Email? Viagra? Spam? Or What’s In Your Inbox These Days?

j0321185 I must have stumbled onto the wrong web site and posted a comment and left my email address because my inbox is filled with the most interesting and annoying subject lines these days.

I love it that I’ve not been on eHarmony for over a year and they still keep sending me mail saying that someone or another is interested.  I also get newsletters from them still.  The latest?  “Dating:  Why Age Is An Asset?” As if I really want to read the latest spin designed to make lonely old people like me feel like they really have a chance at this love thing so late in the game.  Okay, wait.  Maybe we do, but I’m not sure eHarmony’s the one to help me out with that.  Especially since, when I was paying them to set me up on dates, they kept matching me with people in places I couldn’t get to for a mid-week barbecue, let alone for a month long holiday.

Match.com is the same.  I took my profile down there and haven’t been active for nearly a year and I still get emails that say, “He’s interested in you!” or “Check your messages now before they are gone!” or “You’ve got mail!”  Big fat hairy deal.  The last few guys I met on there, while nice enough, turned out to be completely emotionally unavailable for one reason or another.

Those are the more normal subject lines in my emails.  Those and the ones from the college universities trying to tempt me to accumulate big debt in return for a piece of paper that allows me to put some letters behind my name in my email signature.  The bizarre ones are the ones that read like this:

Meet Wives For Affairs

or

Search for Cheating Wives

I am so not into that! 

The ones that crack me up are the ones that want me to try Viagra.  I am also, for obvious reasons, not into that.

I also have some fun stuff in my inbox too.

For example:

j0309694 Creative Ways to Make Pretty Cutout Cookies

Now there’s a new item to burn and mutilate with my penchant for culinary flair.

Crowd Pleasing Favorites: Holiday Casseroles

Yes, this I must look into but, again, you’ll be reading about the latest disaster here I’m sure.  I’ll try to remember to post pictures.

In all that stuff in my inbox today, I got this fun little thing from a new online acquaintance.  I don’t usually do these and post them on my blog, but I actually love answering questions like this.  The challenge is, of course, to answer them as truthfully as possible but as creatively as possible too.  I am not sure I met the creativity requirement but I had fun.

1. Have you ever thought it would be fun to jump on a train (as is slows down) and ride wherever it goes?

Only if the ride includes hot showers, meals and a roundtrip ticket with plenty of spending money on the journey.

2. Where would you like to go if you could go anywhere?

It used to be Australia.  I still want to go there, but that destination has been pushed down the list a bit.  I still want to go to somewhere in the south Pacific and stay in one of those over-the-water bungalows for, at least, two weeks.  I know that’s a honeymoon destination and since “honeymoon” isn’t happening to me anytime soon, if ever, then I’m probably just setting myself up for a whole host of feelings I don’t need to feel.  Even so, I still want to go, and I want to spend the time snorkeling, sunbathing, swimming, drinking, writing, and taking pictures…not necessarily in that order.

3. Have you ever thought of being a gypsy?

No, this one didn’t make my top five career choices.  Probably because gypsies (at least according to the folklore) have to be good at three things: dancing, singing and stealing.  I can do none of these things well.

4. Can you smile in the direst of situations?

I can.  I can even crack a joke in the direst of situations.  That doesn’t always go over so well. 

5. Do you like animals (of the 4 legged variety)?

Yes, yes I do.  While I would be content to have no pets, I ended up with three.  I have a dog which in spite of her lack of training is the best dog ever.  I’ve tried to get rid of her.  I can’t do it.  JPEG Image (14588)I won’t do it.  I need her to accompany me on my walks at night.  I recently acquired two cool cats rather unexpectedly and I am finding that I love these felines.  They are kittens and they are hysterical.  And my poor dog, she’s so sweet.  She is curious about them, but not adversarial.  She doesn’t fuss when they camp on her doggie bed.  The cats sleep around.  Sometimes they’ll be in my bed, sometimes in one of the kids’ beds.  Sometimes on the floor in front of the fire.  I could write several posts just about the antics of these beloved animals of mine. 

6. Do you like your job?

As opposed to what?  Not liking it or being independently wealthy and never having to work a day in my life?  I’ll let you figure out which one I’d really prefer.  But yes, as a “job” (I don’t see it as that, though), it is one of the best possible for me.  In fact, it was in my top five career choices. I do love it. 

7. If you could do anything for a ‘job’, what would it be?

Well, if I had to do anything else, I’d pick J.K. Rowling’s or any published successful author’s lot in life.  Crack out a few good books, get movie deals on the bunch and set myself and my kids up for life.  Till that happens, I’m keeping my other job!  😀

8. What type of music do you listen to the most?

During school year, during the week, silence whenever possible because I have so much constant noise in my day.  During the weekends, its a fairly eclectic mix of genres.  Mostly adult alternative though, or instrumental jazz and classical.

9. What is your favorite color?

Mostly blue (but only sapphire or periwinkle or navy).  I’m not a blue-green or turquoise kind of girl.  I like reds in the wine, merlot, burgundy tones too.

10. Do you believe that things happen for a reason?

Yes.  I’m not a big believer in “chance”.  I do think that some things appear to be chance but upon further investigation or maybe after the fact, it becomes apparent that things worked together for a larger purpose. 

 

11. When are you most productive (Morning, Day, Night)?

I’m least productive right after lunch and in the afternoons.  I’m most productive in the mornings or from 8-10 at night.

 

12. What would you be doing if you had nothing else to do?

I never have nothing else to do and am incredibly good at amusing myself, keeping my mind occupied and myself busy, but ifP6230019 I were to ever get to this place, I’d probably work on some improvement around the house, write a story or read a book…not in that order, of course…or go soak in the hot tub for a few and contemplate the future of the universe.

 

 

13. Would you consider yourself a positive person?

Yes, I tend to be hopeful and not a complainer.  I do have my down moments, but they never last long.  I am definitely not a happy clappy good morning person though.

14. Have you ever been in a play or done any acting?

Yes, yes I have.  I usually play the crazy lady, the shrew or some comedic role.  This is something I’d like to pick back up when my children are older.  Community theatre calls.

 

15. Are you in awe of the world around you?

I am.  I just had a conversation P6230057with a friend today whose sister-in-law is battling leukemia.  She was telling me of the bone marrow transplant her sister-in-law will need and of the struggles she’s encountered.  It doesn’t take much to realize what amazing knowledge and technology we have at our disposal these days.  It doesn’t take much to be inspired by the incredible spirit and determination of a mother fighting for her life and remaining positive through it all.  It doesn’t take much to be incredibly grateful for your own good health and all the many other things you so often take for granted after hearing stories like this.

16. Do you like to go on road trips?

Oh yes!  They are very fun!  But I don’t like them when I haven’t enough money and the car breaks down in the middle of the Arizona desert.  Yeah, it happened to me.  It wasn’t fun.  I had another occurrence where a moving van broke down on me in the middle of a California desert somewhere.  That wasn’t fun either.  But…read my bucket list.  I someday want to rent an R.V. and travel the U.S. Serious road trip!

17, Would you consider yourself an outdoorsy person?

Only in the summer.  In the winter…I am outdoorsy but only if I have enough of the right kind of clothes to keep me warm and a reliable 4×4!

18. How many siblings do you have?

This number is undetermined because the actual data on how many of said siblings are currently disowning me is uncertain.  Just kidding.  I have five. Three brothers, two sisters. 

19. What is your favorite time of the year?

There are two favorite times of the year for me.  The first is that last day of the school year when I lock my doors for the last time and head home for summer break. This is a wonderful time of year knowing that the next morning and the next and the next I am more in control of my time and schedule and can come and go as I please day after day after day. It is the most wonderful feeling.

The other time of the year is autumn, early to mid-October, before Halloween.  This is the time of the year when the leaves are turning their brightest colors and the cold weather is threatening every morning and evening but is still a few weeks off.  I love this time of year. 

20. What time is it right now??

It is time for me to finish this post and head to bed.  10:14 p.m.  I do still have to work tomorrow and my cough seems to be returning and the body aches as well.  I need my rest.  I can’t afford the luxury and certainly don’t want to be sick again right before or during the holidays.

 

83607-YuleLog I’ve told you what is in my inbox that I find annoying, irritating or interesting.  I shared my response to a fun invitation to dialogue that ended up in my inbox.  I haven’t shared what I’d really like to find in my inbox. 

Here it is:

Because it is that time of year, and because temperatures in my area are creating no small amount of concern about freezing pipes and chilly atmospheres, I am thinking that what The Wild Mind needs is a nice, solid, long burning Yule Log for her fireplace.

What’s in your inbox these days?  What(Who) do you wish you’d find there?

Authenticity vs. Cosmetic Surgery: Which One Wins Out in the Battle for Real Love and Lasting Relationship?

I was over at one of my favorite bloggy friends homesites today checking up on what she was thinking about things and she wrote a bit about cosmetic surgery and a better sex life.  Okay, I wanted to comment…but I totally didn’t want to take center stage with it.  Instead, I left some smart ass tongue-in-cheek comment that, hopefully, made people think but didn’t take over the conversation. My response as posted was:

Geez,
All those 80-year-old people in the retirement homes who are getting married these days are sunk without plastic surgery. How can they possibly have a fulfilling, rewarding sex life if they simply just don’t look the part of our plastic, superficial, Hollywood driven, hedonistic, entertainment oriented culture? Sucks to be them I guess!


I was responding more to the other commenters than to BigLittleWolf’s post.  My friend, BigLittleWolf, has some great things to say…and she’s way more diplomatic than I am. She said some really important things here and posed some great questions…in a far more diplomatic way that I would have.  I so wanted to call bullshit on some of the people leaving comments. You’ll just have to go there and read her post and make your own decision.   Her post clearly touched a few nerves with me because here I am, posting a response.

First off the issue of visual stimulation being a male phenomenon was presented.  I wanted to call bullshit on that because nothing could be further from the truth.  I can’t tell you the number of times my panties have gotten wet because the fireman on duty down at Fire Station #4 a block away decided to flex his muscle during a presentation to the school children.  Men don’t have a corner on the visual stimulation market.  They just have better marketing and a bigger market share at this time. Women get turned on my a guy’s good looks too.  If you want me to do the research I can, but, seriously, you can do your own and come to the same conclusions.

Second, the reason women don’t have the reputation for getting turned on by the visual in quite the same way that men do is because it simply takes a bit more for us to jizz in our pants than a pretty smile, some big biceps and a bulging set of boxer briefs. We are, after all, the ones being penetrated and encroached upon.  A deposit is often left and sometimes that deposit develops into an account that requires regular deposits and close supervision until it matures. If Mr. Bulging Boxer Brief decides to take his leave of what is now not just me but us, then who’s going to be left taking the responsibility for this new account?  She is. It behooves us to be extremely picky about those we allow to make deposits in our bank.  Looks simply can’t be the be all end all in relationship…for a woman. We need more than just a nice “vision” to make sex the best it can be.  (Note: how many men are getting penis extensions these days?) We need old school things like trust, connection, intellect, respect, loyalty and responsibility in order to feel safe enough to give up our most vunerable self to another for the long haul.

Finally, the entire cosmetic surgery and the whole recreate yourself from the outside out  trend is conspiring to undo authenticity and relationship in our country. Nothing is real anymore and most of us don’t even have our original teeth let alone our original body parts. This preoccupation with how things appear at the expense of seeing things and people as they really are concerns me.  After all, I still believe what my mama told me, “Beauty is only skin deep.”  I don’t care how big the price tag that beauty has on it.  Ten  years after those implants have been implanted and I’m going to have to be looking at further surgery am I going to be any better person for it?  Will my relationships be better because I have size 38 DD boobs in spite of the fact that I abuse my lover and mistreat the waitresses when we go out?  Will my life be greatly improved over the long haul because my muffin top over my size 3 pants is less that it would be hanging over a size 10 pair of American Eagle jeans?  Do I really need to have that reconstructive foot surgery to make my feet a size 6 from their original size 9.5 just because little feet are prettier?  Really?  Are my smaller feet going to make me more sensual, more considerate, more giving and more kind in bed or anywhere else? 

I don’t know.  The whole preoccupation with our physical appearance at the expense of becoming really quality people worth knowing bothers me just a bit.

Can you tell?  

Texts From The Morning After—The Saturday Morning Live Edition

Text conversation this morning from a friend who recently got stillettoed by the latest love of his life and spent last night drinking to get her off his mind:

Him:  Drinking Stillettos off my mind worked last night. I went 0-4 picking up on women.  Seems everyone has a b/f or two.  But the headache is great.  Did you find $20 in your underwear this morning?  I did.

Me: Really?  Wow!  You must have been firefighting last night.  Whose fire I wonder?

Him:  I don’t know. And no strangers in my bed this morning.  Can’t find my keys.  Can’t find my work badge.

Me:  Geez!  Do you still have your truck and hoses?

Him:  Let me check.

Him:  Dammit.  The truck is gone!

Me:  Holy Shit!  There is a great big massive RED truck parked out front of my house.  You should see the hoses on this thing!

Him:  That truck gets around.

Me:  Yeah, it looks pretty broke in.

Him:  Hey!  The truck gets polished up. 😉

Me:  Polished, yeah, but these hoses are in sad shape! Ooops!  The horn works.

Him: Those hoses will get the job done.  Don’t you worry girl.

Me:  Hmmm, no firemen on board, so it’s not looking good.

Him:  They don’t know where the truck is either.

Me:  That’s too bad.  I’m such a morning person too.  Dammit!

Hmmm, seems someone has a fire truck fixation going.  Ah, well, might be better than that chicken issue a while back.