enjoy and angst about it life and a lesson everywhere you turn. It must be written!

And that is where I am tonight.  I hope to write it all, because that is what I am about…but I must also balance the writing with the living…and right now…there is so much to live!