Not sure quite why I chose that particular title for this post….
I haven’t done a Google Ad Words search on it to see if it is SEO or anything.
In fact, over the last several weeks, what with the exit of the Oz and all, I’ve kind of done some thinking. Amazing what you can get accomplished when you aren’t spending your time texting or talking to or IMing someone on the other side of the world.
Here’s what I’ve accomplished with all the extra freed up time:
I’ve done some thinking, as I mentioned. More about this later.
I have cleaned my house (not that it was dirty to begin with, but I actually can see the bottom of the laundry pile now…in fact…there is no laundry pile).
I’ve cleaned out my refrigerators. Oh, and they really needed it!
I’ve gotten myself sick. Yeah, that’s what happens when you try to be the single mom of four kids and hold down not one, not two but three jobs to make ends meet.
I’ve read two whole books in the last week. Amazing what you can do when you are sick…and can’t really read but you can’t sleep either so…what else do you do other than just stare at the ceiling and let your thoughts make you crazy.
I’ve actually folded and hung all my clothes from the laundry (j/k…I do that anyway).
I’ve gotten caught up on some work projects, na, scratch that. I haven’t.
I’ve done some thinking. (Here it comes…really…it’s nothing really monumental or anything!)
I’ve made some decisions.
I decided, I’m not going to write unless I want to…meaning…writing under pressure (unless it is fun pressure) is so not for me. Well, at least not until I get a book deal (hahahahahahaha!) and then I will write, I will sign autographs and books, I will talk under pressure no problem…but until then…it’s going to be all about what catches my writing fancy. So there! 😉
This also means, I’ve decided that I’m going to focus less here on how many search terms might be in my blog posts and just write what I love and do the best at that, that I can do. Hopefully the masses, or a few of them, will like it enough to tell someone else to come visit. I know this is probably the death knell to the blogger who wants a book deal and a movie deal out of it, but face it…I’m just not Julia and Julia right now. Even so, I hope some of you will decide to comment, because that’s where I get my best ideas for further writing.
I’ve also decided that while I am really super sad that things with the Oz and I didn’t work out and I am super sad for my part in the demise of the whole thing, I am not going to let this make me even more bitter and untrusting…and for me…that wouldn’t be a hard thing to accomplish because I could go there. But I won’t. Instead of shutting myself down (which I might do at times to just sort stuff out but not forever) I’m going to work on really taking this opportunity to refocus.
Some quotes that have helped me lately:
To the Oz….
Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St. Vincent Millay
To The Wild Mind…
[A] final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works. ~T.E. Kalem
To Everyone Out There…
Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated. ~Lamartine
And again To Everyone Out There…
In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966
To The Wild Mind and To Everyone Else Out There With A Broken Heart….
Love is like a puzzle. When you’re in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together. ~Author Unknown
And this…
Don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens – The Main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away. ~John Steinbeck, 10 November 1958
And for all who would, like The Wild Mind, attempt love, fail and dare to try again…these words…
“Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly.” — Robert H. Schuller
I’m not a Robert Schuller fan per se, but if the shoe fits….
Anyway, I’m tickled pink that I’m not sick, tickled pink to be returning to work tomorrow although it will not be easy after being out sick for a week, and I’m tickled pink that, well, it just isn’t worse than it is. Seriously. As a friend recently told me, “Chin up, girl. You own your own home, your bills are paid, you have food on the table, transportation to work and a job to go to…in fact…more than one of them! And…you’re an intelligent woman…you can actually learn to cook! How bad can life be?”
Okay, yeah,
that from a guy who is happily married and gets it whenever he wants but, okay, we’ll go with the intent there.
Anyway…can’t really put a finger on it, but I’m just feeling a little tickled pink and I kinda don’t really have any reason to be except that I’m alive and healthy and, well, I guess I’m grateful for all that and considering that Thanksgiving is just around the corner I guess that’s a good thing.
So, given that every ending is the opportunity for a new beginning….that when a relationship ends it can be a great opportunity for reinventing oneself, I have these questions for peeps out there…
What have you done that helped you overcome a breakup?
Breakups aside, have you ever gotten to the place where you felt you wanted to reinvent yourself? Did you? How is it going?
The Wild Mind 
I have so many thoughts after reading this post, my friend. I can feel your hurt, and I wish I could do something to soothe it. But there’s little anyone can do. And relationships are so complex, and each one is different from the next. But you know that your heart works, and not everyone can say that. So my suggestion (and what I tend to do after a breakup) – just bench yourself for a bit. You know it’s going to ache, and you now the ache will fade, the lessons from the experience will grow clearer, and when you’re ready, you’ll get back in the game.
Focusing on other things – including identifying what you want, what you care about, your goals, your pleasures – all of that is so helpful. Cleaning is helpful. You’re making more space for yourself. Helping to clear your mind. It makes healing easier.
And I’m a great believer in surprises – good things that happen for good people, when you least expect it. I’m certain there are more in store for you.
As for reinvention, I think some of us are always at it. We may explicitly set out to reinvent ourselves after specific events, or we do so more gradually, but no less aware. I think it is a gift you give yourself – each act of questioning, examining, and also – valuing. Be sure that in your reinvention you recognize all the absolutely glittering parts of yourself that you needn’t tinker with. That’s what Oz saw and was drawn to. You need to see your wondrous parts clearly if you can. Step out from behind your own curtain, and look at all the good, strong, loving, responsible, creative, giving people inside of you, who are all you.
Do that, as part of your reinvention. It is – to my own surprise – something I’ve learned to do. It’s taken me many, many years and being kicked around quite a bit – not least of all by myself. But I can see more of the good in myself than when I was younger. And I don’t toss that away. Don’t you do it either.
Hugs.
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Good words, BLW. Thanks for the major digital hug! 😀 And I will take your advice.
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Hmmm, very interesting … I really enjoy your blog
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I am the master of reinvention – personally, socially, professionally, and physically. Evaluating every facet of my life, I took those results and structured/planned change. Unfortunately, I didn’t see the upcoming economic storm, or the complexity of developing new relationships. I guess my point is that you can plan, process, prepare, predict, all you want but you can not control exterior forces that DO come into play.
Despite not completing the journey yet, I have realized that happiness is in the journey itself and I am far better off, much happier, and more in touch with who I am, than anytime before in my life.
I am no longer dreaming about reinvention but actively DOING it. Now I am close again to that finish line (a call-back interview for my dream job) and wonder if I will actually cross it this time.
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Well, let’s hope you do pass that finish line where the dream job is concerned. Keep me posted!
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Great article and I loved the quotes. This is one that would be great to refer back to every now and then just for a refresher in what is ahead for us. It’s not all bleak as it may seem in the moments of deperation, and as much as we may not see it at the time, change can be good and bring better things into our lives. Embrace change, and it will embrace you!
Keep up the great work and personal Insights!
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