When an illness knocks you on your ass, you should stay down and relax for a while before trying to get back up. ~Candea Core-Starke
Ever get the feeling you’ve just been benched in life? It could be through a job layoff, a breakup, and illness, a divorce, or financial difficulties? Where things seemed to be rolling along smoothly and there seemed to be some really forward motion in your life toward a better tomorrow or a brighter future or a more solid financial picture, now you are suddenly in this surreal place of motionless float. It is as if the video tape of your life was running at normal speed and then someone slowed it to a fraction of the normal speed and now your motions are like moving through quicksand.
I feel like someone pushed the pause button on the video of my life.
I was cruising along at a pretty nice little clip and then suddenly “sccccrreeeeeeech!!!!” and silence. No motion, no sound, nothing.
Life slowing way down.
That’s what pain does I think.
Yeah. Pain. Sadness, Grief. Loss. Regret. Stress. The Common Cold.
All these things, especially when experienced without let up over time, can have this numbing effect. (And I’m a week and a half into this “cold”/flu thing I’ve got going on.)
As a single parent completely responsible for four children (well, three now, since one is mostly out of the house at college) getting sick is nearly a death knell. In fact, most of us single parents really don’t get that luxury unless we have an excellent support system or family close by.
I have a great support system, but they are mostly single parents as well and certainly not folks I can call on if I get sick and need help with my children or my home responsibilities.
So, I muddle through on my own, hoping I don’t catch anything. Hoping I don’t get sick. After all, if I did, how would I even possibly get well? I still have to get my kids into school. I still have to cook for them. I still have to…
I’ve been fortunate. I haven’t been really sick, like flat on my back I can’t move sick (and thank God, no serious diseases or illnesses) since the divorce three years ago.
That is, until last week.
It is like the stress, the fatigue of holding it all together, of making all the pieces fit and everything work, hit me. My body simply gave up and got sick.
I was out all of last week and after two days back at work it is draining every last vestige of energy from me. I can feel the energy dissipating rapidly by noon. I’m pretty useless after leaving work, and I’m out cold by 8:00 in the evenings these days.
I feel like this year has kind of knocked me on my ass in more ways that one, in fact, maybe it’s the culmination of the last three years. There are other things too. Mostly the unfairness of the legal system to ethical and responsible people who end up picking up the pieces and cleaning up the messes after hedonistic, irresponsible and unethical people.
I wish I could just stay down and relax but I can’t. I still have taxiing to do, bills to pay, income to try to increase in order to reduce debt, meals to prepare and serve, a home to maintain, and children to tend to. Staying down when you are sick is sometimes a luxury the single parent cannot afford. I simply don’t have the luxury right now.
I’m not complaining. I’m just stating the hard, cold, stark truth. I’m sick and I can’t really rest enough to kick it. I have far too many plates spinning in the air and if I stop to take a nap several of them will come crashing down.
At times like these, I wonder…
What do other single parents do? How do they cope?
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The Wild Mind 
Well, you probably had an inkling I might pop by on this post.
What do other single parents do? Run ourselves in circles. Run ourselves into the ground. Hope we don’t get ill, or injured, or sick. And when we do, as you said, we muddle through. We keep going, because we have no other choice but to keep going.
But sharing with others, in this way, is a relief. We feel less alone, even if we are alone. That gives us the will – and strength – to keep going and have it be just a little bit easier. Because ultimately it comes down to individuals reaching out and extending a hand. Even a virtual hand.
No. Not possible to stay down. Those who say “sit, rest, take a moment” do not walk in the same shoes, have the same battles. Their accumulated weight. Their time constraints. The physical repercussions if you stand up and fight; the financial (and self-esteem) impacts if you do not.
But today, for me, I slowed down, just a little. I typed 70wpm instead of 90wpm. My son was late for school, an hour, and I didn’t fuss. I’ve spent 10 hours on my computer (not the usual 12 or 14 or 16). I’m soon going to kiss him on his forehead, tell him I love him, and go get in my bed and put on silly television. And hope I sleep. And try to will what strength I have into the limbs of a woman I’ve never met, because she’s the kind of person who puts good stuff back into the universe in very real and specific ways. And I believe in the power of the heart and the mind. My body is exhausted, and I”m going to pay attention to that and get horizontal. But my mind – which rarely shuts off – and my heart, which continues to dream – are with a family and a mom who is needed. My will is strong; it’s gotten me through terrible times. My heart is stronger. It will do the rest.
The body? It tires. More and more easily. That’s what battle and stress and constant worry – never shared – will do. Eat away at you.
Community helps.
Benching yourself for awhile helps.
Loving helps most of all.
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That was so encouraging and affirming! Thank you! And back your way too, BLW!
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Hope you’re still hanging in out there on the Left Coast! (At least there’s no making of school lunches at the crack of dawn on Saturdays… just the scheduling scramble of weekends. Ha! Makes me think some scrambled eggs are in order. Now where in the hell did my Personal Chef go this morning? SO hard to get good help these days!
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I’m hanging in there. Barely. It is Saturday at 2 in the afternoon and I just got up. I’m probably heading back to bed. Thank goodness for those no kid weekends. I have often hated them, but this time, I’m glad. Thanks for checking in. I’m going to go take my temp in a bit. I don’t feel good. I have a 13 hour day coming up on Monday too with conferences. Will I make it?
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I can fully understand. This year alone has done a number on me. My father asked me how I was able to cope through it all. (And, I’m not talking a little things, big things) and I said, “I don’t I just portray that I do on tv.”
I’ve had to pause, sleep, and rest. I restarted my blog again, after the fiasco last year. And, I write to heal.
I serve my kids out of love, and that helps me heal. But, I will not be whole for awhile, and any sickness litterly knocks me down, and drags me through the mud… a couple of times.
In reality though, we ignore our own pain. Our own headaches and illness because we need to make sure our kids are taken care of.
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Yes, Travis…I guess we do what we have to do to survive, for our kids.
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You still want to smile, and smell the roses, someday you will take a wiff and notice that they are do smell good. I didn’t mean to make it sound so down. I just know how tough it can be.
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