Online Dating: 10 Things Men Should Definitely NOT Do

Don’t you love all these dating advice sites for guys that are written by guys?  I think they are funny.  Here’s a guy telling another guy what works with women.  What the first guy is really getting from the guy he gets advice from is what works for that guy with the gals he’s meeting or being successful with…doesn’t mean it will work for you…unless what you want is what he’s getting exactly. 

To put it differently, it would be like me going to ask advice about how guys think from a woman.  How the hell will she know???  She’s not one of them.  She might be close.  She might even be right on.  I might even listen to her and take her advice, but not before I check it out with my guy friends.  The ones I know I can trust.  The ones who feel comfortable with me enough to tell it like it is.  These are the guy friends I would never date or become romantically interested in for one of two reasons:  a.) because they are married to my very good girl friends or b.) they would tell me point blank, “Hey, it’s just really hard to get romantic with one of the guys”.

So for all the guys out there, who hope to try to make an impression with a woman online so that you can put yourself at the top of the email pile and maybe even make it into her favorites list, I’ve provided this list of my top ten most reliable behaviors that will get a guy blown off, ignored or deleted.  

I confessed in an earlier post that I was a bit of an online dating junkie.  At one point, I was on, I think, three different sites at one time.  I’ve explored nearly all of the really notable ones, free and paid, for long enough to form a strong opinion about which approaches from men really work and which don’t work at all.  I’m pretty successful in the online forum for reasons that have to do with sincerity, truth and a good picture that really looks like me. Plus, I think it helped that I grew up as a tomboy.  (The Barbie Doll shoes really annoyed me.) I kinda get the mentality of bonding over doing something  instead of  the just talking thing…something most women don’t get but which many men, bless their hearts, endure anyway. 

But I’m talking and not doing, so I’ll cut to the chase.

10 Things You Should NOT Do When Approaching A Woman Online

1.  Don’t be self-absorbed.  Clearly, this should be a no brainer, but I’ve received a ton of emails where the man talks only about himself.  If I don’t know the guy, there’s nothing there to help me connect with him.  What you are thinking is you want to give her information that will help her make an informed decision about you.  Sadly, you’re assuming too much in what it is that she is making her decisions upon. She’s thinking, man if I get into relationship with him am I going to have to put up with him talking about him all the time?  She’ll hit the delete key, send a “thanks but no thanks message” or, worse, she’ll block you.

2.  Don’t treat this online forum as a job interview.   Would you do that at a cocktail party?  Would you start interrogating someone you were attracted to about their past relationships, their preferences for sexual frequency and whether or not they’d be comfortable with you coming up from behind and grabbing them by the boobs in public? (Yes, all these things have happened to me and to other women I know.)

3.  Don’t fall in love too soon.  Dude, until you meet her and date her…a lot of times…or, at least until she tells you otherwise…she is still just a digital image paired with some words.  Don’t go being all smitten and stuff and talking about how gorgeous she is and how you think the two of you were meant to be.  She’s making decisions based upon how you treat her, talk to her and think about her.  If you think she’s an “object” instead of a person, she’ll disappear. Treat her like another human being, not like the beauty you are attracted to.  She’ll become that beauty in your face-to-face life if you can respect her and love her for her mind and her contribution to this world (beyond just the airbrushed or real beauty).

4. Don’t be afraid to be you.  Women are all about relationship.  We want to connect.  We want to connect with those we relate to. If you are trying to be something you are not, we will see through this eventually.  Hopefully, for everyone involved, this happens sooner rather than later, but there are plenty of divorce statistics out there that state otherwise.  If you are a funny, humorous light hearted sort express that.  If you are more serious and thoughtful let that be apparent.  The woman you are hoping to attract will be attracted to the real you.

5. Don’t try to impress her with how many dates you’ve been out on recently.  That might work if you’re trying to impress the guys, but for use female types this simply translates as “we’re just one of many options” you have.  No one wants to be an “option”.  All of us want to be the person you’d slay dragons for.  If you try this approach we will read it as you’ve already decided that “you’re just not that into us”.  We’d be fools or unhealthy to invest in that.

6.  Don’t expect her to do all the work in setting up the first meeting.  Take the bull by the horns.  Suggest something, anything.  It is never okay to make her a.) call you when she’s free or b.) tell you what it is that she wants to do if you’re the one approaching first.  In this area, you must take risks and forge ahead trusting that if she is not okay with it she’ll be decent and kind enough to counter your proposal with another option.  If she kicks you to the curb because you missed on the first idea for a meeting, is that such a bad thing?   After all, if she treats you like that after such a kind gesture, do you want to be in a  relationship where that treatment is the norm?  I mean, really c’mon.  You’re a great guy.  You deserve some respect.

7.  Don’t ask her how successful she’s been in the online dating forum.  This question shows up like this:  “So, having any success here?”  or “So, I bet you have all the guys wanting to meet you!”  First off, we have no idea how to respond to that with kindness.  If we are successful and we tell you that,  what will you think?  (Please note that women, especially ones with good photos and well written profiles…okay…skip the profile…ones with good photos and lots of them…are going to get more mail than they could possilby respond to in a 24-hour period if they worked straight through.) If we tell you honestly that we aren’t having much luck…well…what will you think then?

8.  Don’t give up too easily.  Guys, remember, that many of us are single moms with careers and we might be homeowners in our own right as well.  (Meaning, we bought the friggin’ house ourselves and didn’t get it gifted to us as the result of a divorce settlement, death, or judge’s signature at the expense of some poor man who may have had to claim bankruptcy in order to avoid contempt of court charges.) This requires our time and if we are real people we won’t be able to respond right away all the time.  Kids have concerts, we have lives, houses need to be maintained and we simply need to sleep sometimes.  Be patient.  Don’t assume that because we didn’t respond the first time we didn’t care.  Don’t also assume that if our response is brief that we are just not that into you.  We might have wanted to connect, but the kids were demanding our attention, the account we have to have that big proposal ready for  is meeting with us the next day or the car dropped its rear differential in the street three hours ago and we have no idea how we’re going to get that repair done.  Please cut us some slack. We are willing to make room for you in our busy lives, but not till we know you’re going to be willing to accept our busy lives. Be patient.  I cannot say this enough.

9.  Don’t come on too strong.  I know that sounds strange after what I just wrote, but listen, if you pounce, you’ll suffocate.  You’d run too.  Have fun with it.  Don’t make it the end all most important thing ever.  Relax.  Friendships, relationships, love, is a bit of a dance.  Don’t force, just be the fun you, the thoughtful you, the true you that you are but be very careful of overdoing it.  I might add that if you feel like you are being you and at the same time you feel like you are coming on too strong, maybe you should pull back.  A woman in love can never get enough of her man’s attention or affection and she is always deeply appreciative of it even if she can’t necessarily carve out the time to respond at that exact moment.  If you are feeling weird about things, listen to that.

10.  Dont’ go silent.  Say something.  Understand that women are verbal creatures.  On the playground as kids you guys settled differences by physically laying into each other.  We, girls, learned the “more socially acceptible” method of being catty, using our vocabulary and really learning that words, as well as sticks and stones and fists, can hurt and leave deeper scars.  We also learned that words can create worlds, characters, perceptions and evoke really positive emotion too.  We live and love base on the words you tell us (as long as they match your actions).  Please, don’t just email us and say, “Hey!”.  Don’t email us with tons of pictures of you and your life and no verbal explanation.  Don’t just grunt.  We need to connect with you and we do it with words.  This is never more important than in the online forum where the first meeting is completely textual and verbal.

And I might add, that if you really want to make an impression you should consider what your elementary schoolteachers told you and use good punctuation, capitalization and accurate spelling.  Even if she’s not all that smart, your emails will be easier for her to read and understand.  If she is all that smart, she won’t give you the time of day if you can’t communicate well in writing.  If you find that too tedious, take your chances.  If  you can’t present yourself well in writing, what  makes you think she’s going to think you can present yourself well in person? 

Okay, have fun with that one fans and skeptics alike! I’d really like to hear perspectives that maybe I, in my finite wisdom, have not considered.  Do enlighten me.

In the meantime, enjoy your online dating experience.  It can be frustrating, heartbreaking and disappointing, but it can also be a great way to get to know other people in your world when your world doesn’t allow you to cross their paths in real time.  It can also be a great source for putting yourself in the path of romance.  After all, 1 in 8  married couples in 2006 met online.  I’m sure that statistic has grown since then.

I’m the Original! I’m One-Of-A-Kind! Are You?

HowManyOfMe.com
Logo There is
1
person with my name in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

It’s a long and tedious narrative as to how I stumbled upon this site.  I’ll cut to the chase. (Not!)  Since I’m home from work with a sick 8-year-old, I have all the time in the world, between grading papers, doing laundry and washing dishes, to be a tedious blowhard.  After all, the kid’s sleeping and I can’t think of anything else to write anyway, so why the heck not?

I  belong to a social networking site and an anonymous person from the other side of the country asked to add me as his friend.  Before accepting his invitation, I checked out his profile.  This is my standard procedure whenever any one sends me a friend request.  The thing I like about this particular social networking site is the fact that it is a.) intended for people over 40 and b.) not a dating site.  There are married people on there too.  The site is based around discussion groups of particular interests.  People join in on the discussion threads and comment back and forth.  Anyway, it’s an interesting little site.  I drop in there about once every couple of months to clear out my inbox and review all the friend requests that have accumulated during the time.  This time, I believe I had 48 waiting for me to respond.  I guess I hadn’t checked in since before the holidays.  While  checking out the soon-to-be friend’s profile, I noted that he was a reference librarian and had a blog of his own.  Blogomaniac that I am I had to check it out.  I’m glad I did.  It was a link from his blog that led me to the How Many of Me? site.  If you go there, you can find out how many other people in the country share your first and last name. 

I am pleased to announce that I am the only one in the nation that shares my first and last name.  My first name, however, is the 99th most popular first name and my last name is the 58,869th most popular last name.  Only 428 people in the nation share my last name, which really isn’t my name by birth, but mine by marriage. Even though the marriage didn’t last, I figured the name sounded cool, especially when paired with my first name, so I kept it.  This irritated the ex to no end and was far more convenient for me than reverting back to an earlier version of myself, something I am loathe to do.

Go check the site out then come back and tell me….

Are you an original?

 

It Appears I’m The One Going Silent This Time…Sorta

A short post tonight.  I’m tired.   I still have a ton to do before tomorrow, when I can hop in the car and travel 90 minutes north for my mini-vacation of sorts with The Beau.  We have plans to relax (I’ll probably collapse) Friday evening.  Knowing him, he’ll cook for me, I’ll eat, we’ll talk till wee hours of the morning (yeah, right). 

Saturday morning, he’s cleaning his garage, I’m going to grade papers.

Saturday afternoon it is a wine pairing session at our winery.  That will be fun.  I will actually be able to talk intelligently about something I know nothing about afterward.  Okay…I am becoming such the wine snob.  Not!  However, it is true.  I now know the difference between a $15 bottle of wine and a $6 bottle of wine.  And the $30 bottle?  Oh my! 

Then Saturday evening I do believe we have a concert he’s lined up.  I really like not having to be the one to come up with ideas for stuff all the time.  I dated one guy recently and he couldn’t make a decision if his life depended upon it.  I’m a pretty decisive person most of the time, but that one wore me out.  I was actually glad he went silent.  I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to be dating someone who is somewhat imaginative, creative and, yes, takes the initiative, oh, wait, and he communicates too.  Wow.  What a concept. 

I’m going to be behind on laundry when I get back, but…it will be worth it. 

Okay, I have to go.  I’m tired.  I have a big day tomorrow.  I probably won’t post much this weekend…for obvious reasons.  Ha!Ha!  It appears I’ll be the one going silent this time.  Okay, but I warned you in advance and it isn’t indefinitely.  So don’t be too unhappy.  I will be back with stories to tell. 

Sorry for the rambling, disjointed post, but I’m about ready to fall off this chair.  I’m going to be surprised if I reread this and there are less than a dozen typos.  I’m really that exhausted.

Lying About The Things We Don’t Care About Anyway

I found this one in my travels on the Net this last week.  Wasn’t exactly looking for something about Internet Dating, but when this flashed across my screen the sad (I use that term very loosely) plight of dating in mid-life struck me as completely funny. 

unfortunatetruthaboutdating

Personally, I’d be quite content with the happy medium. You know, not too thin, not too…., just right.  Oh, yeah, and my age or older.  I’m kind of not into the cougar scene, though, from what I hear it definitely has it’s advantages.  I guess, I already have enough kids in my home to take care of.  Ooops!  Did I really say that?

Okay, next funny.  Have you ever had this happen? 

honestyonweb

If you’ve been anywhere for very long in Online Dating World, you’ve had at least one experience where someone misrepresented their age, physical stature or posted a completely false picture.  I had one instance, almost a year ago now, where I hit it off (seemingly) with a guy about a year older than me (supposedly) online.  We had great fun chatting, laughing, talking via phone call and email.  He lived out of town so it was difficult to meet.  Then came the week midwinter last year when I attended a conference in his city.  I figured, that stunningly good-looking as I was and not having to travel very far to meet me, he’d be all over coming to my hotel (hey, paid by for by the company even) to meet me.  The first night I was in town he called and we talked just like I wasn’t in town.  The second night the same thing.  I’m a very patient person but by the third night I was thinking something was up.  So, I gave him the ultimatum.  “Look,” I said, “I’m thinking getting up off your butt and coming down to my hotel to meet me is a far sight better than driving the five hours you’d have to drive to see me otherwise.  So, this is what I’m thinking.  I’m thinking if you aren’t down here in the lobby of the hotel in an hour, I’m going to think you aren’t interested and I’m moving on. ”

He showed, but 30 minutes after the deadline.  I should have walked and not met him, but by that time I was curious and, hey, I was in another town with no laundry, kids, or anything to worry about so I waited.  Oh my gosh.  What a surprise.

He walked in and instantly I figured out why he hesitated to meet me.  The picture he’d posted of himself was probably him…twenty years earlier.  I did end up going for a walk downtown and eating pizza at some no name place.  During this time I had opportunity to notice that he was playing Elvis in his car (not something most people my age do without some seriously good rationale) and his hands did not look like the hands of someone my age.  They looked like the hands of someone 15 years older than me.  Now most people wouldn’t know this maybe, but having grown up with a father who was 28 years older than my mother…I know hands.  His hands were older hands.  Now, I’m currently dating someone who is 11 years older than me, which, to be honest, is the perfect age, in my mind.  (So why would someone want to lie about that?  Men ten years plus older than me are actually quite hot!  I don’t have to change their freaking diapers and wipe their noses or clean up their messes.  Works for me.) Anyway, the dude misrepresented his age then didn’t even come clean about it afterward.  I ate pizza, let him pay, of course.  And never communicated again with him.  Except once.  When I got back home, I looked up his profile.  I noticed he’d changed his location.  I sent him some smart ass comment about misrepresenting his location and his age and asking who he really was.  Obviously, I never heard from him again.

The deal was this about that:  he was attractive enough and very funny and intelligent.  Clearly he didn’t want to meet me, because he wasn’t into something real and he was lying about himself and he knew it.  Here’s what I learned from that:  I’m not really all that concerned about what a guy’s age is (okay, I’m not dating 25-year-olds, no matter what you say) or most of the other externals, but if he lies about any of it, it is such a dealbreaker.  Trust is one of the biggest issues any relationship must develop and maintain if it is going to last. Sadly, when someone lies about their age or anything else, then they’ve eroded the trust from the beginning. I decided at that point that the day I feel like I have to lie about my age or who I am, just to get the company of a date, that’s the day I hang it all up and say, “I’m done.”  Because I may as well be. 

Okay, and, yes, I did get into the guy’s car and drive around a city with a stranger.  Girls, do NOT ever do that.  It turned out okay for me…but…it’s such a stupid chance to take.  I could tell you even worse risks I’ve taken and things have worked out, but I wouldn’t do them again and I shouldn’t have done them to begin with. 

And, guys, especially those of you in the 50+ category, I really have no clue what you are looking for. If you are looking for some young thing to idolize you,  look up to you like a daddy,  and somehow make you forget that you are human and aging like we all do, well, I can’t help you there.  You’re probably doing the right thing going after some 20-something thing who has had no life experience and is pretty much a blank slate.  However, if you’re really into a quality relationship with a woman who wants you and loves you for who you are and will go to the wall for you because she admires, respects, loves and adores who you are as an individual on this earth (as opposed to how much you make, what lifestyle you can provide, and how long you can keep it up) then don’t be ashamed of stating your age and being yourself.  The women of substance out here don’t care about the superficial things…we care about the real, authentic individual behind the text, behind the profile, and hopefully, one day when we meet, we care about the person behind the eyes.  Don’t blow it in advance about lying about the things we don’t care about anyway.

Sanity, Syndromes, Phenomenons…Conclusions

I’ve gone on and on, ad nauseum, about what I call “The Going Silent” phenomenon.  Just as a refresher, I do not consider it going silent when you’ve emailed a couple of times, maybe met once, or had a phone call or two and then silence.  I call that phenomenon, The Never Getting The Thing Off The Ground Phenomenon.  The Going Silent Phenomenon is the thing that occurs after a relationship is airborn and some emotional intimacy, probably even some physical intimacy has developed and suddenly one or the other of the two people draw way, way back or they disappear altogether.  I still believe and will always believe that The Going Silent Phenomenon is simply cowardice.  Somebody got in too far and couldn’t get out courageously or without looking like a complete shit,  so they just disappeared. 

 There is a less severe form of this same phenomenon in existence though.  It’s called the You’re-The-Best-Thing-I’ve-Got-Going-Right-Now-But-If- Something-Better-Comes-Along-I’m-Outta-Here Syndrome .  Another equally disconcerting malaise is the “I’m Just Not Sure How I Feel About You” quandary.  In each unappealing dating situation one partner is more vested than the other and is unable to see clearly the writing on the wall of the relational dynamics.  I’ve been there.  I know deep down when I’m dealing with just such a situation.  I’ve never been inaccurate when I suspected one of these situations existed.  I just didn’t always like being honest with myself about it.  Now, I know that both these situations occur with men and women, but since I’m female I want to address this situation from the perspective of the female being more vested than the male or when the guy goes silent or keeps her at arm’s distance. Again, I recognize it happens both ways, but for the ease of me sorting things out for me, I am going to address it from my particular point of view.

Here are some conclusions that I’ve arrived at after recent  life events, dating experiences and being the victim (and, yes, sometimes the perpetrator)  of several of these Phenomenons and Syndromes.

Conclusion 1:  I do ultimately hope to be part of a rewarding, enriching, fulfilling and vital intimate relationship with someone of the opposite sex in spite of my quickly advancing years on this earth.  (Okay, the aging thing was said tongue in cheek).

Conclusion 2: If this does not happen for me, I will, feel like I’ve missed out on one of life’s greatest joys and adventures.

Conclusion 3:  If this does not happen for me, I will still have a great, fulfilling, rewarding and exciting life because I will still have many of the adventures I hope to have and meet many of the people I still haven’t met yet that I will ultimately come to know and love as dear friends, colleagues, children-in-law, and grandchildren. 

Conclusion 4:  I’m not going to waste time in situations when I know they are not moving  me closer to my relational goals.  In other words, I’m no longer willing to just pass time in an okay relationship when I know it isn’t going to be the relationship.  I didn’t really do this before, but I’m writing it here to remind myself to stay on that track and never veer from it.

Conclusion 5:  He’s just absolutely got to be crazy about me and I need to know it.  I’m not going to spend a lot of time or energy on the “I’m Not Sure” thing or the “Stay Out Here At Arm’s Distance” thing.

Conclusion 6: Going Silent or Cutting The Engines when the relational jet is airborne is a non-negotiable dealbreaker for me.

Conclusion 7:  I can’t even believe I have to say this,  but I’ve modified my stance on “They’re okay to date if the divorce is filed but not yet final”.  I’ve concluded, after more hard knocks and disappointments in this area than I care to admit, that I won’t date anyone who doesn’t have a signed judgement.  It’s just the emotional equivalent of treading water incessantly.  Too exhausting for me and I have nothing left over for the people in my life who really are available and who do desire my companionship and friendship and love.

So, what brought all that on?  Well, nothing really.  Things are pretty up for me now and life is busy, hectic, demanding like it usually is.  Things are really looking better and better for me here in post-divorce world.  I know I’m not going under and while life isn’t perfect, it continues to improve daily for me.  I’m happy and content.  Sometimes I feel down and blue and miserable and tired, but that doesn’t mean life still isn’t very, very good.  It’s just that I’ve been kind of rolling this stuff over and over in my mind for the last year and thought I’d put it out there more as a means of clarifying my own position to myself.  (Things tend to get muddy and murky in the heat of the battle otherwise.)

There are times, though, when some distantly related thought comes blistering into your conscious because of some benign comment or statement someone makes and instantaneously the unrelated connects you to something else and something else again and the entire thing (whatever that “thing” is) crystallizes for you.  That happened to me today.  Nothing big or earth shattering or anything.  It was just a funny little comment, meant mostly tongue-in-cheek probably, but it had that crystallizing effect on me.  The comment was made on my other blog in response to my post Time To Buck Up.  Sanityinthenorthwest was actually the inspiration for that post and his comment became the crystallizing force for this post. 

So, here’s what  Sanity sanely said:

I will stick by my comment that men will jump through many hoops just to get hugs and kisses at the end of the day. I am sticking by it because I see men jumping through hoops every day just to get some hottie to adore them. If the guys you are hanging around aren’t doing that for you, toss them to the curb.

That’s the third time in the last month a man has given me that advice.  Something in my gut resonates with his statements about men jumping through hoops.  In looking back at my own conclusions and convictions, I have to admit, on this one, I think Sanity is spot on. 

And that brings me to Conclusion 8:  I am going to follow Sanity’s advice.

A 1 Reisling Day

Random thoughts today with no time or energy to develop any of them.

I got the scoop from Mexico Friend on the moonlit first date.  Wow!  It’s a steamy one.  Watch for it in the next week.  I’m going to take time with that to make sure I get that just right. 

Mexico Friend and Husband showed me their pictures. Of course, they look like they are models for some travel magazine or something. And, yes, it was paradise.  It’s not fair that two people can be married that long and just as cute and as in love as when they had the moonlit first date.  I want that.  Is it too late for me.  I think it might be.  But I’ll write their story anyway and love every minute of it because it is such a happy story…and because they promised to have me over for Becks beer so they could tell me more stories. 

ReGifting Friend came to work really under the weather.  She is also very cute.  Makes me sick, even when she’s sick as a dog she looks great.  I hope she feels better.  She really is a trouper…and such a great friend…even though I’ve only known her a short time…she’s in my Friendship Hall of Fame for sure.

Good Company this weekend was great company, but I suspect he’s still searching.  It’s not anything he’s said, it is just that I get this vibe that well, maybe he’s only kinda sorta into me, but if something better came along then….sigh….

Taught a really crap lesson in math today and had a somewhat disrupted reading time today.  It exhausted me.  Not horrible in these areas today, but not my best performances ever either.

The plumbing in the kid’s bathroom is not only not repaired, it is now running like a small, steady steam.  Okay, here comes one more expense.  I sure hope not.

The kids left the dogs in the house today which always spells disaster and smells like it too.  I was not happy.  In addition, after millions of sessions explaining exactly what I expect from them each morning (pick up after yourself, specifically, do your own effing dishes) I came home to a sink full of dishes and dog disaster greeting my eyes and burning my nostrils.  I was not a happy camper when I arrived home.

On an up note, the entire bottle of Reisling that I downed tonight was absolutely delicious!

Yep, that’s how my day was…a one bottle Reisling day. 

Hey, all’s well that ends well right?

Seedling Stories in Good Company

Ack!  What I really want to do is take my time.  I want jot the words down quickly then go back through slowly to edit and rewrite choosing each word carefully.  I want to think about ways to creatively portray the events and capture the sights, sounds, scents, emotions of the experiences of the last week.  There have been many. 

Last night out with friends listening to a local live band was one.  Hearing updates from both Mexico Friend and Chrismas Friend were others.  Another story is poking its way into my gray matter like a small bean sprout working its way out of the earth.  I don’t know whether to refer to this friend as the Bag Lady or Roadkill Jill?  I’m stumped on that one. Maybe she gets to be both.

But what I really don’t want to do is delay this wonderful day anymore.  I haven’t time this morning to meander here.  I’ve got plans.  I’ve usually got plans but these plans are going to absorb most of the next two days and I won’t be able to multitask like I do with housecleaning, laundry and home maintenance.  I’m going wine tasting and will have a wonderful dinner which I do not have to prepare for myself. There will be a movie and breakfast and who knows what else? Most importantly I will be in great company.

You know, the kind of company where the other person actually shows up and talks.  The kind of company where the either of you can begin the conversation and it can go any direction and there’s never a dull moment.  The kind of company where the humorous, dorky and silly moves seamlessly to deep, thoughtful, reflective and back again without so much as a break in the conversatonal tempo.  The kind of company you’ve known for a short while but feel so at ease with that it is as though you’ve known them for years.  The kind of company that makes you wonder why you didn’t meet earlier.

Yeah, that kind of company.

The where and what about my weekend isn’t so significant as the how…and I’m looking forward to it all. 

So, I can’t even edit this piece (I’ll have to do that later) nor can I savor the process of plunking out the new Friendship Stories bursting forth in the soil of my muddy mind. The stories can wait.  Company’s coming, and you don’t meet this kind of company every day.  After all, that could, quite possibly, be the most interesting story of all, well, at least to me.

The Wild Mind and her seedling stories will be in Good Company today!

What’s Up With The Wild Mind Tonight?

The Wild Mind is taking a brief break tonight because her mother called and told her she must clean her room. 

Okay, that’s not really true.

Her mother couldn’t call, her mother’s dead.  (True story.)

But the Wild Mind’s room is a disaster since she hasn’t put away any of the laundry that the kids folded earlier this week, nor did she make the bed this morning. 

The Wild Mind has also “met someone” that she is going to spend a significant part of the weekend with and dealing with what to wear is going to be a royal pain in the a** if she doesn’t clean her room and hang things up.

So, the Wild Mind is going to go clean her room and think wonderful thoughts of wine tasting and romance (stop! she did NOT say sex!) with a very charming Beau.  Well, so far he’s charming.  Time will tell.

Personally, the Wild Mind, who is an avid fan of the Shrek movies, believes that everyone has a bit of ogre in them…just how much…and in what way…is where problems arise.  If his ogre is incompatible with her ogre…there’s just no deal.  Not to be redundant, but time will tell. Unless he reads this, takes it badly and calls the whole deal off…which could happen and then it won’t take much time at all to tell anything. But, he knows she’s kind of obsessive about this writing thing and he seems to be okay with it…and actually even seems to like it, so who knows?

So, enjoy, wonder, agonize,fret, rejoice, be curious, ponder, reflect, ask, comment, who cares…The Wild Mind is not writing tonight, she taking a break to…

….go

………clean…..

…………………..her…………………………

…………………………………..room!…………………………………..

and listen to John Mayer and think wonderful thoughts of the upcoming weekend because so far, she really likes this Beau and he hasn’t gone silent!  🙂

Big Gifts!

Prerequisite reading:  Go to my  earlier post titled, “Sleepovers and ReGifting: Fundamentals of a Good Marriage”, read it then come back here. 

This just in from ReGifting Friend and her husband who have been married a long, long time.  Apparently they were discussing when they’d exchange gifts over the holidays. 

He:  Hey!  Do you want me to give you my big gift now?

She:  (smiling sweetly) Oh, I’ve been waiting for your “big gift” for a long, long time now.

He:  (shakes head and walks away).

That’s two for Regifting Friend.           

Her husband?  Well,  he seems to have lots of gifts and, after all, they are still married and happily so, it seems. 

I’m thinking she enjoyed all her gifts this holiday season.

Long Term Relationship or One Night Stand? How Can She Know What He’s Thinking?

I will be the first to admit that I have no idea what the male experience is like in approaching members of the opposite sex cold, but it is nice to know (judging from the topics and comments on this blog) that men appear to be just as uncertain about the whole process as women are. 

Now, there are a lot of sites out there that give men tips and pointers for meeting women, initiating conversation with women you don’t know, picking up women, and quite frankly, the topics go from being really quality and insightful about how just to be a more confident, outgoing person to just being nice enough for just long enough to hook up for a few hours.

As a female, who is pretty good at meeting guys and who really never lacks for dates unless I choose to spend the time alone (which admittedly I do on occasion, though not lately), I must admit I can’t tell if a guy is sincerely looking to develop something for the longer haul or if he is just looking for a one night stand.  Well, clearly if we’re at a bar and he comes on really strong and he’s clearly been drinking and he asks to take me home, chances are pretty good he’s hoping to get some and I’m not giving. 

Otherwise, beyond the clearly obvious and outrageous, both approaches look the same to me.  Now, I don’t do one night stands so I honestly can’t tell you if both approaches end the same. If a guy is lucky and we’ve developed a friendship, of sorts, in advance, he might get a hug goodnight on the first date.  I know, I’m really old school.  So, as far as comparing the two approaches, if there are two separate approaches,  I can only imagine that one approach ends in silence or quasi-silence and the other does not.  But how can a woman know before she has to experience the “end” to know it was a bad deal for her from the beginning?

I wonder, is a man’s behavior when meeting a woman for the first time different when he’s hoping to find a long term relationship than it is when he’s just looking for a one night stand?  Is there any way a woman can know in advance that she’s just being played as the casual fling or not?

My guess is women should just say no.  If he calls again, and again, and again…he’s really into you.  If not, you have your answer.  Is there any other way to know?