Sucks to Be Single in Over 40 Land

It sucks to be single in Over 40 Land.  Here’s why:

I don’t know how to change the light fixtures.

I can’t get the rest of the leaves blown and bagged and I’d rather be blowing and bagging other things and I can’t do that either. (Gads did I actually just write that?)

I had to hang my outside Christmas lights all by myself.  I’d like to have somebody else hanging my lights and turning them on!  (Did I just write that too?) 

I have to keep the fire burning…alone…oh wait, I already did that before anyway.  And, wait, what fire are we talking about because there’s one fire that’s completely non-existent these days. 

I have to clean out the fireplace…alone…oh wait, I already did that myself before too.

I have no one to fight with over the covers at night.

I have no one to keep me warm at night except my kids and they kick me and flail.

I have no one to criticize the way I decorated the tree. 

I have to attend all the kids’ events alone and act like I’m okay with it.  I was okay with it…at first…I am now getting sick of it. 

I hate going to Christmas parties by myself.  Hmmm, maybe I should hire an escort…like that’s EVER going to happen!  I can’t even hire a housekeeper anymore or lawn maintenance.  Gasp! 

I really don’t like sitting in my hot tub alone, although, I do it on occasion.

I have no one to call bullsh*t on me when I’m completely out to lunch.  Well, okay, my kids do this occasionally, but c’mon, they’re my kids.

I don’t have anyone who will show me how to use the chainsaw, pour cement for the front walks and help me  rebuild the destroyed inground sprinkler system.  (How it got destroyed is topic of another blog many years from now.) Looks like I’ll be Googling how to pour a cement walkway and doing it myself.  I do everything myself.

I have no one to go grocery shopping with who will pack out the huge dog food bag so I either do it myself or call for help.  I hate that.  I’m convinced Mr. Right will not appear while I’m wandering the aisles at the local grocery store.  Even if he did, what’s he going to do, chase me down, get my license plate number and then call me?  Get real!

I have no one to check that dark stain on the driveway under my car and tell me something is up AGAIN with my car. And, of course, I have no one to fix it.  

I have no one to sit nicely and encouragingly through my attempts at cooking while I try to get better.  My kids DO NOT help with that.  When they are gone, well, it’s just no fun cooking a meal for one.  However, it can sometimes be fun drinking a bottle of wine for two all by yourself.  A small bottle…

I have no one to dream with.

I have no one to play with…and…you know what I mean…

It’s just me these days.  And, sometimes, quite frankly, it just sucks.

Not always though.  Next post might be about all the things I really like about being alone.