Funny things happen in grocery stores. One time I was checking out and bagging my groceries. Right behind me was a guy that had contacted me on that Online Dating Site that I am on-again-off-again about. He contacted me, didn’t interest me, I responded politely, but not encouragingly. Plus, he kept asking me, “Having any luck on here?” Seriously? That’s not his business. So, it was weird to meet him in the grocery store. He recognized me, mentioned our brief correspondence and well, I got out of the store fast that trip.
This last week, I had another interesting encounter in the grocery store. I ran into a friend I knew while I was married to Ex #2. In fact, we were kind of in a disastrous marriage support group thing together. She happens to work in this store, but since she works days and I usually shop late afternoons or early evenings we never see each other. During the time that I knew her, she was just starting this relationship that, well, didn’t look that promising to me. I mean, it seemed the guy ran hot and cold on her. It also seemed he left her with the lion’s share of doing the work of “relating”. I remember thinking that I hoped it worked out for her, since she was really into this guy, but also thinking that I was very skeptical that it would.
My friend, didn’t recognize me at first. Seriously. She had to do that double take thing, then the triple take. “Wow!” she exclaimed, “You look great! How are you?!” ( I love it when that happens and it is happening a lot lately! LOL!) We did the girl hug thing that women do when they meet and haven’t seen each other for a long time. We spent a few minutes getting caught up. In fact, she ended up going through the checkout line with me. I told her that Ex #2 and I were divorced. She told me she thought that was a great decision, obviously, since I look so good now (her words). I asked her about the relationship she was starting way back when we were hanging out in that disastrous marriage group thing. Sure enough, three years later, she’s telling me how he proposed, then got cold feet and backed out. She finally ended it with him. I mean, seriously, she hung out with that hot and cold behavior for three whole years?
Women, why do we do this????
I found myself wanting to tell her, “Girlfriend, you made a great choice! He never was that into you!” Instead, I kept my mouth shut, encouraged her and listened and wondered why we women are so willing to “put up with” and “make excuses for” men who really just aren’t into us.
Men don’t lie. They tell us exactly what they think, in one way or another. If they don’t call, it isn’t because they are busy or “couldn’t”. It is because they don’t want to. We just aren’t important enough for them to carve out a few minutes to connect. A guy that really wants to be with a woman, doesn’t let her phone grow cold.
In the same way, when a guy runs hot and then cold, he’s not really committed or all that interested. Most guys know instantly if they want to pursue relationship with a particular woman or not. They are all hot about her, no cold, it’s just that simple. He wants to call her, be with her, do stuff for her and give her things, even if those things are only small tokens of care and even if he’s working within a budget. And, hear me, peeps. It isn’t the gift at all here that is important, it is the behavior.
I was talking with another friend last night, and we were discussing relationship and single life and guys and she said, “I think being alone sucks and I hate dating, but it is a whole lot better than being in a bad relationship with the wrong person.”
I’d have to say I agree.
Seriously. There are lots of really nice, handsome, terrific men out there. Contrary to popular belief. If he’s not crazy about you (and you are worth being completely crazy about!) then don’t waste another minute or amount of emotional energy. Okay, I give you permission to have 15 minutes of disappointment, but that’s all. Face it, if he’s not calling, wants to be with the guys more than you, seems to have a whole lot of other priorities higher on the list than you then, well, he’s not crazy about you and you deserve better. Be a realist. Face the facts. Move on.
You’ll be glad you did. I hate to say it, but he probably will be too.
2 thoughts on “Grocery Store Get Togethers”
Well, as you already know, it isn’t just men that exhibit the “hot and cold” behavior. Women do it as well. And while it is easy to see from the outside looking in, we all know that when we are in a situation where a person is “hot and cold” it isn’t easy at all to pull away or even see how far it has progressed. Many times we will lift our heads up, realize it has been three or four years, and only then do we realize we have wasted a lot of time.
Yes, being in a bad relationship with the wrong person is worse than being single. However, being single is what causes us to pursue, yet again, another relationship. If being single were fun, everybody would be single. And it is in the pursuit of the one relationship that we can hold onto for the rest of our lives, it is difficult for many to avoid the situation where we are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. We either give up too early and miss out on the relationship of a lifetime, or we give up too late and waste a lot of time and energy.
It’s all a little maddening and that is why having a friend that you trust to give you good advice about relationships is so valuable. People in a relationship would be better off listening to those that are not in the middle of it.
Good post. It was thought provoking and contemplative.
Thanks for the encouraging words and the thoughtful response. I agree with your points completely! I have experienced exactly the quandary you describe on more occasions than I care to admit or remember. It is maddening!!!!
Thanks again for your input!