Awards, Recognition, Reality & Paying It Forward

Sometimes life is funny and when you least expect it, it happens.  Whatever “it” is.

I was gifted with my first blog award by my friend Amber over at  Making The Moments Count.  To be honest, she completely blew me away with this!  She awarded me with The Sunshine Award.  She mentions in her post that I pose questions that make her think. I’m pleased that what I write resonates at some level with someone.  On a more personal and direct level, thank-you, Amber for letting me know in such an affirming and public way that my Random Musings means something to you.  Your appreciation means more to me than the award itself.  Thank you!

Reality

I’ve long desired to be recognized as a blogger, but I’ve also been realistic in my thinking.  I don’t have the time available to me each day to really do the kind of consistent search engine optimized writing every day that I need to be doing in order to really be an award winning blogger.  This post is likely a good example of what I’m talking about as I’m writing it at nearly 11 in the evening after a full day at work with kids and then a full evening at home with my own children. I won’t edit effectively, I know.  I get that I can’t devote all my time to blogging and it shows.   I’m also not so certain I am the next  J.K. Rowling or John Grisham of the blogging world.  So be it.  I have to write to please me instead of for other reasons at this time of my life.  I’d given up whatever fleeting hope I had of being recognized in the blogosphere.  And then…Amber.

I’m so honored that I was noticed and recognized by another bloggy friend in spite of the fact that I can only visit and comment sporadically on her posts (or anyone else’s for that matter these days).  I am especially amazed that I received it given that I don’t write daily and blogging is such an  “if you write it they will come” sort of endeavor. 

Recognition

Amber has given me the gift of a positive recognition for something I do that she appreciates.  When she gave out the award, she didn’t just say I was great or that she loved my stuff.  She specifically named what I did that meant something to her. 

Think kids or dogs are the only ones who appreciate some positive recognition and attention?  No way!  I’ve basked privately in this one for the last week (or has it been longer?) since she awarded it.  It means something to me. It means something to me to know that something I thought and took the effort to put in print resonated with someone else.  It especially means something to me that it resonated with Amber, because when I read her blog, I read myself, 19 years ago or maybe 17, with two young girls and I feel all the same things all over again.  Mostly the fatigue!  I’m so grateful I could impact her life positively if only to question, to challenge, to stimulate thinking, because I sure can’t help with babysitting, though, if we lived closer together, I’d certainly be glad to help! 

Paying It Forward

Amber received something from my writing and she paid it forward by letting me know.  Now it is my turn to pay ten other bloggers the compliment.  I will be paying it forward in the next few days (I am preparing for a big presentation at a state conference while also preparing for a professional development class for educators next week so, please, be patient). 

Further, I’m going to encourage my readers to consider paying it forward positively as well.  Have you had someone do something or say something that mattered to you in the last week or month.  Has someone done something or demonstrated some quality or skill that you admire?  Has someone made your life better, easier, more joyful in some way?  I encourage you to take a moment and let them know.  It could be that the positive response from you is just the thing they need to hear at just the right moment. 

If it matters to you…if it resonated with you…if it made you think or impacted you …won’t you let the person know?  I’m certain they’d appreciate knowing that their contribution to this thing we call life didn’t go unnoticed.

Lessons from Family Guy

It’s been said that children are always learning and learning all the time.  The real question is, “What exactly is it they are learning?”.  Further, the concerned parent might go so far as to ask where are they learning it and from whom? I’m warning you.  Don’t explore this too deeply.  The knowledge you discover might  alarm you if it doesn’t send you to your grave early.

Today, I was attempting to convey the meaning of the word synagogue to a group of fourth graders.  The word for some of them who are still learning English is a bit of a mouthful and I wanted to help attach some meaning to it for them since, it was in our reading selection for the week.  Don’t get all alarmed that I wasn’t respecting the proper division between church and state.  We were reading an Encyclopedia Brown excerpt.

After explaining the meaning of the word synagogue, one of my students blurted out in frustration, “Awwww!  I should have known that!  I learned that off Family Guy!”

Okay, maybe my definition was off…I’ve got to go back and check Websters.

Sigh.

Children are always learning and learning all the time.

Even in homes where television, radio and computer access are strictly controlled and monitored, children learn things that their parents are less than happy about.  Even though a parent might be diligent in monitoring the influences that children are exposed to, it is difficult to monitor the influences their friends are exposed to.

In spite of the very large influence that school, friends and media have on how children are influenced and what they learn, the home (generally) and parents (in particular) are the most influential factor in a child’s learning and development.

It is also often the case that what we intend to teach is not exactly what was learned.

Children are always learning and learning all the time.

What are you teaching?

Is this what they are learning?

How can one be sure?

I ask the questions simply because, if we are to be honest, our children learn far more from who we are than what we tell them.  Are they learning what we want them to learn? Better yet, are they learning what I want them to learn?

Behavior Expectations~Do You Have Any For your Child?

It is the busy season for The Wild Mind.  I have a day job that I love and which keeps me busy enough.  In addition, I am in the process of  branching out to include teaching and working with adults.  Currently, I am teaching a series of workshops on creating a positive home climate.  Everyone wants it. How do we achieve it?

Clearly a big piece of this focuses on behavior expectations for children, and how it is handled when the child does not meet the expectations.  Research shows that it is best if parents, teachers, caretakers adhere to a set of 3-5 clearly stated expectations.  As an educator, I intuitively understood this when thinking of my students and my classroom environment, but when it came to my home?  No way!

Over the last 4 years, I’ve changed my tune entirely.  Not only did I come to realize in my rejection of the three simple rules idea, that I actually had many more rules and expectations for my students than just the three.  This was in impossibility to enforce and, as such, it never really was enforced.

I now have three expectations in my home:  Be safe, Be Respectful, Be Responsible.  These expectations drive everything we do and how we behave in my home.  After all, am I not, as the only adult in my home, the key player in my home for providing clarity and order.  Am I not the one tasked with trying to make sure my children are prepared for adulthood and successful in life, especially once that life no longer involves me reminding them of all they must do?

I’ve mentioned my 3 expectations.  They are not the only ones out there.  I know this.  They are just the ones that work for me (and there is some research behind them that indicates that they really work for many others).

Have you stopped to think about what your expectations are for your children?  How many expectations  do you have?  Are they clearly written somewhere?

Monsoons of Adolescence or How Parenting a Teenager is Sometimes Like Experiencing A Sudden Flash Flood.

Ever been in Tucson in the middle of the summer?  For me, the weather is gorgeous.  I love opening my door and feeling that blast of heat that resembles an oven set to 450 degrees.  I lived in Tucson one summer and loved every minute of it.  It was the only time as a parent that I enjoyed the stay-at-home-mommy status. 

One thing that comes with that glorious heat is the instantaneous monsoon weather.  One minute the sky is brilliantly blue and the weather hot.  Perfect tanning times.  The next moment, you are running for cover under a downpour so torrential even a native Oregonian would fear for her life.  Flash floods are no joking matter.  Monsoon season is just a way of life for the native Southwesterner.  I loved it, but during my short stay in the region, I never got over the sudden switch the weather could make from serene to stormy. 

Sometimes we mess up as parents and make the wrong decision or say something ( even well intentioned) in a way that wasn’t received quite the way we hoped by the teenager. Before we know it, the sunny weather in our home has transitioned to hurricane force gales with words hurling like debris in a tornado. 

In instances like these, you might wonder, what just happened there? You might also wonder, why am I saying that?  Or why is he/she saying that?!

The reality is, no matter how good we become as parents, we are bound to have some conflict with our teenager at some point. My mother used to suggest that the best remedy for this sudden monsoon like behavior in our teen is, simply, to dig a hole, bury them and unearth them when they turn 25.  Now, I’m not sure how practical it would be to bury anyone alive, let alone a teenager (especially if they have a cell phone with text messaging), but I got my mom’s point:  sometimes all you can do when dealing with the sudden mood shifts is to hang on and wait out the storm.

Sometimes those mood shifts are unexpected and unexplained.  Sometimes, we as parents, create them by being less than supportive, or positive or by not listening closely enough to our child.  Whatever the case, even in the best of homes some conflict is bound to occur.

What strategies do you employ to mend the rifts and stay connected?

The Blogroll Game

I’m procrastinating again. 

I can tell.  I follow a particular pattern in my procrastination.

First, I get out the work I need to do. Today, I must prep math lessons in powerpoint and develop a promotional flyer for the school’s afterschool math club in April.

I then leave the laptop and the curriculum and the file for the afterschool math club on the table and go pour a glass of wine.  Then I get online to check my email and Facebook account activity.  I change my status message at Facebook, read the one email I have on Facebook, delete all the messages I received in my yahoo inbox from Freecycle.org and then I go read what all my bloggy friends have written since Friday. 

I get distracted responding to their posts.

I then play The Blogroll Game.  This is the game I created for myself to keep myself from being completely productive and to keep myself from using technology efficiently.  I go to a bloggy friend’s blog read all their stuff.  Maybe I’ll leave a comment, but then I check out their blogroll. 

This gets me in big trouble every time.  I lose hours of productivity and fall further behind in life as the result.  It’s a great game!

Today I was over at Zeus’ blog, “On Becoming A Universal and Narcissistic God” and after reading his most recent post, which admittedly was way over my little head,  I checked out his blogroll.  Personally, I love checking out his blogroll (hee!hee!) any chance I can get, but it usually discourages me because he has some great bloggers listed there.  Oh well, when I grow up I want to be like them. 

Anyway…today…by chance I clicked on the blog Zeus had listed as Dad’s House.  (I was actually heading toward CMajor7’s blog, because reading him also makes me happy or at least want to move away from here, but got distracted.) If you are a single parent or even a single post-marriage individual in your late thirties or forties, you need to check this blog out. His blogroll is amazing and will connect you to others who are dealing with the same parenting/dating quandaries we all seem to experience at this stage of the game.  David Mott’s posts are entertaining, well written and have just enough substance to them that you can do something with it and not be completely overwhelmed (unlike my own posts.  Oh well, I want to be like David Mott when I grow up too, so there).

Join me in The Blogroll Game and procrastinate away!

Okay, now that I’ve frittered 90 good minutes away in cyberworld, I think I can finally get to work…hah!  Maybe.

Valentine’s Day Babysitting Shortage

The closest I'll get to a Valentine this year

Well, let’s see.  How does a single 40-somethin’ woman talk about Valentine’s Day?  I guess I could say I will end up getting at least 33 Valentines.  Sadly, they will be from people far younger than I.  All of them adore me and think the world of me, and I can’t really ask for much more than that.  

However, in adult world, I will be sitting at home enjoying Valentines with a very special 8-year-old.  Yeah, I did get invites out.  More that one, that’d be plural.  Actually worked really hard to try to find babysitting for the 8-year-old, but after about the 5th attempt, I decided, I simply didn’t want to try anymore.  Now the person I am trying to get the babysitting arranged for will feel as though I am really not that into him and I will have to explain and if he understands that I just can’t feel good about leaving my sweet child with just any old stranger (I feel kinda weird leaving her anyway, stranger or no) then things will be fine.  If he doesn’t understand, then I guess another one bites the dust.  I’ve exhausted all my options and I just refuse to leave my child with someone she doesn’t know so I can go out and have dinner with a nice man and all his friends and their wives/girlfriends. 

This is where it all feels bad.  He’s not going to be able to go out with his friends and their significant others without being the odd man out.  I’m not going to be able to go and feel good since all five of the folks I usually call on to babysit are unavailable, including my own two older children.  On an adult level, in one way, probably one very minor and insignificant way, really, this just doesn’t feel good.  I hate letting people down like this. It’s not likely he’s going to be aware of how difficult it really is to get a babysitter on Valentine’s Day and will likely view it as a cop out on my part, which it won’t be, but it won’t matter. When no familiar babysitters are available, I feel so much like I’m abandoning my child. I’ve paid for a babysitter for her once over the last year.  I just don’t ever go out when my kids are with me. But…it is Valentine’s Day and, well….I should have known it was going to be the most difficult day of the year to arrange babsitting.  Even if someone didn’t have plans, for them to admit it would be a bit like them admitting they are a loser and have no life (j/k).

No matter how hard it will be to call tomorrow and say, “Hey, I’m sorry it just isn’t going to work out, blah, blah, blah”, nothing is worth my little girl’s security and happiness.  She’s absolutely my favorite Valentine.  I won’t mind for a minute spending time with her.  I only wish I’d remembered how difficult babysitters are to find on Valentine’s to begin with and said no before saying yes.

Glorious! Glorious!

There are days that just go so gloriously well it can’t even be imagined.  There are other days that become so gloriously comical it can’t even be believed.  Then there are other days that just so beautifully and gloriously shine indications of summer upon you that you can’t despair.

Today was all of those for me.

It went gloriously well in spite of many opportunities for potential disaster.  No disasters.  All success.

It was gloriously comical in that after I completed the wonderful parenting presentation to parents…I went home and had immediate cause to implement everything I’d talked about in order to keep child 3 from destroying child 4.  Well, maybe destroying is quite and extreme term but if you are a parent, you know exactly what I mean.

And, as I traveled home for a brief break between school and evening presentation the sun hit my rear view mirror at just the right angle as to be blinding.  The entire late afternoon was swathed in gold reminiscent of a summer sunset. Had the temps outside been something other than the 50 degrees they were, even I might have mistaken this afternoon for a midsummer’s afternoon dream.  Sigh. 

I hate the months of January, February and March.  I’m such a summer and fall type person.  Today had every indication of being a beautiful summer day, except for the dismal number on thermometer. 

I am enjoying the longer days, the later sunsets and the increasingly warmer temps.  I long for summer. 

Summer is simply glorious!

A 1 Reisling Day

Random thoughts today with no time or energy to develop any of them.

I got the scoop from Mexico Friend on the moonlit first date.  Wow!  It’s a steamy one.  Watch for it in the next week.  I’m going to take time with that to make sure I get that just right. 

Mexico Friend and Husband showed me their pictures. Of course, they look like they are models for some travel magazine or something. And, yes, it was paradise.  It’s not fair that two people can be married that long and just as cute and as in love as when they had the moonlit first date.  I want that.  Is it too late for me.  I think it might be.  But I’ll write their story anyway and love every minute of it because it is such a happy story…and because they promised to have me over for Becks beer so they could tell me more stories. 

ReGifting Friend came to work really under the weather.  She is also very cute.  Makes me sick, even when she’s sick as a dog she looks great.  I hope she feels better.  She really is a trouper…and such a great friend…even though I’ve only known her a short time…she’s in my Friendship Hall of Fame for sure.

Good Company this weekend was great company, but I suspect he’s still searching.  It’s not anything he’s said, it is just that I get this vibe that well, maybe he’s only kinda sorta into me, but if something better came along then….sigh….

Taught a really crap lesson in math today and had a somewhat disrupted reading time today.  It exhausted me.  Not horrible in these areas today, but not my best performances ever either.

The plumbing in the kid’s bathroom is not only not repaired, it is now running like a small, steady steam.  Okay, here comes one more expense.  I sure hope not.

The kids left the dogs in the house today which always spells disaster and smells like it too.  I was not happy.  In addition, after millions of sessions explaining exactly what I expect from them each morning (pick up after yourself, specifically, do your own effing dishes) I came home to a sink full of dishes and dog disaster greeting my eyes and burning my nostrils.  I was not a happy camper when I arrived home.

On an up note, the entire bottle of Reisling that I downed tonight was absolutely delicious!

Yep, that’s how my day was…a one bottle Reisling day. 

Hey, all’s well that ends well right?

Any Ideas?

I set aside specific time for writing each day.  Well, each day that I’m off from work I do.  Days that I work, I have to schedule differently.  When I’m not dashing to work to do my day job, I like to get up early (well, not that early) and write before the kids wake up.  Today, I slept in though. I don’t know why I slept in so late on this particular day.  I didn’t go to bed that late last night.  I mean, after the kids and I watched a movie, I crashed on the monster green couch in front of the wood stove.  I usually do this in the winter.  The couch is comfy and the wood stove needs to be refueled about midnight, then again at two in order to keep the place warm enough that I don’t have to run the gas heat incessantly.  In addition, the couch is just warm and ultra comfy cozy.  My bed is also warm and ultra comfy cozy but it is located at the far end of the house in the coldest room of the house so getting to it means I must brave some near Arctic temperatures just to enjoy the haven of the massive king size four poster that I call my bed.  (Sadly, so do my children whenever they feel moved, or frightened by monsters under their beds.  I keep telling them they should clean up!)  So, I dozed there on the plush couch till about two in the morning, stoked up the fire and went to bed just like I do every other night of the winter months, even when I have to wake up at o’dark thirty to get to work.  So why, today, would I sleep in till 9:30?  I don’t get it. 

Whether I get it or not, it is now after breakfast and pushing lunch time.  All the kids are up, dishes need to be washed (and I don’t have a dishwasher other than the four children), two of the girls are squabbling about how to arrange the room they share (Arrange it?  I’d just like them to clean it!) and the son keeps trying to sneak onto the Playstation to play his Madden ’08 game.  I have to work out in the garage and figure out what I’ll fix for dinner (I hate that part the most!).  My day is nearly over before it’s begun it seems. 

So much for my writing time today.

Two days later:

I saved that first bit as a draft hoping to return to it before the day ended so I could post.  I’m really working hard at writing daily and posting daily on both my blogs (I actually have three).  I’m doing this because I’ve found that the mere blog format keeps me accountable.  More people read when I write.  When I don’t write reading slacks off.  However, this is not my motivation for writing on my blog, it is merely a perk.  I write, because someday I hope to supplement my income with said writing.  Okay, that’s not really even true.  I write, because since I was in about 4th grade, I had this dream of being a published author.  I’ve actually been afraid to pursue that dream…rejection is huge in the writing industry and I wasn’t up to it.   I am more up to it now.  Just like anyone who hopes to be good at what they do, they have to practice and work on improving.  That’s what this blogging thing is to me: an opportunity to practice, hopefully improve and gain feedback from readers willing to give their input.

Scheduling time to write with a houseful of kids around and no spouse or significant other or nanny to assist is one of the most challenging tasks I’ve faced to date….okay, besides changing the light fixtures…which ended up being incredibly easy.  So, I’m thinking it is possible that this scheduling dilemma I face has a fairly simple solution which I’m currently unable to see…probably because I’m being a baby and don’t want to see it yet.  After all, being a baby is easier than simply growing up and taking control of your life.  In the end, it doesn’t feel good as an adult, to be baby, so eventually I must take control.  I believe that time  is now.

I cannot change the fact that my life is incredibly busy and full.  I actually like that.

I can’t change the fact that writing requires time, sometimes a great deal of time, for questionable results, and time is a precious commodity for me.

I know that if I don’t write daily I feel like I’ve missed out on part of my life somehow. 

I’m wondering what do other writers do to balance all the demands of their busy lives and still get the writing written?  Not everyone is a career writer.  Some have to share the writing job with the day job.  How on earth do they manage to do that, take care of kids, do laundry, eat, workout and fold clothes.  I don’t get it.

Any ideas?

The Trouble With Going Postal

Look.  I’m probably going to get myself in trouble with the bigs for saying this, but the truth is I’d like to go postal.  I can’t though.  I mean, I try, but I just can’t.

I just can’t post anything these days.  At least, not much that I’m pleased with.  And forget posting anything quality during the week.  (Okay, no potshots about the quality the rest of the time, wise guys!)

I have about six posts started.  None completed.  Just when I get to the place where I really need to concentrate either because I’m reworking a part or trying to figure out which direction I’d like the piece to head, someone or something interrupts me. Today, it was my 15-year-old telling me at the last minute that she needed cupcakes for a class party tomorrow. Of course, she waits till I’ve taken off my shoes and socks, changed into my cozy jammies and am nearly two steps from curling up in my oversized and very cozy king sized bed befre she ever so sweetly says, “Hey, Mom….”.  You know the rest of the story.

My head started spinning around with green stuff flying everywhere.

Okay, according to her, I did go postal so, also according to her, my first statement was a misrepresentation. 

Well, it was nothing compared to how I felt after I got dressed again, went down to the store with her, picked up the three dozen cupcakes (after going two different places to find them), drove all the way home and then realized we’d left them at the checkout counter.

Wow. Someone around here needs to go to bed earlier.