February

I’m not much for winter.  It isn’t that I dislike winter, it is that I hate the darkness of the days in winter.  Now, I suppose this would be different if I lived in a place like Colorado where it snowed a lot and the sun shone often in spite of the frigid temps.  The combination of the snow and the sun would effectively ward off all gloominess associated with the dreary winter days that are oft experienced in certain parts of the Pacific Northwest.

I can handle winter up until New Year’s Day.  Then I’m ready for Spring, and more better, summer!  Every year, and especially this year, I party pretty hard through the holidays and winter doesn’t bother me much because I am distracted.  January was easier this year due to The Beau; he distracted me quite a bit this last month. In spite of the distractions, the early nightfalls and scraping the car windows every morning before work (when I’m already late and don’t have a handsome, considerate significant other to help me out with that) really create some serious resentment when it comes to all things winter. Never mind that I love the warm winter evenings near the fire.  That’s good only so long as there is firewood.

As I was driving my oldest home from her job the other evening we both noticed that behind the cloud cover and peeking through at points there was still light in the sky.  This cheers my soul.  This means, the worst of winter may be over for us and within two months spring will be here. 

I love February for this reason.  The cold, freezing biting frost begins to give way to the drizzly, cozy, coffee sipping days of February which magically turn into March leading us ultimately and inevitably to those wonderful days where I do not have to get up at the crack of dawn every morning (though I often do, just because I can) and can spend my days as I wish doing all the things I didn’t have the free time to do during the school year.

It also means quite a few months before the summer heat wave hits that I can save money by not using heat and not having to cool the house either.  That rocks!  

P.S.  My heat bill usually hits $400 a month.  By heating with wood and turning my heat way down during the day and only up when absolutely necessary, I was able to cut my gas bill in half.   It sure helped all summer to scavenge that free wood off friends who needed help clearing their properties.   And the little tip about turning the furnace down overnight even when we are here was golden!

P.S.S.  The upside to winter is there is no yard work, well, not as much anyway.

Things Look Better!

Things look better today.  Nothing’s changed, really.  Maybe the 1 Riesling Day Monday helped me just off gas all the emotional discouragement or  stress stirring around in there.  Maybe it is Suzie Orman’s book, “2009 Action Plan” that did it.

I picked this book up just after the New Year.  It was on the shelf at WalMart just yelling at me to buy it when I walked by to get a prescription filled. I succumbed to the temptation and I’m glad I did.  She does not paint a rosy picture of where things will go economically in 2009.  Her opinion is that everyone’s job is in danger, the housing market is likely going to plummet further before stabilizing, the credit crunch is disastrous and going to become more so and investments have lost value and may continue to do so. It was dismal news to read in a way.

In another way it was great news for me.  She really laid out the sad state of our economy with the foreclosures, repossessions of vehicles in the auto industry and the credit crunch.  I’m not highly informed about any of this but I found out that according to Suzie, I am doing the right stuff.  I have miraculously (certainly not by my own brilliance in these matters) done the right things and avoided many of the pitfalls I could have been trapped in.  I’m not out of the woods, but I am not in foreclosure, not in danger of my vehicle being repossessed and I have no reason to have to sell my home, as long as I continue to make the payments, which I am doing with greater and greater ease each month as I continue to live like a Spartan and pay off bills.  Even though my home is valued below what I owe on it, and that difference is expected to increase, according to Orman, somewhat during 2009, I am not in a rental and at the risk of the landlord not being able to make their payments on the house and then evicting me with only 30 days notice.  That would be disastrous!  With four kids, finding a new place would be difficult at best.  The potential for me to get back into anything livable would be slim or none and I could run the risk of having the same thing happen again. 

So, while I gripe and moan at times about the fact that I have a 30-year-old fixer, and I do mean fixer, and the fact that sometimes the routine repairs baffle me, I always come back to the place that I am grateful for this home and this roof over our heads.  If and when I am able to move into something nicer, I admit I’ll probably experience some bittersweet emotion at the prospect. I am even more grateful than ever that I am in this house and able to make my payments on time.  There are many, many people in much, much worse shape than I. 

 I’m sure that the realization that things are dire for many out there and I’m, so far, not in that place or headed there helped improve my perspective a bit.  I also think it may have been the fact that I simply got a good night’s sleep last night. Funny how fatigue can warp our perspective. Or, maybe, it was the fact that I’ve been eating healthier since the New Year and my body and mind are responding to the better fuel. Whatever it is, things looked better yesterday morning than they did the day before and they look really great today. It is Wednesday and I’m on the downward slope of the week.  Two more days and it will be the weekend and, not just any weekend, a three day weekend. 

Things look a lot better today!

Starting 2009 Peacefully With A Cuppa Joe In The H.T.

Alright, everybody’s already been up and at ’em and posted their good-byes to 2008 and their hopeful wishes for 2009 on their blogs already.  In spite of my lack of originality on the topic, I’m still going to chime in with my perspectives on the transition from the last to the current year. It will, at very least, help me sort out all the varying and wayward thoughts streaming through my gray matter this morning…which this morning especially…feels particularly gray, like it is socked in under a deep cloak of tangible fog.

I am getting a late start so far on this first day of 2009 due in part to way too much celebratory cheer last night…and not getting to bed till nearly four this morning.  Gads, that’s about the time my friends on the East Coast (should those be capitalized?) were getting up for the day.  I do hope this slow beginning is not indicative of how the year will go.  Unless, of course, slow is to be interpreted as peaceful, which is indeed how my day, particularly my morning progressed.

In spite of the slow, or maybe relaxing is a better word, start to my day, once I awoke at something like 9:30 this morning, I was wide awake, and thanks to lots of water, some ibuprofen and valerian root last night, no headache this morning.  Well, okay, a minor headache due to too much vodka and not enough water or sleep last night.  I should and have felt much worse in the past after drinking such quantities.  I’m glad I feel fine this morning.  What’s a temporary minor “heckake” as my dad used to call them?

I decided that, in spite of feeling particularly regretful about how the family celebrations last night transpired, I would not berate myself for the  choices I made and instead choose differently in the future.  In the spirit of this commitment, I got up and opened up the hot tub, fished out a mismatched two piece swim suit, made some coffee and enjoyed a steamy morning cuppa joe in my HT, completely alone, with the rain falling down around me.  Ahhh, cool mist on my face, embryonically warm water enfolding me  and warm brew inside me.  As I enjoyed these physical sensations,  I contemplated the past year and pondered as much as I could see down the road of the days ahead.

It feels like a different year, same ole stuff to me. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. 

I’ve gone on and on about the challenges 2008 posed for me. I don’t want to do that anymore.  You can read more about my personal trials in previous posts here or at my other blog at Welcome to CABsPlace! 2008 actually began with the end of 2007 and if that pattern holds true, then 2009 is beginning with the end of 2008.  This is not such a bad thing. 

The end of 2008 is an improvement over 2008’s beginning.  Life after divorce has stabilized.  While the financial picture is still somewhat bleak, there is great improvement each and every month.  My family is settling into the routine of our new life post-divorce.  We are not in danger of foreclosure, bankruptcy, job loss or health issues that plague many, many others.  We are indeed very fortunate and I am very grateful.  We have each other, and we actually enjoy being with each other…most of the time.  So, I guess, when I sort through all the things I’m feeling and thinking at this juncture of my life, I’m thinking I hope that none of these things change for the worse.  Improved circumstances are always welcome but I’d be completely okay with the status quo remaining simply that.  

I’m content to declare, “Out With The Old, In With the Same Ole, Same Ole”.

Yes, I’m going to put my list of hopes, dreams, goals, resolutions up eventually because I’m a believer that a written and spoken goal is far more likely to be achieved than an unspoken or unwritten one.  But, I’ll not do that at this moment.  I’m just pretty glad to enjoy this peaceful day that started with a cup of coffee in a hot tub. I do hope that this is some indication of how my year will be.

Take Some Christmas, A Warm Fire, and Two Glasses of Reisling and Call Me In The Morning

I just want to write something happy tonight.  My last few posts have focused on the somewhat drearier side of existence.  I’m ready for happy.  I’m usally ready for happy.  I also have all my Christmas decorations up and my house is clean.  I also have only two more days to work this week.  Well, that’s not really true, I get pulled out of the classroom for some district work on Friday and after dealing with tons of elementary school kids all day everyday, going to adult meetings is like taking the day off. 

There’s a warm fire burning in my woodstove.  The lights on the tree, the ledge and the window mirror in my entry way look absolutely inviting.  It isn’t a monstrous palace I live in, but it is warm and cozy and inviting most of the time. It is especially so at Christmas. 

I mentioned earlier in one of my posts either here or on my other blog at http://cabsplace.wordpress.com that I just wasn’t feeling the Christmas spirit.  I wasn’t.  I haven’t been.  It took a while to ignite. 

First, there was the haggling (in my mind) about whether or not to go with a fake tree this year.  I’m such a real tree lover (not hugger, lover).  I was concerned that getting a fake tree would be a disappointment to the kids.  There are some real valid reasons for wanting a fake tree though.  One is that the cost over time is something I really need to consider.  Throwing $30-$60 away on a tree that’s going to be dead by Christmas every year is not a good thing.  I also have a wood stove and the tree and the wood stove are not that far apart.  Remember, my palace is small.  Very, very small.  So tree and woodstove in the same room equals insurance claim waiting to happen…hmmmm.  

I also live right in the middle of Christmas tree land. Getting a permit and going out to the woods to cut my own tree is not a real tough thing to do.  I could do it.  However, cancel out another day out of my life that I desperately need to use to do laundry and cleaning.  I’d be doing it alone or with only my youngest which is fine, but again, it means something else vital doesn’t get done.  The worst part is getting the thing up on top of my 4×4 alone.  I could do everything else, but that might stymie me.  I usually enjoy going out in the woods and making a day of it with friends, building a big fire and hanging out after the trees are found…but again…not many couples enjoy having a single 5th wheel around and this year my single friends made other arrangements.  I just opted for the easy way out this year.

I’m glad I did.

I bought a $68 special at Wal-Mart.  After three attempts back and forth from Wally World, I had the thing up and lit.  And there it sat…for nearly a week.  I just dreaded the idea of going out and pulling down the decorations from the rafters in the garage.  I don’t know why.  Each day after school, I’d tell myself, toinght we’re going to do this.  Then my energy to do it would just evaporate.  Finally, I just gave my two older girls control of it.  So, Sunday evening they set about decorating the tree while I prepared dinner.  I deliberately stayed out of it.  I wanted it to be their thing. They did their thing and it is beautiful!

It looks like a decorator tree!  Well, almost.  I definitely need to work on getting some more of those specialty ornaments, but with the money I’ll save next year on buying a tree that should be no problem.  Next year. 

This year, I want to add one new thing to the outside light display.  I only have lights across the front of my house and a rope light up the walk.  Pretty boring.  But, hey, like I’ve said all over the place here, it’s been tight.  Things are getting better.  I think this year I might wait till the day after Christms (since I won’t have any kids) and go to the stores and get a few things for the outside of the house…and maybe for the inside too.  But not too much, just a few things.  In a few years of behaving like this I”ll have more Christmas than I could have imagined.

Anyway, I was pondering all this last night and feeling really at peace with the world. It is hard not to feel this way when your kids aren’t squabbling, the Christmas tree looks spectacular, the kids are fed and the dishes are done and the house is clean.  There was a warm fire in the woodstove and all was very well in my world.  It was so nice, that after I sent the younger two to bed, I slipped into my p.j.’s, poured a glass of my favorite Reisling and curled up on the couch to enjoy the ambiance. Before I knew it, I’d dozed off.  I awakened only momentarily when my two oldest girls entered after their holiday dinner theatre rehearsal.  I said a few groggy, loving words to them, they headed to bed themselves and I added a couple of  logs to the fire. 

I think I woke up about midnight and headed to bed after throwing the last few logs on the fire for the night.  The house is lovely, clean, cozy and warm.  My kids are fed and clothed.  We have a roof over our heads and we have Christmas in our hearts as well as our home. It could be a whole lot worse than this that’s for sure.  And, even though, I really have only one more week till my kids vanish for the Big Holiday, I’m going to enjoy every minute of it with them…and I’ll even enjoy the time without them too (I know, blasphemous thing to say, but, remember, I’m one who is with kids 24/7.  It’s nice to be alone after that sometimes). 

As long as the decorations are up, the fire is crackling warm and I can pour a glass of Reisling, life is good.  Not perfect, but still very, very good.

Negotiating a Divorce And Trying To Read The Crystal Ball

Today I tasked my students with attempting to begin their personal narratives in an interesting and creative way.  Now, it’s my turn and I am stuck.  How to begin? 

It was a dark and stormy night….na…taken, overused.

On Wednesday I was talking to a friend of mine….boring.

Hmmm, it is easier said than done.  It’s always easier to tell others how to do something and to give examples, but when it comes down to doing it yourself, it can be a much more challenging task.

This is how it is for me when I talk to my friends who are going through divorce.  I’ve been through divorce twice myself, but I also went through a custody trial on behalf of my second ex before he was my ex.  That means three times, I’ve needed to retain attorneys to resolve affairs of the heart that went bad and involved children and houses.  Once I settled out of court, once I experienced a two day, very tense and humiliating trial at the end of which I had no solutions and $30,000 less to my name.  The third time, the opposition never showed up so the judge ruled in my favor and  my attorney still stuck me with the bills.  None of these experiences was what I’d consider fun.  I never want to go there again. 

I hate to see my friends go through the pain, the anxiety, the fear, the tension, the complete range of unhappy emotions that come with negotiating anything in the legal realm, especially in family law.  It is so agonizing to stand by and listen and watch my friends knowing that I didn’t like what they are experiencing when I went through it.  It is painful to care for my friends and to see them experience such doubt, uncertainty, and angst.  It is hard to not be able to help in any way other than to sit by and listen.  Giving advice based on my experiences wouldn’t even be relevant because every situation is different.  The stakes are always high, as are the emotions but the nuances and possible consequences of all the negotiations are never just a simple black and white.

Even so, there are some things I’ve learned that I wish I would have known before going into the process and while enduring the process.  These are the things that are on my mind right now.  I’m airing them as much for me to revisit and clarify what I’ve learned and where I’ve travelled and why as much as to put it out there for anyone who might benefit from it.

I am not an attorney and none of this is intended to in any way replace the counsel of a good attorney. I am not a psychologist and I cannot give that kind of advice either.  All I’m really doing here is sharing what happened to me, what I wish I’d known or done differently.  Maybe it will help others maybe it won’t.  I’m really not all that concerned about that.  I just need to sort out for myself the jumble so I can be clear about the paths I chose and where they are now leading me.

One thing I wish I would have done in every case is wait and not panic.  This is not always possible.  When you are in the legal battle with someone you used to be very intimate with but with whom you cannot bear to be allied for a moment longer, waiting is especially hard.  Waiting is especially difficult if the person is abusive, dangerous or volatile.  Until you have that signed document you are still linked to that individual to some degree. It makes waiting nearly impossible, especially when the longer you still have the married label the further and more thoroughly the other person can destroy you financially, emotionally, maybe even physically.  When this is the situation, and you must wait, panic can eat you alive and prompt you to make decisions you may later regret. In my case, I made many good decisions, but there are some that I wish I’d waited on.  I wish I’d asked more questions of my attorney.  I wish I would have considered negotiating some other areas more thoroughly.  It might not have made a difference, but then again, it might have.

I also wish I could have seen more clearly how the deal I was negotiating then would affect my future which has become my present.  I think I did a very good job of this when considering the children.  I think I should have thought through it all a little more on the financial end.  I wish I could have seen a little more clearly then how it all would impact my future in post-divorce life.  How closely will I be connected and for how long will I be linked to this individual in the years to come? How much communication will be required between the two adults in question and is the amount required even going to be possible given the nature of the relationship?  As long as there are kids and money involved the chains still linking me to my past relationships are there even if they are invisible most of the time.  This sometimes negatively affects my present peace of mind.  Sometimes I wish I would have done this differently, though I’m not sure even now what that “differently” would be. 

 And this is the trouble with divorce, especially if there is a huge breakdown in communication, which it seems there usually is.  Because there are so many unknowns, so many possible and probable different outcomes, trying to see how my present decisions will impact my future life was a lot like gazing into a crystal ball and seeing nothing but formless shapes and figures among the misty haze. It simply isn’t possible to anticipate the future in every instance.  I think the people who are really good at computer programming could come up with a program to identify all the potential variables, courses of action and potential outcomes, but who has time or patience for that?

The best thing I did (and maybe the best any of us can do) is to  listen carefully to my attorney (get a second or third opinion if we need to) and try not to let our emotions rule.  The best we can do is to do the best we know how to do at the time.  In the end, I just had to move forward in confidence, knowing that I couldn’t know all the possible outcomes.  I had to forge ahead making decisions based only on the pieces of the puzzle that I could see and that my attorney could see. I forced myself to believe that it would all turn out okay, even when I was plagued with fears of the “what if’s”.  What if I lose the house?  What if I can’t make it financially?  What if, what if, what if…. There were nights I tossed and turned with the angst.

As it turned out, as most things turn out I’ve learned, most of what I feared never came to pass.  It ended up in some ways, in most ways, far better than I could have asked.  It ended up in a few ways more difficult than I imagined.  I simply did the best I knew how to do at the time.  It has to be good enough. This is the biggest lesson I take with me as I move forward into each day: I will be okay if I just do the best I can at the time.  When I get down and discouraged and starting thinking “I wish I would have” this is always the place I end up.  I did the best I could.  If I’d have known better, I’d have done better.  I just wasn’t able to read that crystal ball clearly enough, but it’s all turned out okay anyway.

The Good With The Bad…For Lack of a Better Title

I guess I’m living life in all its reality.  I mean, crap is happening…see my most recent post before this one about the drains in my house.  And the sewer incident was preceeded by my car blowing it’s engine this summer, which was preceeded by a year of trauma with cars, including the rear differential of my 4×4 dropping right out onto the street sometime just before Christmas of last year.  Due to my divorce a year ago…well…almost a year ago, finances have been tighter than I’ve ever known in my entire adult life.  Debt is gradually and consistently getting paid off, and I know I won’t be in this place forever, but because I have no wiggle room, it is nothing short of a crisis when things outside the budget occur.  So, that segment of my life is not the happy part of my reality. 

Along with all the stress associated with having to live so very spartan-like and not having the money for extras of any kind…heck, I don’t even have the money for some of the essentials, at times…life has its joyous elements and moments.  These moments splattered the crappy colors of my otherwise dismal financial reality with hope, energy, love and life. 

For example, due to the dismal situation with my drains, I had to call my first ex to take my three oldest children.  This resulted in them being gone for an entire week which was sad and very disappointing.  On the up side, though, it gave me some concentrated time with my youngest.  She slept with me every night and we were able to spend some fun time together in the evenings in spite of me having to complete some extra projects for work.  This was a very happy result of a somewhat stinky situation.

I also mentioned the plumber coming over and bringing dinner and drinks.  That ended up being very fun, and while it is still too soon to tell anything, he is definitely a decent man with a bit of heart and character to him.  And, he doesn’t have a problem communicating about himself or his thoughts…and even better than that…it appears he is capable of taking responsibility for his actions.  He’s continued to call me, we’ve gotten together one other time since the drain date, and while I’m not holding my breath, I think he will, at least, be a good friend if romance or reality doesn’t completely destroy us first. 

Finally, while I’m working some insane hours because I have about three extra projects I agreed to take on (no I’m not getting paid…yes, I am networking and padding my resume), I am loving every minute.  My students and I have this incredibly positive dynamic going in the classroom, the two other teachers I work with at my grade level are wonderful!  It helps that they are men.  There is no PMS-ing and the stress due to my colleagues having to have every little thing nailed down and signed in blood is completely gone. These two guys are nowhere near the definition of “control freak”.  If I screw up the world doesn’t end, if they need to adjust something I’m way relaxed and able to flex with it.  It soooo works for us…and it works for the kids too.  I enjoyed working with my old team and my other grade level…but…there were points where it was toxic.  Add to that the fact that I could have gone to grade level meetings for years (and did) and never have said one word and no one would have asked my opinion about anything, nor would they have cared.  That is not the case with my current team.  I contribute and they respect it.  I like that.  Plus, I really like the fact that they don’t PMS…

Living life in all its reality.  The good with the bad.  The tough times laced and threaded with really happy, nearly hysterically funny moments.  Moments like the writing session I had this week where a student announced that he was going to share his writing on “How To Kiss a Girl” and I told him and the class, “Wait!  First of all, I hope this will be rated G and in good taste.”  Hmmm, that was almost as bad as the time in my first year of teaching when at the end of the P.E. session I instructed the students to “Hold your balls!” Not so good….but very funny!  The kissing writing ended up being very sweet and very entertaining.  My kids are not afraid to laugh and enjoy our class.  This pleases me, no matter how backed up my drains are. 

The good with the bad.  Three of my kids had to live elsewhere this week and I missed them, but my second oldest got into the choir she tried out for as well as making it into the advanced drama class she auditioned for.  My oldest passed her written driver’s test with flying colors but failed the driving portion.  She’s taking it well and in 28 more days will be trying again.  My son is in cross country and the change to middle school is working very well for him, even though he still hates doing yard work.  At least I’m not having to harp on him about homework.  He does it gladly these days.  I can’t tell you how relieved I am.  One man who expresses interest in getting to know me, goes silent, two more step in to take his place.  The good with the bad. The bad with the good.  Life in all its reality.  It is never totally and completely a perfect fairy tale is it?

Peeved about the Plumbing

I’m in the process of reading Upton Sinclair’s book, The Jungle, about the Chicago meat packing industry.  Jargis, the main character, heads to America to make his fortune and is met with misfortune after misfortune after misfortune.  He seems to survive but just barely and gradually becomes the worse for the wear.  He ultimately falls in with what Sinclair dubs as “high class criminals” and things get better for him but only because he resorts to criminal acts. 

I once heard it said that it was not money that corrupts, but poverty. 

I have not had a happy experience reading Sinclair’s book.  But at the same time, I’ve been immensely relieved reading this book.

It is depressing, nothing goes right, the people Jargis love all die and he has to give up his morality and decency to survive. 

His struggles mirror my own over the last year and a half all too closely.  At the same time, this book  descriptively elaborates for me that not only could my situation be far worse, it describes in painful detail just exactly how much worse and in what ways. 

After two really poor marital choices, I am in the same boat many people my age are.  I’m over 40, single and reeling financially from a divorce that left me with more month at the end of my money than I care to experience.  I own my house, but I couldn’t sell it for what I owe.  It is a real fixer and needs more work done to maintain it than I can afford right now, and not being handy, the task of learning to do any of it myself is nothing short of overwhelming and terrifying.  Of course, tonight the drains backed up as they usually do at this time of the year because of roots growing into the drainage pipes. I can’t call the plumber because it would be extra charges and I just paid all the bills and there isn’t enough left over anyway.  Hmmm, which bills do I pay late on now?  This last year and a half has felt like one onslaught of financial disaster after another and with four children at home, it isn’t like I can get a second job in the evenings. It’s been a tough year. In many ways, I feel the hopelessness of Jargis, working and working and falling further and further behind.

On the other hand, my experience is vastly different than Jargis’ and I am grateful.  I haven’t had any of my children die.  I get paid pretty decent wages, which, as the debts get paid off will become more than they seem to be now. And, unlike Jargis, I am making progress in a positive direction, just not as quickly or painlessly as I would otherwise wish.  I’m not transplanted to another country where I don’t know the language and the rules of the society.  I enjoy my job and do not have to do dull labor day in and day out. I do own my own home and don’t have to worry when a landlord will evict me because they want to sell their home.  I am able to make my payments and foreclosure is not a reality for me, like it is for so many others across the country in these discouraging economic times.  My experience is nowhere near Jargis’ on so many levels and as I read this book, I am more and more appreciative of the times I live in and the fact that I really do have so much. 

I’m still really peeved that the drains backed up tonight. 

I wonder if, when I look back on this period of my life, I will remember it as Dickens said, “It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.” ?

It’s Not Fair That I’m Having All The Fun!

Really now, for me it has been one of those funtastic years.  I have had more fun with cars than I’ve ever had and more fun than any person should have.  It’s really not fair that I’m having all the fun.  I should share the joy! 

The fun all started last year about this time when my 91 Toyota Corolla decided that the alternator needed to be replaced.  It died on me without warning at a fairly busy intersection in town.  I was recently separated and well, that was a really fun experience.  I had no clue what to do and having been married for the last 2 decades, I was the typical airhead wife (when it came to cars) and left all the car repairs/maintenace up to Mr. Husband.  Not such a smart idea.  But the alternator could go out on anyone at any time.  I’ve since learned that this is just what makes alternators so much fun! 

So, since I was recently separated and very broke (I was paying for my house and for where I was staying both) I had no money to repair the alternator.  I enjoyed the fun of towing the vehicle back to my house and trying to borrow an old car (’86 Nissan Sentra) from the ex.  That car promptly blew the engine (on I-5 at rush hour) due to the fact that Mr. Ex was not one to maintain or service his vehicles on a regular basis.  No oil after a while adds up to no engine.  What fun! 

I do have a 98 Dodge Durango, which, at that time was running fairly well, but which also cost me a fun amount in gas.  I was driving a ton at that time attending class a nearby small university and was falling further and further behind due to having to take out small personal loans just to pay the gas.  More fun.  I decided it would be more practical to stop having so much financial fun with the Durango and get the Toyota repaired, so that is what I did. 

But now, the engine light was still on in the Toyota.  Hmmmm.  What fun.  I decided to do nothing about it at that time.  Even more fun!

Things rolled along rather uneventfully and quite dully for a month or two then last November I started hearing some strange sounds coming out of the Durango.  To make a long story short the funnest thing of all happened to me when early in December (and, yes, it was cold) my Durango dropped it’s rear differential right in the middle of the street about two blocks from my house.  Oh yes, that was a blast!  Everyone needs some wild fun like that.  My son was in the car with me and as soon as the thing stopped shimmying and shaking and I could stop the vehicle he yelled, “Mom!  Get out quick!  I think she’s gonna blow!”  Well, she didn’t blow but two hours and two different tow trucks later they had my pride and joy dollied up and towed back to my house.  It became even more fun when I discovered that the extended warranty wouldn’t cover the repairs and the total cost to me was going to be nearly two grand.  Since I was going through divorce and any extra cash I might have had was paying my attorney, I was really having a lot of fun now!  The tax return was so much fun because it went to pay for that repair.  I’m grateful to the dealership for saving me from having any more fun by storing my car for almost two months free of charge while I waited to get the tax returns. 

And still, during all this time, I am driving my Toyota that still has a check engine light on.  Hmmmm.  How much fun did I really want to have all by myself here?

Well, Durango gets repaired, I get in a small fender bender by myself due to my own tiredness and inattentiveness and now I either turn it into insurance which is a $500 deductible and possibly an increased rate.  What do you think I did?  I opted for more fun and did nothing. 

About two months ago a friend of mine suggested I really quit having so much fun and get the “Check Engine” light dealt with.  Hmmm,  I did forget to mention the flat tires that happened about that time resulting in the need for me to experience even more fun with two new tires balanced and all the tires rotated on the Toyota.  

Well, I had to wait, but last month I did get the “Check Engine” light checked out and, you guessed it, I was in for some more fun!  I was missing motor mounts and that was causing the O2 sensors to shear off.  Hmmm, what that really means is I got to spend $390 for some more great fun.  The check engine light is now off, but that brings me up to last Sunday, when, on the way to the coast, the Toyota (yes, the car that just got fixed) died.  By now, Triple A, has become my very best friend (hmmm, I think I might marry Triple A). For an hour I sat on I-5 on a Sunday morning waiting for a tow truck to arrive, looking like a complete and utter dork. Like I need a lot of help with that! To top it all off, since I was so close to the freeway, I decided to get myself out of the car and move further off the side of the road.  As I did that, I locked my keys in my car.  Wow!  Was that ever fun!  It really was fun when the state trouper stopped by to see how I was doing.  I nearly died when he pulled out his little white pad and started writing.  Thank goodness, he didn’t want me to have any more fun than I was already having so he just took notes and, when the tow truck finally arrived, he went on his way. 

So here I sit today, with a Durango that is missing a part underneath because of my own stupidity and is making strange clanking noises and a Toyota that needs a new distributor and won’t drive at all.  I’m really having so much fun! I can hardly stand it! The Durango is a fairly easy and inexpensive repair, but it will still cost money (wow, more fun!) and yet, the cost of gas these days (now there’s some fun everyone is having) will make it so that I become a homeless person just to keep the tank full.  Needless to say, even if I repair it, I won’t be driving it much.  The Toyota, on the other hand, is more expensive to repair but will save me dollars in gas.  But, as fun as things have been for me, I still don’t experience all the really great fun of having a lot of dollars lying around in Swiss bank accounts like I used to.  Well, like I said, it’s been a really fun year that way. 

I am really having more fun here with cars than any person has a right to. I mean, I’m really going to hate it when things turn around for me and the fun stops.  In fact, I’ve come to the conclusion that it really isn’t fair that I’m hoarding all the fun to myself.  I mean, really, others should be having some of this fun too.  In fact, maybe I should share all this fun I’ve been having.  Hahahaha!  Is anyone up for some fun?