Conversations With Men…and Some Women Too

Christmas Day, 6:00 a.m. 

I wake up, stumble through the house turning on the Christmas lights on my way to let the dog out for her morning romp in the back yard.  It is a frosty, cold, foggy 28 degrees in Southern Oregon.  I change the laundry, start another load of the eternal never ending chore and move back into the kitchen automatically, thoughtlessly, still somewhat groggily to begin the task of brewing coffee. 

My house is silent except for the soft sound of heat being forced out through the furnace and the low rumbling purr of my cats who float ethereally in and out of rooms.  Noiseless vapors appearing and disappearing of their own catlike determination. Once the coffee is brewed I pour a cup, add a bit of cream and a touch of the homemade peppermint schnapps a colleague gave me for Christmas.  I pad silently to the living room couch where I plant myself, laptop on lap, facing the tree centered in front of the large picture window which looks out onto my quiet street. My mind and my heart are filled with thoughts and feelings. You would think that these thoughts and feelings would center on the fact that I am alone this Christmas without my children to share in the traditional holiday festivities.  Such is not the case, because I know I am not alone in my being alone on this day.  All over this country there are many men home alone without their children or families with them.  This is the ugly sad side of divorce.

Men are often denounced and disparaged as being focused on sex over relationship.  Women on the other hand place relationship as a higher priority than sex.  These are broad generalizations and there are many exceptions to every rule, but just go with me here.  Men, in general, are often villanized for being so very sexually oriented. 

I’d like to suggest a different idea.  I’d like to suggest the idea that men are every bit as interested in relationship (that deep, emotionally gratifying connected relationship) that women are touted as desiring.  I just think they go about it differently.  I don’t think that the differences in approach necessarily presume a difference in desire or ultimate goal.

I’ve been divorced exactly two years and four days now.  In that time, I’ve had the freedom to meet, have coffee with, have drinks with and converse with many members of the opposite sex.  I’ve had more freedom to engage in these conversations than I would have had I not been single even though many of these conversations have been completely platonic. I’ve learned a lot in these conversations with men.  While most of them have been single, some of these conversations have occurred with men in relationships with other women, while the woman was there of course, and other conversations have occurred with men who are still married but separated (a definite indicator that the relationship will never be anything more than platonic where I am concerned) and still others have been casual encounters at Christmas parties or social gatherings with husbands of my colleagues and friends.  These particular conversations all have one thing in common.  They have at the core of them the question, “What is it that men really want?”

One thing becomes clearer to me, as I have these conversations.  We really do all want the same thing.  Some of us are fortunate, we’ve found it, we enjoy it, we are grateful for it.  Others continue to look and wait and hope that someday we too will experience it or will experience it again.  Still others of us have given up hope that this reality will occur for us and some of us might even now be in the process of giving up hope that we will ever experience anything like it. 

What is it?  What is this thing we all want?  I suspect it is the same for men as for women though the sexes have very different and often opposing ways to go about getting what they want. This thing is love.  This thing is trust.  This thing is relationship.  It is relationship that is deeply, emotionally intimate and fulfilling.  The relationship that continues to be such after time, and change, and aging have taken their toll. 

So as I sip my morning coffee and think about all the conversations I’ve had over the last two years and specifically some of the conversations I’ve had recently I want to extend a big hug to all my dear friends, male and female, married or single who’ve walked part or all of this journey with me these last two years.  Thank you for conversing with me.  Thank you for sharing your lives and your hearts with me. You’ve certainly enriched me.  I wish you all the love you seek and all the joy that comes with that love.  If you’ve found that in your life I wish for you a lifetime of experiencing it with that one special other. May you always be grateful for what you have in each other.  If you still await that experience then I hope, dear friend, that 2010 is your year! 

Merry Christmas!

The Wild Mind

“When the world says give up, hope whispers try it one more time” ~ Author unknown.

Silver Linings in the Clouds of Divorce

I’m having great fun these days.  I’m reading my friends’ updates on Facebook and they are so filled with stress about last minute shopping sprees, what to get for that difficult-to-buy for loved one, and dealing with crowds and traffic while I sit quite contentedly and totally un-stressed out this holiday season.  Why?  No, not because I don’t celebrate Christmas, I do. In fact, I’m all about the festivities and would be hosting parties, going to  parties and going crazy about the gifting thing.  Well, I would have in the past, I should say.  Not anymore though.  

So what gives?  Why am I so chill while the rest of the world goes crazy? 

Ahhh, all I can say to this is that every storm cloud has its silver lining.  Even the storm cloud of divorce and children sharing holidays in two separate homes. Sigh. Divorce and its reduced financial benefits means less money to spend thus fewer presents to buy.  If Christmas is all about the "presents" then that’s a problem, isn’t it? If  you don’t have your kids on Christmas and you are all about "The Big Day" then that poses a bit of a problem doesn’t it?  The storm cloud of divorce requires that you rethink your personal paradigms about many things.  The silver lining is there but it appears in small and unexpected ways sometimes.

Tomorrow will be Christmas Eve.  I haven’t even started my Christmas shopping yet.  I might do some tomorrow.  I might not.  It won’t matter, because my "Christmas" is not going to happen on December 25th.  It will happen sometime in January, around New Year’s.  This year, my children are, once again, spending Christmas at their dads. 

I won’t say that  this is a good thing about divorce.  In fact, my feelings are quite vehement and strong about relationship over dissolution, but life is not perfect.  Life is not always white fluffy clouds scudding effortlessly across clear blue skies.  Sometimes the thunder bumpers of relational demise develop and there’s no escaping them. You’re going to get soaked and it isn’t going to be fun. Drenched and distraught you end up finding that you are back at ground zero with nearly nothing but loads of debt showing for the last quarter century of your existence. It sucks. But after the storm passes…if you are careful and observant and hopeful enough…you can discover a silver lining on any cloud.  You might have to wait and work and watch for a while, but eventually, small though it might be…it will appear.

Christmas, in what I’ve come to call the "off years", is that silver lining for me.  The off years are those every other years that I don’t have my children on Christmas Day because they are with their other parent. Those are the Christmases that I don’t stress.  I don’t shop.  I don’t cook (that’s a big silver lining for all involved) and I don’t have anyone tugging at my bedside begging me to awaken so they can find out what is in the beautifully wrapped packages (yeah, I can’t cook but I can wrap…big deal) under the tree.

Divorce is never easy and the holidays don’t improve this situation any.  Even so, I’ve found there is even a silver lining on this thunderhead of dashed familial bonds.  It is called, The Day After Christmas.  Because of this schedule of mine this year, the stress of having to have everything wrapped and ready and under the tree by December 25th is totally gone.  I get to capitalize on sales the day after Christmas instead of hassling it before.  I actually have a good three days after Christmas till any of the kids show up.  I will have three days after the official day to do what I need to do before the kids come tumbling back in over my threshold. In that time, I will have spent my time doing whatever I wanted to do, something that is usually rare for a single parent.  I will have been able to plan and prepare for the second half of the winter break when they will be with me and I will be able to stretch my limited Christmas funds all the more. 

So, as I watch my friends update their Facebook status informing me of how they survived the mall (a good 45 minutes just to get out of the parking lot), or how they can’t find the one last minute gift they were looking for or how they have way too much to do in way too little time, I count my blessings.  I sit back, pour myself another vodka tonic and think, glad I’m not out there in that ugly traffic right now.  Because right now, I am in my own home, with my children before they head off to dad’s enjoying lazy days, watching movies, cleaning house, making cookies and eating the cookie dough before it is even baked.  Oh, the fun we are having in spite of the fact that the dates are not working in our favor this year. 

It’s a small silver lining….but it is a beautiful one.

Have you been able to discover any silver linings in your divorce clouds?

Roasting Chestnuts, Ringing Bells, Jumping Santa Merrily On High and Other Songs of the Season

Have you ever stopped to consider the lyrics of many of the songs we sing during this time of year?  I’m talking about the songs that are usually passed off as innocent children’s songs of Santa, elves, presents under the tree and reindeer on rooftops.  If you’ve read my posts on Handy Men and Their Tools, Hoses and Pumps, Fire Trucks, or Wood Deliveries then you might already suspect the direction I am heading with this.   Now that it is Christmas, and because I had a special request to get away from the depressing divorce stuff and do something much more fun and tawdry, let’s take a look at some of those holiday songs Wild Mind style.

To start things off, I suggest that the song, Up On The Housetop, by B.R. Hanby, is not as naively innocent as it appears.  Let’s take a look:

Up on the housetop reindeer pause (okay, this is starting to sound weird already.  I mean there is the couch, the kitchen, the hot tub and the bedroom, but the rooftop? With reindeer?)

Out jumps good old Santa Claus (Jumping

Santa? Sounds like a title from the movie section of the adult store)

Down thru the chimney with lots of toys

(What? Toys from the adult store? Not in my chimney!)

All for the little ones, Christmas joys (See! Size does NOT matter.)

Ho, ho, ho! (Wait!  Who you callin’ a ho?)

Who wouldn’t go? (Where?  To the adult store? I wouldn’t but that’s just me.  After all, I thought Santa made home delivery. Isn’t that what this whole reindeer and sleigh thing is about anyway? No, I said reindeer and sleigh, not reindeer and swing…but…wait…now that you mention it…)

Up on the housetop, click, click, click (very delicately stated but sleighs and reindeer don’t click, they creak, they snort, they groan, they…well, never mind, what do I know anyway? I’m not into sleighs and swings, housetops and deer, not much anyway.)

Down thru the chimney with good Saint Nick (oh, he’s good alright! But, again, what do I know, right?)

I could go on and on with this song alone.  It talks about filling stockings, begging Santa to “fill it well” and even later on talks about whips.  It isn’t as innocent a song as one might think. It isn’t the only song of this ilk either. Let’s take a look at some other holiday titles just for fun. 

We’ve all heard of the popular favorite, Jingle Balls Bells which accurately depicts the state of affairs (pun intended) after the Chestnuts Have Been Roasting on The Open Fire. Hmmm, nice and tender!

Then, of course, those who are single at Christmas might experience Silver Bells or have a Blue Christmas unless they can figure out a way to Ding Dong Merrily on High (which by the way is a pretty song, but the name?  Are you kidding me?) or Rock Around The Christmas Tree with a Boogie Woogie Santa Claus of their own. In that case, someone’s Bells Will Be Ringing.  Of course, for those who are desperate for some winter companionship there is always Dominick the Donkey (does it help that he’s Italian?), The Little Drummer Boy, Good King Wenceslas, Frosty the Snowman (though I hear he’s a bit frigid), and Jolly Old St. Nick (just be sure to stock up on  the Viagra, just in case). No one should be lonely with companions like these readily available and willing to spread a little Christmas cheer.  I would advise you to stay away from Little St. Nick, after, all how much fun is that? Of course, if you are into large group events, then the Parade of The Wooden Soldiers might be more to your liking. 

Now, for all my guy friends out there who are seeking female companionship because Baby It’s Cold Outside, I encourage you to consider Jeannette Isabella.  I hear she brings a torch with her when she comes. That might make for some Glad Christmas Bells! I also understand that The Sugarplum Fairies put on a good show.  I think for the right price, they might even dance.  And, men, if you are decent to your date and don’t expect her to go Over the River and Through the Woods, then you might end up being one of the lucky ones Driving Home for Christmas.

So, for all out there, however you choose to celebrate, I do hope you hear the Bells of Christmas All Through The Night.  After all, everyone needs their own Hard Rock Candy Christmas.  And, in all your festivities, whether on couch, in front of the fire, or on the rooftop with Santa in his sleigh, have a Wonderful Christmas Time and Don’t Forget To Feed The Reindeer!

P.S.  If you do try the rooftop, sleigh and reindeer thing, let me know how it goes.  I have serious questions about how that’s going to look when you have to explain to the insurance guy how the holes got in the roof and I’m dying to know how you managed to balance the sleigh.  I’ve had trouble with those parts myself.

 

Early Morning Coffee

This is a special time of year in spite of all its hectic pace, congested traffic, brawls over parking spaces, and time spent waiting in line to have gift wrapping done so you can support your child’s extracurricular organization. In spite of the added awkwardness and possibly uncomfortable and painful moments that arise when children spend their lives in two homes instead of one, this time of year is still something to be relished, cherished, savored, experienced. 

At this time of year, just like every other season throughout the year, I begin my day with my early morning coffee.  In fact, especially at this time of year it is a creature comfort of mine to wake early without the aid of alarm clock, while the house is still dark, pad barefooted out to the living room and turn on the Christmas lights.  All of them.  The lights on the tree, the lights under the tree, the lights on on the speaker, the lights above the piano, the lights on the bookcase and on the sofa table (which is not behind the sofa).

After turning on the lights, I stumble through the kitchen to the garage to let the dog out to the back yard; to her side of the back yard so she can do her morning business.  It is then that I get down to the important business of brewing my morning coffee.  While waiting for the coffee to brew (a task that seemingly takes forever), I start the fire.

There is nothing more wonderful, more peaceful and more serene than sitting on my couch looking at the serene glow of a festively decorated Christmas tree, coffee mug in hand, while the fire crackles and snaps warmly, reassuringly, comfortingly in the fireplace.  Surely, come what may, everything will be okay.

In these early morning weekend hours, I build kingdoms, establish a million possible futures, rewrite my past mistakes while retaining all the lessons learned and never, ever do I write the kids out of the picture.  In these early morning hours, I consider how things were just two short years ago when I had to go begging food at the local church food pantries in order to keep food in my progeny’s bellies while paying off, what seemed an overwhelming and insurmountable mountain of debt; most of which wasn’t even mine. In these early morning hours, I reflect on how slowly but surely things have improved.  I appreciate the strength I’ve mustered from somewhere deep within to prune back all to the bare bones, to re-evaluate my life and adapt, adjust, reinvent when needed but mostly to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, one burned meal on the table after another and to simply show up and be counted in the world one more time for one more day, often, when I wished I didn’t have to.

I know I am not alone.  Not in my enjoyment of early morning coffee; not in my surviving divorce and the crushing financial realities that often follow. 

And, so, you see…the moments of this season that are lit with the shining light of gratitude, appreciation and mostly hope are to be treasured above all and enjoyed in quietness and solitude with an early morning cup of the dark, liquid brew we all know as coffee. 

Plenty of time for the traffic jams, the long lines, the noise and the piped in holiday music that triggers my gag reflexes better than sticking my finger down my throat.  For now, it is me time.  It is the height of the holiday season here in my quiet little living room, fire warming the house, tree aglow and coffee warmth in my hands and on my tongue.  I’m thinking how bad it was and how far I’ve come. 

I’ve survived.  Till the next big thing anyway, but I’ve survived thus far.  If I can, you can too.  Just keep getting up every morning.  Just keep going to work.  Just keep doing the daily stuff.  Pretty soon it stacks up and things do get better.  They always change.  Misery and pain are never permanent.

Even though I can’t afford even the best deal on a new HDTV or the latest in iPhone technology, even if I can’t afford the latest killer deal on the surround sound theatre system or the family package trip to Mexico for the holidays, even if I’m going to have to continue watching every expenditure like the proverbial hawk for a few more years…I am grateful. 

And in spite of my inability to enter into the spending fray of the season with abandon, I’m still celebrating.  I’m still joyous and maybe even more so because I can’t “spend” on material things.  This situation I’ve found myself in has, as my mother would have once informed me, been a “blessing in disguise”.  I’ve learned to be so much more appreciative of what I have.  I value the little things so much more. 

The little things.  Like a red ornament hanging on a fake tree that was purchased without using a credit card or overdrawing the bank account. The little things like two siblings who usually tear each other down in sibling squabbles playing a board game together with me for hours without one demeaning comment. 

The little things, like a warm cup of coffee on a cold wintery morning with a warm fire blazing.  Coffee, mug and firewood all paid for. Little things.

The joy in my life and the contentment in my heart and my hopeful outlook about the future…not such little things. 

******

Coffee Drinker’s Prayer?

Caffeine is my comfort; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake on early mornings:
It leadeth me beyond to get up and go to work.
It restoreth my energy:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of the weary, overworked and under rested,
I will fear no Equal™ or other sugar substitute:
For thou art with me; thy creamer and thy stir stick, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a 20 oz. venti with an extra shot before me in the presence of  Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with clarity, at least more than I would have had without you; my mug runneth over.
Surely aroma, flavor and warmth shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the Mocha Mansion forever.

What Color Ornaments Do You Have Hanging On Your Tree?

Now, before you go getting your diaper in a knot because you suspect I’ve breached an impropriety by asking a question that is far too personal, just hold on.  It is, after all, Christmas and the season for festive decor.  By festive decor I do mean festive and, well, just look about.  It is everywhere.  The decor at this time of the year is bright, colorful and nearly overwhelming.  I have to admit, some of the decor is even nauseating.

In my younger years, I was totally into the decorator trees. You know, pick a color theme and go with it.  My ex, however, simply could not see his tree decorated in such a manner.  He was into the multi-colored decor.  You know what I’m talking about.  All the different colored lights, tinsel and balls ornaments strung willy nilly on the tree.  The tree ends up looking like someone puked candy on it.

I always had a hard time putting more than three colors on my tree.  Actually, two colors was pushing the limit.  I’m a bit of a monochromatic scheme girl myself since the tree itself lends so much strength, vigor and color to the entire situation in its natural state.  Why hide a good thing with grotesque coloration?  Would you tattoo your tree? No?  Too many varied colors on the tree makes me wonder if the tree is sick or dying or something dire. It certainly makes me feel a bit queasy looking at something like that. A tree with too much ornamentation or the wrong color ornamentation is just wrong.  The tree ends up seeming dwarfed by the decor; diminished behind the ornaments.

Another problem with tree decorating can be found with the choice of the ornaments.  Color is so critical, don’t you think?  I mean, gold balls ornaments are nice.  They indicate a sense of peace and rest.  They represent prosperity and wealth.  They embrace a position of satisfaction and contentment.

Silver ornaments on the other hand are hard, cold, unfeeling and unyielding.  Brrrrrr! Want that hanging on your tree?  What on earth do silver things do but reflect a coldness to the brightly wrapped boxes under the tree.  Might as well have a white and frozen tree.  Not much fun there.  Cold, icy, painfully un-giving. 

Green ornaments?  Eww! Moldy. Decaying unused, sick.  Good if they turn a different color with some tender polishing and loving care, but if they are permanently green?  Something seriously must have died on that tree. Or maybe the ornaments are just discolored permanently due to negligence or lack of use. 

Purple or pink ornaments?  Give me a break! Or….give them a break!    

Red ornaments?  Hmmm, now we’re talking a color that ignites The Wild Mind’s imagination.  It seems there’s a nice balance between the luxuriously contented peacefulness of the gold ornaments and the passionate, energetic, passion of the red ornaments. 

Blue ornaments?  Seriously?  Do I need to say anything more?

What color ornaments are hanging on your tree, this holiday season? 

Mr. Knows & Christmas Party Friend…The Story Continues

Christmas Party Friend and Mr. Knows have continued seeing each other since before Christmas.  If you are new here or just stumbled in and want to get up to speed on these two characters, you’ll need to check out my posts titled, “How To Ask A Woman Out” and “How To Start Things Off Right With A Woman” probably in that order. 

Anyway, apparently, Mr. Knows has been quite consistent but not overly persistent in pursuing Christmas Party Friend.  Their first official date was a Christmas party thrown by friends and colleagues of his.  However, not to be alarmed or percieved as too much too soon, it was a place where many of those same colleagues and friends were people she knew or could relate to.  She tells me it was a fabulous.  They met at a little pub ahead of time, had a drink then headed back to her place to drop off her car then drove out to the party together. It was a snowy, blustery, winter’s eve.

The party was held at this gorgeous home of friends of his.  It looked like something you might see featured in Sunset magazine.  I remember wondering as my friend was telling me this, “Where on earth do you find these people?”  As Christmas Party friend tells it, they walked in and it wasn’t long before Christmas Party Friend was doing her thing, meeting people, working the room, having fun.  Her date, already feeling rather comfortable, after all this was his crowd, took care to introduce her to each and every person in the room. 

“It was really pretty classy the way he orchestrated the introductions,” CPF told me. “We’d walk up to a group in conversation, they’d notice us and pause in their conversation.  He’d introduce me and pretty soon we’d all be talking away.  On occasion he left and talked with other people.  He wasn’t at my side the entire time, in fact, he was right beside me very little of the time, but he checked in regularly, watched to see if my plate was empty or my glass and was Mr. Johnny-on-the-Spot to do whatever he could to make sure I had a great time. At the same time, he wasn’t stumbling over himself and overdoing it either.  It was the perfect balance between close and distant, but he was always present.” 

I thought this was significant.  In my own experiences with dating and through listening to my other single friends both locally and online, one really challenging aspect that both women and men are faced with is how much is too much and how soon is too soon.  Now, personally, I’m not sure I would have been ready on the first date to meet all of my date’s very close friends.  I absolutely know that on the very first date I would not be introducing him to my friends.   But maybe since Mr. Knows and Christmas Party Friend had already met and interacted in similar settings together it was different.  I don’t know.  I think each couple has to sort this out for themselves. 

It is tough to know how close to be to someone at a party or social gathering. It is also tough to know how close is too close or how much freedom a person needs or wants in relationship.  There’s such a fine line between being present and being clingy or allowing some freedom and  giving off that sense that you could care less that your date is there.  This is both the joy and demise of getting to know another person.  My attitude about this has evolved to the point that, I simply don’t concern myself with it anymore.  If our interactions work for me and for the other person then that’s a pretty clear sign that the connection might have potential.  It doesn’t guarantee anything, but it is a start.  This really seems like it is in the “Duh” category, but my guess is more people angst over these little things than are willing to admit.  They angst mostly over it during the initial stages of the relationship, it seems.  Maybe, the fact that they even experience angst is an indicator that the relationship is probably not a good fit.   It seems to me, that with Christmas Party Friend and Mr. Knows,  it worked and they both had a great time and neither of them are experiencing any angst about it at all. 

They must have had a great time because, as CPF tells me, they stayed till well after everyone was gone and hung out with the host, hostess and one other very, very close friend and sipped Vodka tonics and smoked expensive cigars (well, the guys did) outside on the back deck overlooking the ritzy golf course till nearly two in the morning. 

Then, Christmas Party Friend informed me of The Bad Thing That Happened.  Turns out that when Mr. Knows dropped CPF off, he didn’t even walk her up to the doorstep.  “This,” CPF told me, “was completely out of character from what I’ve already experienced of him. I wonder if that was significant?”

“Uh-oh”, I thought. 

CPF is pretty certain that means that Mr. Knows decided he  isn’t going any further with this.  She’s not wasting a lot of time worrying about it, but that little bit of behavior did raise a question in her mind simply because it was so out of character for him. She simply figures that he somehow determined that it’s not a go for him for whatever reason.  From her perspective, she’s not necessarily taking it as rejection.  Everyone has the right to make decisions that are best for them and he might be doing that here.  She doesn’t know and probably won’t until it is clear he isn’t calling anymore. 

I think this brings up a great question for dialogue though.  My  friend didn’t necessarily expect a goodnight kiss from him, but was being walked to the door too much to expect or is that just too old school? 

I don’t know.  What do you think?

Hopes Of A Celebratory Fledgling Annum

It’s been more than one diurnal course (not to be confused with di-urinal course) after Christmas and I’ve not posted the answers to the “Can You Name This Christmas Carol” Quiz I posted a week or so ago.  The answers appear below in purple. 

Can You Name This Christmas Carol?

1.  Nocturnal noislessness  Silent Night

2.  Quadruped with the crimson proboscis Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer

3.  Monarchial triad We Three Kings

4. Yonder in a feeder  Away In A Manger

5. Righteous darkness  O Holy Night (but I kinda liked Righteous Darkness)

6. Youthful male percussionist  Little Drummer Boy

7. Father Christmas en route to muicipality Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

8. The Primary Christmas  The First Noel

9. Query regarding the identity of descendent  What Child Is This?

10. Diminutive Judean village  O Little Town Of Bethlehem

11. Ancient benevolent despot  Good King Wenceslas

12. Adorn the corridors Deck The Halls

13. Exuberance for the planet  Joy To The World

14. Give attention to the melodious celestial beings  Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

15. Tin tintinnabulums  Jingle Bells

16. A dozen 24-hour Yule periods  The Twelve Days of Christmas

17. Befell during the transparent bewitching hour It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

18. Homo sapien of crystallized vapor  Frosty the Snowman

19. Singular yearning for twin anterior incisors  All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth

20. To espy matriarchal osculation of fat man in red  I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Clause

21. Perambulating through a December solstice fantasy  Walking In A Winter Wonderland

22. Aloft on the acme of the abode  Up On The Rooftop

23. Frozen preciptiation commence  Let It Snow

24. Hence arriveth Kris Kringle  Here Comes Santa Claus

25. Jehovah dulcify blithe chevaliers  God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

26. Endocarp desiccated in a conflagration  Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire

Did you get them all?  Now you can take this one to your Christmas parties next year.  See how many of them people can figure out after a few hot buttered rums! 

I extend to you hopes of a celebratory fledgling annum!

Sunday Evening Something Or Other

Wait a minute?  Didn’t I start my winter “break” on Friday????  I haven’t noticed any slowing of the pace indicating a more relaxed state of affairs as usually occurs on a break. 

Not me! I’ve had stuff going for three days straight.  It is Sunday evening, I’m a bit tired, have a headache and am going to go intentionally slow the pace. 

It’s quiet and warm inside, wet and blustery outside.  The perfect weather for curling up on the couch with the laptop and banging out a few ideas that have been swimming around in The Wild Mind for a few days now.  After staring at the blank screen, making several false starts and backspacing them all back to the original white screen, I’ve decided I need to just veg.  I’m tired.  I’m not feeling well (ugh!) hope I don’t come down with anything over the break, and I just need to not pressure myself right now.

It’s wonderful to know I don’t  have to get up early and start the weekly rat race again tomorrow.  That’s why I’m going to go to watch a mindless movie on the tube and probably fall asleep in front of the fire….at only 8 something in the evening on a Sunday.  After a fab weekend of parties and outings it just doesn’t get any better than that. 

I do have so many things swirling around in this Wild Mind.  The ideas are sure to force themselves out into text soon.  Stay tuned.

Fighting Fires

There is nothing like a toasty warm fire in the woodstove when it is cold outside.  I’m going to go curl up in front of it right now.

Okay, well there are some things that are as nice or maybe better than a warm fire in a woodstove in a cozy living room on a very cold night…but that’s not my reality right now…so the fire is just great as it is in the woodstove.

And that’s all I’m going to say about that!

How To Ask A Woman Out

A friend of mine told me of an experience she recently had at a Christmas party. 

She’d been invited by a colleague from work.  The party was held at her friends house in a rather upscale neighborhood of a nearby town.  My friend knew that some people from work would probably be there. Since this party was an invitation only kind of deal and she didn’t know who’d been invited she didn’t ask around at work to see who else was going to attend.  She also knew there would be other people from the city and neighborhood there.  She was apprehensive about going to a party by herself, at Christmas.  You guessed it.  She’s in her 40’s and single and feeling a bit lost about it all. She was dreading going.  In fact, she told me, she wanted so badly to stay home, curl up in her pj’s by the fire and veg out in front of the TV with her dogs.  As she was contemplating whether she should attend or not, the thought occurred to her that she’d have plenty of time to sit alone by the fire and veg out in front of the TV in later years, but she might not always be invited to Christmas parties like this one.  It was after all a fairly prestigious annual thing and a fundraiser to boot.  None of that impressed her so much but the idea of having plenty of time to sit around later was the tipping point for her.  She decided to go.

She drove in the rain and snow without directions, to an address she didn’t know and a house she only vaguely remembered from the year before.  As she parked her vehicle she thought, “What if I’ve got the wrong place?  What will I say?”  Well, fortunately, my friend is incredibly good with directions and she got the right place.  Her colleague’s husband answered the door, recognized her instantly and welcomed her in. 

Then the most interesting thing happened.  She met someone.  Well, it was someone that was a colleague of her friend’s husband.  The two began chatting, it seemed things were clicking between the two of them and just as their conversation was really getting going another person came along and took over the conversation.  You know.  You’ve been there, so have I.  Someone joins the conversational circle and completely takes over.  Well, the first guy’s drink went dry, my friend’s drink was still full.  He left to go refill his drink and she was left talking to the one who took the conversation hostage.   The man she was originally talking to ended up meeting up with some of his other work colleagues and she ultimately left the conversation with the hostage-taker and found conversations with colleagues and friends she knew.   She was enjoying herself, wished she could figure out a way to resume the conversation with the man she was originally talking to because he seemed interesting.  After “working the room” a bit, stopping off to grab tidbits to eat, she realized it was going to be rather intimidating breaking into a crowd of complete strangers mid-converstation.  And he was surrounded by men she didn’t know and had never met.  His crowd from work apparently.

She decided eventually to call it an evening.  It was early really, only about 9:30, but with a 30 minute drive and snow on the roads it was probably late enough she figured. She said her good-byes to the people she was talking to, to the host and hostess and headed for the door.  She collected her purse and as she was getting her keys he appeared and said, “Where are you parked? If you don’t mind, I’d be glad to walk you to your car.  It is awfully slippery out.”  Surprised and pleased, she smiled and indicated her appreciation of his thoughtful gesture.  As they walked to her car the gentleman expressed his regret that they didn’t get a chance to finish their conversation.  He asked her for the opportunity to continue the conversation at a later time to which she agreed.  He asked if it would be okay to request her number from the hostess of the party (I mean who does this anymore?) and well, because the hostess didn’t have her current phone number she gave him her cell number.  He said he’d call her.  As she drove off, he turned as he walked up the steps to the house and waved at her.  It was all very sweet.

She told me how he sort of fumbled through it just ever so slightly, but he still put himself out there. He’d noticed she was leaving and made a point to be at the door when she left.  He offered to walk her down a very, very steep icy hill to her car in the dark and in the snow. He was courteous, kind and clear about his intent. He wanted to get together again. He asked for her number.  He didn’t just give her his number and expect her to do the work.  It was, according to my friend, refreshingly nice.  

All I can say to all of that is, “And that, my dear friends, is how you ask a woman out”.