Online Hose Suppliers

This transition from Spring to Summer has already been an interesting one.  I do have the pool operating a month earlier, in spite of the fact that I had several setbacks with sanitation, pumps, filters and faulty defective hoses.  That is now in the past and I currently have a terrific hose that seems to be working quite well for now.  But I never want to go through that experience again, so I’ve set about searching for a hose supplier who will keep me stocked up on the perfect hose.  Since there are no quality hose suppliers in my area, I’ve had to look for suppliers on the internet. Of course, when you do this online thing, it is always important to introduce yourself, state what you are looking for and what needs you hope the sought after item will meet.  I followed all these protocols perfectly and have been flooded with many interesting responses.  Most of them fakes, as they were exaggerating about the length, width, quality, durability and flexibility of their hoses.  In addition, they were charging far too much for the very minimal and routine functions the hoses were capable of.  I decided not to settle, since dealing with my current (make do) hose is working better than I think any of those hoses would work.  However, I would like a real hose with a longer warranty than the one I am currently using.

Something very interesting entered my inbox this afternoon.  Here is the note from the latest would be hose supplier:

Dear Ms. Wild Mind,

Further to your comments regarding hoses. I am pleased to report that one of the hoses in question has been tested and found to be functioning to the standard you require.

This type of hose requires constant care and attention. May I suggest that you adopt a regimen of ongoing maintenance even when you are not using the equipment. There are several products readily available which, when regularly applied, will ensure that the hose remains useable over an extended period and will delay the inevitable withering and consequent perishing.

Respectfully,

The Last Hose Supplier You’ll Ever Need

This seemed very interesting to me, so I responded with the following:

Dear Mr. Last,

I am very interested in learning more about your hose.  I would be especially interested in the regimen of maintenance you suggest as well as the products you supply to prevent the inevitable withering and perishing of the hose.  I am unavailable to discuss this now, but would be willing to discuss this at length later this evening should you so desire.  Of course, before purchase, I am wondering if there is an opportunity to discover exactly the functionality of the hose in question.  My last hose was guaranteed to last a lifetime and began faltering in its performance in less than six months in spite of excellent care, maintenance and frequent use. As the result of this experience, I want to be very certain what it is I am purchasing, as you can well understand, I am sure. I am certainly willing to invest should I find that one amazing hose.

I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.

Respectfully,

Ms. Wild Mind

P.S. I am also well aware that every hose comes with a price tag.  I think it would be important to discuss the various costs of purchasing the hose earlier rather than later.  I would, of course, be interested in discussing sales price, taxes, shipping and handling fees and, of course, since we are dealing with an international transaction here, whether any customs costs or import/export fees exist. 

P.P.S.  I am perfectly able and more than willing to pay whatever rate is required for a hose of the type and quality I seek.  As you know many online hose suppliers are frauds and I would like every opportunity to discern that your hose is exactly as you say before signing a purchase agreement.

Hmmm, it will be interesting to see how this transaction turns out.

Grocery Store Get Togethers

Grocery cartFunny things happen in grocery stores.  One time I was checking out and bagging my groceries. Right behind me was a guy that had contacted me on that Online Dating Site that I am on-again-off-again about. He contacted me, didn’t interest me, I responded politely, but not encouragingly. Plus, he kept asking me, “Having any luck on here?”  Seriously?  That’s not his business.  So, it was weird to meet him in the grocery store.  He recognized me, mentioned our brief correspondence and well, I got out of the store fast that trip.

This last week, I had another interesting encounter in the grocery store.  I ran into a friend I knew while I was married to Ex #2.  In fact, we were kind of in a disastrous marriage support group thing together.  She happens to work in this store, but since she works days and I usually shop late afternoons or early evenings we never see each other. During the time that I knew her, she was just starting this relationship that, well, didn’t look that promising to me.  I mean, it seemed the guy ran hot and cold on her.  It also seemed he left her with the lion’s share of doing the work of “relating”.  I remember thinking that I hoped it worked out for her, since she was really into this guy, but also thinking that I was very skeptical that it would.

My friend, didn’t recognize me at first.  Seriously.  She had to do that double take thing, then the triple take.  “Wow!” she exclaimed, “You look great!  How are you?!” ( I love it when that happens and it is happening a lot lately! LOL!)  We did the girl hug thing that women do when they meet and haven’t seen each other for a long time.  We spent a few minutes getting caught up.  In fact, she ended up going through the checkout line with me.  I told her that Ex #2 and I were divorced.  She told me she thought that was a great decision, obviously, since I look so good now (her words).  I asked her about the relationship she was starting way back when we were hanging out in that disastrous marriage group thing. Sure enough, three years later, she’s telling me how he proposed, then got cold feet and backed out.  She finally ended it with him.  I mean, seriously, she hung out with that hot and cold behavior for three whole years? 

Women, why do we do this????

I found myself wanting to tell her, “Girlfriend, you made a great choice!  He never was that into you!”  Instead, I kept my mouth shut, encouraged her and listened and wondered why we women are so willing to “put up with” and “make excuses for” men who really just aren’t into us. 

Men don’t lie.  They tell us exactly what they think, in one way or another. If they don’t call, it isn’t because they are busy or “couldn’t”.  It is because they don’t want to.  We just aren’t important enough for them to carve out a few minutes to connect.  A guy that really wants to be with a woman, doesn’t let her phone grow cold.

In the same way, when a guy runs hot and then cold, he’s not really committed or all that interested.  Most guys know instantly if they want to pursue relationship with a particular woman or not.  They are all hot about her, no cold, it’s just that simple.  He wants to call her, be with her, do stuff for her and give her things, even if those things are only small tokens of care and even if he’s working within a budget.  And, hear me, peeps.  It isn’t the gift at all here that is important, it is the behavior.

I was talking with another friend last night, and we were discussing relationship and single life and guys and she said, “I think being alone sucks and I hate dating, but it is a whole lot better than being in a bad relationship with the wrong person.”

I’d have to say I agree. 

Seriously. There are lots of really nice, handsome, terrific men out there. Contrary to popular belief.  If he’s not crazy about you (and you are worth being completely crazy about!) then don’t waste another minute or amount of emotional energy.  Okay, I give you permission to have 15 minutes of disappointment, but that’s all.  Face it, if he’s not calling, wants to be with the guys more than you, seems to have a whole lot of other priorities higher on the list than you then, well, he’s not crazy about you and you deserve better. Be a realist. Face the facts.  Move on. 

You’ll be glad you did.  I hate to say it, but he probably will be too.

Reasons Why I Never Responded To You On That Online Dating Site

computergivesflowersThese are some of the most common reasons I don’t respond to men on an online dating site.  I can’t speak for other women, and I’ll willingly and gladly admit that I’m one-of-a-kind and not like other women so it wouldn’t matter anyway. These are my thoughts and mine alone.

1.  You only winked at me.  Seriously?  If that’s all the more effort you can expend even after my profile specifically stated that I dont’ respond to winks, you just told me you didn’t read my profile and all I have to say to that is “Next!”

2.  You emailed me and this is what you said, “Hey, liked your profile.  I was wondering if you’d like to chat.”   Hell, no!  I am not on this site to “chat”.  I am not on this site to waste my time. I am not on this site to respond to any cut and pasted messages that you sent to a thousand other women.  I am on this site to increase the odds that I will meet a man who actually has the same ideas about life and relationship that I do so that I can date him and become seriously involved with him with the hopes of building a fulfilling life and future together.  After all, this is hopefully going to be the man that breaks my heart when I have to bury him because we loved each other so deeply (or whose heart is broken because he has to bury me).  Chatting is beneath my dignity…and beneath the dignity of anyone  who seriously merits my attention.  (Now some ribald, tawdry fun on occasion is not out of the question, but you have to be amazing to make that work in the very first email, if you are and you do, you’re golden!)

3.  You told me you loved my picture but said nothing more.  Really, now.  What am I supposed to do with that?  Ask you out?  Sorry, big guy.  That’s your job. About all you’ll get from me on that one is, “Thanks for the kind words.  Good luck on your search.”  And, yes, I cut and pasted it for you and about 50 other guys tonight.

4.  You told me your whole life story in the first email.  So, what’s there to discover now? Next!

5.  You disclosed to me that you beat your last wife, or that you beat your ex’s boyfriend up and did 5 months in jail for that little expression of emotion.  I’m looking to eliminate unnecessary drama from my life, not invite it in.

6.  You had no picture on your profile.  While I’m such a Beauty and the Beast kind of girl, I am also savvy enough about digital realities to know that you can say anythng you want without a picture.  I also know that with a picture you can still be lying.  I don’t deal without a picture and I have my ways of discerning if you are lying to me with that picture or not.  A huge part of relationship is chemistry whether you want to admit it or not and, yes, you have to look good to me.  You expect that I will look good to you or you wouldn’t have contacted me. After all, I did post an accurate and recent picture of myself.  If you can’t do,at least that, I’m not wasting my time with you.

7.  Your username was stupid.  Really.  How smart is it to put up a user like “sexyfun1foru” when you are 5’2 and 300 pounds?  Remember, you are contacting a woman who is 5’6″ in bare feet.  Add the stillettos and I’m an easy 5’9″.  Are you really going to be able to be someone I can look up to?  Seriously…there are many lovely women in the 5′ range.  Hunt them. I just can’t do someone who is shorter than my own son. Also,  I’m sure you are a dynamo in bed but I would have downplayed those sexual strengths and focused on the inner person with your username.  Kinda makes me think you’re just out for a one night romp.

8.  You asked, “So, how’s the online scene working for you?”  That’s an instant dealbreaker.  It’s working WAY better for me than most, but that’s none of your freaking business so don’t ask.

9.  Your first email and your profile for that matter was all about you.  You didn’t ask any questions about me nor did you give me anything I could respond to beyond, “Oh that’s interesting.”  I’m really not that into becoming someone’s groupie.  I want a “relationship”, a partnership, a collaborative effort involving more than just one person. There are many out there who are willing to sign on as your fan club groupie, just because you look nice, have a job and have all the necessary body parts.  Go have fun with them.  I want something more.

10.  You gave me your number and expected me to call you.  Dude, let’s project that out ten years from now and we’re married.  Translation: if I do it all now to get the relationship started…I’m going to be the only one doing anything to keep it together.  Dealbreaker.  No time to waste going down that lonely road.  I want better than that.  Next!

11.  You emailed me but didn’t close the deal.  I really find it so interesting that really successful competent men can work overtime getting to know a company inside and out. They learn everything about the organization so that when they do get that one shot to sell themselves to the company of their dreams they can impress those interviewing them and they can negotiate the best deal for them and the company they are interviewing with.  They actually present themselves to their future employer by detailing how their strengths and experiences can benefit the company.  Then they go a step further and ask for the job.  They follow up the interview with thank-you notes of appreciation and they continue to relentlessly but diplomatically follow up until they know they’ve got the job or they’ve been eliminated.  Men, do not operate this way with women.  With women and online dating, it seems that men more often fill out the application (put up a profile)  and apply for the job( make an intial contact or two), but then they expect the employer (the woman) to go chasing them down to offer them a job (he leaves his number but she has to do all the work to get the thing rolling) .  Or, he contacts her and makes small talk but never gets around to asking her out or making arrangements to meet her.  What is up with that?

And that’s just the first 11 reasons!

The Stupidest Email I’ve Ever Received…Recently Anyway

Okay, I’ve recieved stupider and funnier ones than this one.  Like the convict who dared accuse me of stalking him just because of a stupid Facebook comment I made where I repeated verbatim something he told me.  Yeah, I’ll have to tell you about that sometime.  Tonight’s email was so much more benign…almost boring…but ridiculous in the unfounded assumptions the author made about me and my interest level toward him.  I mean, since I never really responded to his digital advances, I guess I couldn’t exactly be labled “interested” let alone a stalker.  I just don’t get it sometimes.  I just don’t get how guys think sometimes.

Online dating is such a freaking joke.

I’ve dabbled in this venue on and off for the last year, mostly off with a month or two on when I get bored and have nothing better to do…which…seriously…is not often.  This equates to me being on an online dating site, maybe, three times for a month each, in the last year and a half.

About a six months ago a fairly attractive man contacted me and we began communicating.  Okay he emailed me, I responded, we got to the first phone call, after that he went silent. 

BFD.  His loss I figured.  I was spinning about 10 online plates at the time so what did I care.  He easily slipped from my mind.

About a month and a half ago after being “offline” for about 5 months (yes, one month online can easily net me the next six months in dates, get over it!) I went back online again. 

The same go silent BFD dude contacted me again.

Hesitantly, meaning I waited about a week before responding, I responded.

He emailed me once.

I waited, he emailed me back.

I emailed him and you guessed it…he went silent again.  Never to hear from him again until tonight.  (Seriously, I missed no sleep over this.  I’ve really so changed my perspective on the go silent thing.  It is now actually a favor.  He goes silent.  I know all I need to know, I move on.  Over and out.  Next!)

That was nearly two months ago.  I haven’t contacted him.  I haven’t spent any time thinking about him.  Seriously?  I’ve been having way too much fun in my little corner of the world to wonder why the heck he doesn’t have the good sense to follow up on a good thing when he stumbles across it and…stumble he has.  His loss.  My response?  Next!  (Well, not even that…he didn’t even make it to the plate!)

Tonight, after two months of silence and no follow up from me I get the following email:

“Cat, just wanted you to know I met some one and am off the radar.”

Hahahahahaha!  The freaking arrogance of it all. 

*she rolls eyes and clicks delete while thinking, “Dodged an arrogant self-absorbed bullet there!”

Off the radar?!?  Dude, you never even created a blip on the radar, so yeah, I guess you’re right,  you are off the radar! 

I mean, really, I have to laugh, if I was stalking him, I’d understand, but this is a guy who initiated contact with me every time, spoke on the  phone with me once, and I never really made any big effort to respond or encourage him.  I mean, I just don’t get it.

Ah, well, chalk it up to comic relief.  I was, at least, able to squeeze a lame blog post out of it.

The Online “Meet” Market

japanesemapleLast weekend, I made arrangements to meet a guy from online for the first time for breakfast.  Not usually my preference, since weekend mornings are usually sacred time for me.  It’s the time of the week where I get up and move at whatever pace I feel like which is unhurried, unrushed, unpressured, slow and relaxed.  This is important to me, since the rest of my week is usually packed so full with deadlines, activities, demands and noise.

Saturday, I woke early and was on the road for a three hour drive to an  All Tribes Pow Wow.  I attended with a friend who is very good looking, very intelligent, well educated, okay beyond well educated,  funny and basically almost perfect and who is someone I will never date.  He is a very good friend and like a brother to me.  Dating him would be like, well, ewww!  But I could attend a Pow Wow with him and did. I can also travel with him, and have, with no concern for my safety or well-being.  Boundaries are firmly in place and were clearly discussed. In many ways, I think a good romantic relationship has to have these elements of a good friendship in order to be successful.  When we get together, we talk like schoolgirls.  He, about who he’s dating, me about who I’m dating (I was pretty quiet this time, well, okay, maybe not so much) so it is no wonder that after leaving early in the morning to drive up to the Pow Wow, it was sunset and I’d not started on my way home.  By the time I did arrive home I was just not in any way willing to get up and rush out to meet someone I’d had two conversations with on the phone.   I cancelled, with the plan to resechedule if he wanted to.  I left it in his court not really caring one way or another if he persisted or not.  Well he persisted.  *Places a check in the “Good for him” category.*

That reschedule occured this afternoon.  It was the most agonizing ordeal I’ve experienced since the first time I met someone from online.  I really hate it when I have to carry the conversation.  I am plenty capable of it, but I am not comfortable doing it.  I’d rather listen to others share their story.  But, this person had no story.  He’d never been married.  He didn’t travel, didn’t do much, except take walks with his dog. Of course, he put on his profile he was trim and fit…but he wasn’t…not entirely.  And, of course, he’s looking for the firm little body, but yet he didn’t exactly sport the male version of that.   I totally don’t mind guys going for the firm little body…don’t get me wrong…I get how men are wired…but what’s good for the gander is just as good for the goose.  Don’t expect what you’re unable to provide yourself. That’s all I’m saying.  Anyway, it all makes ya wonder. 

And, here’s another thing.  I hate going for walks on the first meet up.  Here’s why.  You can’t size up the other person too well because you are too busy walking and watching where you are going.  So much of me taking a person in is sizing up how they move.  How they roll.  What their demeanor is like.  The eyes, the smile , all this is important.  This is difficult to observe on a walk especially when your are as uncoordinated as I am and must concentrate carefully on putting one foot in front of the other on level ground.  You also can’t really talk face to face to them.  So, while I think a walk is an ideal thing to do the second or third time around, it isn’t my pick for a first date. That being said, I got enough information in the first three seconds to know this was not someone I was going to spend much more time with.  So the walk really was a non-issue.

The online meet market is just not that fun any more.  It’s still every bit as busy…just more exhausting than anything…these days.  I can see myself folding this hand for good pretty soon.

His Heart Rate Was Dangerously High

800px-howler_monkeyI suppose it is about time to tell the story of Monkey Sex Man.  I met him the very evening my divorce decree was signed by the judge a year and a half ago.  I’d just signed up on one of those online dating sites that I was investigating out of curiosity.  He contacted me initially and I checked out his profile.  He listed his ideal first date as, “wild rampant monkey sex then we order out for Chinese and get to know each other”.  I thought this was humorous so I agreed to meet him for drinks at a local little pub.  What I didn’t know was that he wasn’t kidding about his ideal first date.  I quickly learned this was a relationship best kept at a very safe distance. We ended up talking over the phone a few times, but each time we did, he made these broad generalizations about people and types of people as he saw them.  These sweeping generalizations were seemingly based on very limited data.  For example, he dated one woman from the same town I live in and now his opinion about women from my town is that they are all shallow, stupid, inconsiderate and materialistic. That’s just one of many such examples of the way Monkey Sex Man approached and categorized life.  After about three or four phone conversations, with the last one ending last year about Valentine’s Day with him being so upset with the fact that I just wasn’t going to go out with him when he called me up with very little notice, he hung up on me and then blocked me from contacting him.  I didn’t hear from him for a year. 

About a month ago or so, I put up my profile at an online dating site.  I added some of my more recent pictures.  Two days later, I was contacted by Monkey Sex Man.  He commented positively on my pictures saying I looked soft, feminine and sexy.  I kept waiting for the caustic insult that usually followed statements like this (sarcastic humor he called it).  There was nothing negative.  I thanked him and that was it.  He responded with some conversation.  I responded back but not in an encouraging way.  Somehow, we ended up meeting at a fairly popular place on a weeknight for cocktails. Well, it really wasn’t somehow.  I was going to be over in his area anyway.  I had 45 minutes to burn between appointments (do not read dates!) and I didn’t feel like going into a pub by myself.  Besides, I was curious and needed a blog post. We talked, I stayed an hour and left. 

He called me the following Sunday as he was barbecuing and invited me to come over for barbecue.  My how some people just don’t change.  He knows I’m driving the Titanic here with my single motherdom of  dependent children and everyone knows the Titanic just doesn’t turn on a dime.  Besides, knowing what he was about, I wasn’t going anywhere near his house.  I politely declined and I thought that’d be the end of it.

He called me again last Saturday.  There was a big parade in my town and he was in town for it.  So, he stops in at a bar, uses their phone, calls me up to tell me he’s in town and was wondering if I was out at the parade.  I wasn’t.  He called later from the grocery store said he was sorry he missed me.  Later that evening he called me up again an that time we ended up talking. 

He told me how the stress of the parade, and how stupidly designed the on and off ramps in the community were. Everything about that experience was awful and he tried to go into it with an open mind. Then he told me that while he was at the parade he stopped at one of the free blood pressure check stations they had and the nurse told him his blood pressure was “dangerously high”.  Ya think?!!!!  He was seriously orbiting out of the galaxy just telling me about it. 

Somehow, we got onto the topic of game playing and whether women should call men.  He asked me if I was one of those who always expected the guy to make the first move.  Loaded question and I was so not going to go into my whole “When A Man Is Really Into A Woman” philosophy.  I answered his question with a “that depends upon the context” sort of answer.  This sent his heart rate and his emotional state right around the twist.

“I can’t believe this,” he fumed. (Seriously, why should he be fuming?  I mean, that’s even more drama than I could muster on a good day.) “I’ve got to go.  My heart rate is dangerously high!”  And he hung up. 

And that’s pretty much all there is to the Monkey Sex Man story.

April Fools

Yeah, it’s that month.  The month of fools and I am one of the biggest.  I know it.

The first part of the foolishness is the part where The Beau strung  me along for months, all the while telling a girlfriend from his past about me but failing to tell me he was talking to her about me.  He only tells me about  her and how he “really” feels about her until after he’s met back up with her…after dating me for about two months and after being assured that he can woo her away from her fiance (ha!ha!) of five years.  I had no information about the potential meet up or about the dialogues all along.  Is something there really screwed? I mean, he was the one who promoted the “exclusive relationship” thing, not me…yet he was just unable to be exclusive…and he wonders why women leave him for other people.  Hmmm, could it be that they also read that he is just not that into them?

April Fools. 

Then there is the Friday night meet up that ended up with me meeting up with a guy that so misrepresented himself that I nearly walked out.  I guess I’m too much of a Fool to do that. Or maybe…I’m enough of a Fool….

April Fools.

The “meet up” Friday night actually crossed paths with Monkey Sex Man, a guy I dated up with about a year and a half ago.  He happened to be at the same place.  He called me today.  Left a message.  I called him back.  We talked at length. He point blank told me I deserved better than to be dating someone half my height who was wearing a baseball cap in a fairly upscale trendy pub in town.  “I mean”, he said, “There are certain social expectations that a guy should be able to live up to.”  Sadly, I tend to agree with Monkey Sex Man’s assessment. If the guy can’t float between completely casual and laid back to the appropriate attire for the occasion, I’m so not interested.  I mean, after the “I do'” are said is it really going to get any better?  I can just visualize the guy slurping beer sans shirt on the new couch and ordering me around.  Sorry, been there, done that…or maybe I’m just an…

April Fool…

Message on my phone today from Monkey Sex Man.  He wants me to call him back, so I do.  We talk. He’s bitter about life and relationship for many reasons I understand.  However, I think I’ve gotten to the place that I’ve accepted that the world is just this stupid fucking way and he has not gotten over the idealism that it just shouldn’t be that way. We talked for a couple of hours.  It was nice.  He off gassed some frustration.  He’s far too sexually experienced and, if I may say so, arrogant.  It will never go beyond friends.  But it was nice to talk to another intelligent single person who is experiencing the same dilemmas here that I am. But maybe I’m just the biggest…

April Fool

because I wonder.  I wonder about male/female friendships.  I wonder about respect and where it’s gone.  I wonder about love, loyalty and wanting to hook your wagon to another’s star in hopes that both of you will reach your dreams. I wonder.  Is it all possible or have we all just become a bunch of self-serving liars who only hope to get what they want out of life even if it means quashing someone else in the process? 

April Fools

are everywhere.  Some of them are victims of misplaced trust or hope.  Others are perpetrators of selfish scams.  Which am I?  One then the other, sometimes both?  Which are you?  Which do you choose to be?  Why?  And the best question yet, “How’s that working for you?”  The next  question is, “How’s that working for the others in your life?”

April Fools

…seems there are so many of us out there.

The Junkie In Me Returns…Sort Of?

internet20dating1In the past I likened myself to an online dating junkie.  While this was certainly true in the days immediately preceeding the final divorce judgement and for about 6 to 9 months after, I must say my tendency to “need” to be online and meeting up with people has definitely waned.  In fact, early last summer, I took my profiles down only to put them up again right before school started.  (WTF is up with that????)

I’ve mentioned before what an impulsive mistake that was.  I’m actually still corresponding with people from that little episode that, believe it or not, I have yet to meet.  I may never meet them.  I don’t really care…if I did, I would have met them by now.

But then last night I did a really silly, stupid, actually, thing.  I signed up and even paid money (that’s the stupidest part) for a one month membership on a site I have not been on before.  Now, granted, it wasn’t much money at all.  It really only equated to about two bottles of cheap wine, probably the amount I could finagle out of  just meeting half the people who have already crammed my inbox full of emails insisting they are crazy about me and can’t get me out of their minds after seeing my few lame, poorly lit, and face shot only photos. Well, that is, if I was at all the finagling type. Yeah, sure.  We’ll go with that.

So, this bizarre behavior on my part certainly deserves some closer attention.  Now, it isn’t bizarre to want to sign up on an online site, especially, if you, like me, don’t encounter a single dateable soul in your day to day interactions.  Unfortunately, day to day stretches into week to week and then month to month until one wakes up and realizes they’ve spent a great deal more Friday and Saturday nights home alone than they really ever intended or wanted to spend in solitary confinement.online_dating

[So, I must digress and define dateable.  Dateable for me in a nutshell is a.) male, b.) intelligent enough to hold his own in a conversation and c.) emotionally, financially and legally available.  Okay, a bit about the financially available part.  Financially available in my mind doesn’t mean “without obligations”, but if the guy is still part owner in some very big real estate deals that could end him up being taken by the short hairs by an ex, then I’m not really into that drama much. Enough about dateable and available.]

So, going online in and of itself, is not bizarre, though it is incredibly crazy making and painful.  I don’t understand why people do it.  I do not understand why I just recently did this. Especially since I have so much else I want and need to do besides date a bunch of people one time only to find out that they, like my last year and a half of dating episodes are somehow just not that into me or are completely unavailable somehow.  I’d rather have electric shock treatments than endure any more of that.

And yet….

it’s the “and yet” that always gets ya…

And yet, there are a couple of things here at war within me.  First, I do believe Winston Churchill’s statement.  I posted it last December, I’m posting it again:

“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.”

 

~~ Sir Winston Churchill

 

There have been a number of failures in the last couple of years.  Now, failure, of course, is a relative term and I don’t want to get into the fact that there have been many positive outcomes to those failures.  Like, I am  no longer and still not in a disastrous marriage or a relationship where the guy really just isn’t that into me. This is definitely positive and I have no regrets.  But if I define failure as the lack of a quality relationship with a significant other then, I have to say there have been some failures to move toward this goal  in the recent past.  False starts is probably a more accurate term but we’ll go with Winston’s failure…just for fun. Anyway, Churchill’s statement is sound for work, school and romance.  One’s enthusiasm must never wane if one is to ultimately be successful.  I get that.  So, that’s one element:  remaining positive and keeping one’s enthusiasm when it seems that with each passing day the odds get lower and lower that there will be any viable candidate to date. (And, if you lived where I live, you’d consider my attitude one of complete optimism rather than borderline disgust and despair.)   After all, as I’ve said before, I’d like to spend some life with the dude, I don’t exactly want to meet him in the retirement center.  (Okay, all you literalists, take that last statement with a grain of salt and chill.  It was a slight exaggeration to make a point.)

 

This idea that it is important to “keep myself open” to whatever might occur…is at war with the part of me that really doesn’t want to take the risks.  (Okay, yes, I’m being a tad bit vulnerable and honest there so chill about that too.  It DOES NOT MEAN I am needy or insecure.  It simply means I am trying (albeit feebly, I think) to be emotionally honest. 

 

online dating the impossible dilemmaSo, my dilemma:  intellectually I know I should remain social, keep doing things I like and enjoy and keep active and meeting people.  The reality is, the things I enjoy right now, are completely centered around my home, my children, and improving me, my financial situation, my fitness, my living situation.  It’s a bit self focused I think. I’m wondering if it might be a bit of a defense mechanism and a retreatist approach.   I’m trying to figure out if it is an unhealthy self focus or a taking care of me right now focus.  Here’s the even stranger part to all this, anyone, and I do mean anyone who meets me receives me as a warm and fun person.  You would think me the introvert to look at me…though…introvert…I do tend to be…especially lately.

 

 

So about signing up for the online thing…it again happened out of curiosity, I think.  But feel free to share your thoughts.  After all, it was a site I hadn’t ever participated in (and I’ve explored a few).  I think it is also the concern I have that if I don’t make opportunities to connect with others and stay social, I will completely retreat from the world and like Rapunzel in her tall tower become completely isolated.  Truly, I could do this.  I can be alone for endless amounts of time and not even have it bother me.  I’m not sure that this tendency, if allowed to go unchecked is entirely healthy either.  That introvert thing again.  But then, I’m really not that into it at all so why do I even bother?  Is really curiosity.  What do you think?  Take a whack at it all you who know just enough about the workings of the human psyche to be dangerous. 

Sigh. I better wrap this up and go count up my statistics and find out how many men out there are really brave enough to actually make a contact with a message rather than the canned, “I liked your profile!” flirt message.  *rolls eyes and heads for bed instead*

 

 

 

 

 

Craziness Getting Worse!!!

friends_crazy_dogsOkay, a brief break from the silliness to get a tiny bit real.  So much has happened this week I can’t even begin to sort it out without laying it all out and then coming back to it later.

First, signed up on an online dating site last night (DO NOT even ask me why!).  I had a post written about this bizarre thing I did and why, but other things pre-empted that and so that post will be showing up tomorrow probably.

I now have enough material based on the events in my life in the last two days to keep me writing for at least a week without having to resort to Youtube videos, unless, of course, I get bombarded by hate mail (read the likes of The Ghost) which really just makes any kind of self-disclosure or personal introspection an exercise in futility.  Then I may have to either get back in said person’s face big time or chill with the Youtubes again for a bit.

On the Romance front, (read even as the Beau was bidding adieu…hahahaha!) I’ve fallen in love, gotten over it…I think…and had a past relationship (if you could call it that) reenter the picture, though not in any serious kind of way.  However, the fact that we both met tonight for drinks (well I had one and he had water), after a year and a half, was fairly astounding by itself.  But I only categorize that in romance because that’s where it started.  It is sooo not there for me now.

My oldest was awarded some big money from a fairly big name university and even though it isn’t located on the East Coast like she wants it is big money to a reputable institution which will probably be her meal ticket to any grad school she wants to go to for Law or Poly Sci or Journalism.  This is most definitely big news for us.

Finally, the ex got married at a little drive thru chapel this week in Las Vegas.  My youngest,  who is his daughter,  has met this person one time.  This person she must now relate to as “Step Mom”. You can read about how I feel about that in more detail here.

So you can look forward to the following posts in the near future:

  • My thoughts about why on earth I even signed up on an online dating site when, after 1 day and over 20+  very uninteresting emails in my inbox, I still am just not into it, but why maybe I feel I should be?
  • My experiences with Rampant Monkey Sex Man and his re-entering the stage of my life after over a year of no communication.
  • and maybe even a bunch more silliness about how women view tools differently than men do…or something.  
  • I might even make a bra out of men’s underwear and model it online, but don’t hold your breath. 

In any event, it might be completely possible that one day soon I post nothing  just because I need a night off…but that would ruin the writing streak I have going, so don’t hold your breath on that one either.

Romance Is A Game Best Played On A Level Playing Field–Act 3

Curtains rise on The Wild Mind staring pensively off in stage left direction.  Lights up. The Wild Mind wakes herself from her reverie, takes a sip from the mug, put it down absent mindedly and resumes typing at her computer.

ghost-picWho can even fight fair against a ghost? I had no chance to start with.

This brings up another key point that I wish I’d known all along:

The Beau started up contact with the Old Flame at the same time or shortly before he invited me to Christmas Eve dinner. I had no chance from the beginning, because as long as she was even a remote figment in his imagination, I could have been perfect and it wouldn’t have mattered. The living cannot compete against ghosts who still live and carry even the smallest hope of reincarnating themselves.

In a word, The Beau, was not emotionally available. Not really.

I suspected it but I did not know this.  He liked me a lot.  Had she not even been a possibility, I dare say we may have had a chance at a really, really good thing. But it could not ever be, because ghosts are powerful and will not be denied. 

It just was not meant to be between The Beau and I. I’m okay with this. I told him so.  I know there is someone out there for me somewhere.  (I’m skeptical, at this point, about my ever finding him, but that’s okay too.)

The Beau wants to remain “friends”. He said he’d hoped he could be that friend that I call first to tell him I’ve finally met Mr. Right.  While I don’t want to burn bridges unnecessarily, but I never wanted The Beau to play that role in my life. (Sorry, but that will probably be Semi-Professional Photographer Friend and not you, Beau. I already have friends like that in my life. That was not what I was looking for or what I needed when I started dating you. If it had been, you’d have been contacting me on Facebook the first time not on an online dating site.)

I told him that while I’m usually able to do be friends with people I date, I don’t think I can do that here. At least, not right away. He understands this to mean that I am sad, hurt and heartbroken that he’s choosing her over me. It really isn’t so much that at all. It was that this relationship, more than any other to date, for me, had all the signs of being completely viable and lasting…except that he just wasn’t that into me…in the most important way.

And, I so don’t want to be with someone who is into me,kinda, but just not enough.  I want him to be crazy about me or it’s not going to go very far even if I’m crazy about him. 

I also don’t want to be competing against unburied ghosts from the past.  It is not how I’m going to roll.

My disappointment comes from knowing I was right early on and not trusting myself earlier and just moving ahead with my heart. Instead, I kind of dabbled and played the “Well…Maybe….What if?….” game.

My sadness (if there really is any) comes from thus far in my entire life, not having one man who would really go to the wall for me in spite of me going to the wall repeatedly for them. thinkingTwo marriages which existed mostly because I made excuses for the men and held the marriages together at my own personal health and financial peril are enough. The dating scene has been no better. I’ve mostly met men who should not even be dating because they are a.) married and lying about it (read, The I. J.), b.) separated and working on it (read, still not available emotionally or legally no matter what he thinks or says) or c.) still in love with a past relationship that didn’t, won’t, or can’t work out (read The Beau and several current prospective suitors who are making bids for my time and attention but who haven’t quite thrown the dirt over the grave of their past loves).  The graveyard of past loves is not a safe place to go exploring for Mr. Right. 

This is all very confusing, because there is no way you know this going in to a relationship except by being very careful and paying very close attention (something I’m getting much better at doing), and there is no way you can possibly compete with the past or connect fully with the unavailable heart, while you’re there.  When you get out, you regret the whole bloody thing because the playing field was never level from the get go and it was just a big waste of time, except to confirm to you what you already knew about love, life and dating anyway. Who needs to experience all that just to find out you were right all along? I’d rather paint ceilings with rollers.

While I am disappointed (not distraught) on one one level that ” it “didn’t work out with The Beau and I, I really enjoyed our times together and I learned a lot.  It’s always nice to be in a relationship or to be thinking you might be heading that way.  On another level, I can do so much better than to spend my time wondering where I stand all the time.  I go back to my very opening point in these series of posts: When a man is into a woman, no one has any doubts about it, least of all the woman or man involved.  Am I making myself clear here.  I hope I remember that point.

The Beau, was courageous in talking to me about where he stood. I admire that. I gave him an out. He could have taken the chicken’s way out and responded to my text with, “Yeah, I’m not going to be able to make it. I’m wiped out.” Given the FB communiques it would have delivered the same message. He chose not to do that and instead delivered the message the tough way: face to face. I just wish it wasn’t in my living room, but okay. Live and learn. Next time, when I anticipate that news, I will suggest we go out, better yet, I’ll try to force a phone conversation.

Cue happy musical score as curtains fall.  The Wild Mind leans back in her chair and smiles.

To be concluded in the next post…