Reasons Why I Never Responded To You On That Online Dating Site

computergivesflowersThese are some of the most common reasons I don’t respond to men on an online dating site.  I can’t speak for other women, and I’ll willingly and gladly admit that I’m one-of-a-kind and not like other women so it wouldn’t matter anyway. These are my thoughts and mine alone.

1.  You only winked at me.  Seriously?  If that’s all the more effort you can expend even after my profile specifically stated that I dont’ respond to winks, you just told me you didn’t read my profile and all I have to say to that is “Next!”

2.  You emailed me and this is what you said, “Hey, liked your profile.  I was wondering if you’d like to chat.”   Hell, no!  I am not on this site to “chat”.  I am not on this site to waste my time. I am not on this site to respond to any cut and pasted messages that you sent to a thousand other women.  I am on this site to increase the odds that I will meet a man who actually has the same ideas about life and relationship that I do so that I can date him and become seriously involved with him with the hopes of building a fulfilling life and future together.  After all, this is hopefully going to be the man that breaks my heart when I have to bury him because we loved each other so deeply (or whose heart is broken because he has to bury me).  Chatting is beneath my dignity…and beneath the dignity of anyone  who seriously merits my attention.  (Now some ribald, tawdry fun on occasion is not out of the question, but you have to be amazing to make that work in the very first email, if you are and you do, you’re golden!)

3.  You told me you loved my picture but said nothing more.  Really, now.  What am I supposed to do with that?  Ask you out?  Sorry, big guy.  That’s your job. About all you’ll get from me on that one is, “Thanks for the kind words.  Good luck on your search.”  And, yes, I cut and pasted it for you and about 50 other guys tonight.

4.  You told me your whole life story in the first email.  So, what’s there to discover now? Next!

5.  You disclosed to me that you beat your last wife, or that you beat your ex’s boyfriend up and did 5 months in jail for that little expression of emotion.  I’m looking to eliminate unnecessary drama from my life, not invite it in.

6.  You had no picture on your profile.  While I’m such a Beauty and the Beast kind of girl, I am also savvy enough about digital realities to know that you can say anythng you want without a picture.  I also know that with a picture you can still be lying.  I don’t deal without a picture and I have my ways of discerning if you are lying to me with that picture or not.  A huge part of relationship is chemistry whether you want to admit it or not and, yes, you have to look good to me.  You expect that I will look good to you or you wouldn’t have contacted me. After all, I did post an accurate and recent picture of myself.  If you can’t do,at least that, I’m not wasting my time with you.

7.  Your username was stupid.  Really.  How smart is it to put up a user like “sexyfun1foru” when you are 5’2 and 300 pounds?  Remember, you are contacting a woman who is 5’6″ in bare feet.  Add the stillettos and I’m an easy 5’9″.  Are you really going to be able to be someone I can look up to?  Seriously…there are many lovely women in the 5′ range.  Hunt them. I just can’t do someone who is shorter than my own son. Also,  I’m sure you are a dynamo in bed but I would have downplayed those sexual strengths and focused on the inner person with your username.  Kinda makes me think you’re just out for a one night romp.

8.  You asked, “So, how’s the online scene working for you?”  That’s an instant dealbreaker.  It’s working WAY better for me than most, but that’s none of your freaking business so don’t ask.

9.  Your first email and your profile for that matter was all about you.  You didn’t ask any questions about me nor did you give me anything I could respond to beyond, “Oh that’s interesting.”  I’m really not that into becoming someone’s groupie.  I want a “relationship”, a partnership, a collaborative effort involving more than just one person. There are many out there who are willing to sign on as your fan club groupie, just because you look nice, have a job and have all the necessary body parts.  Go have fun with them.  I want something more.

10.  You gave me your number and expected me to call you.  Dude, let’s project that out ten years from now and we’re married.  Translation: if I do it all now to get the relationship started…I’m going to be the only one doing anything to keep it together.  Dealbreaker.  No time to waste going down that lonely road.  I want better than that.  Next!

11.  You emailed me but didn’t close the deal.  I really find it so interesting that really successful competent men can work overtime getting to know a company inside and out. They learn everything about the organization so that when they do get that one shot to sell themselves to the company of their dreams they can impress those interviewing them and they can negotiate the best deal for them and the company they are interviewing with.  They actually present themselves to their future employer by detailing how their strengths and experiences can benefit the company.  Then they go a step further and ask for the job.  They follow up the interview with thank-you notes of appreciation and they continue to relentlessly but diplomatically follow up until they know they’ve got the job or they’ve been eliminated.  Men, do not operate this way with women.  With women and online dating, it seems that men more often fill out the application (put up a profile)  and apply for the job( make an intial contact or two), but then they expect the employer (the woman) to go chasing them down to offer them a job (he leaves his number but she has to do all the work to get the thing rolling) .  Or, he contacts her and makes small talk but never gets around to asking her out or making arrangements to meet her.  What is up with that?

And that’s just the first 11 reasons!

18 thoughts on “Reasons Why I Never Responded To You On That Online Dating Site

  1. This post is the best!!!!

    Except …


    Rip the needle off the record and back way up here…

    In number 11, did you just compare the process of finding “a man who actually has the same ideas about life and relationship that I do so that I can date him and become seriously involved with him with the hopes of building a fulfilling life and future together,” to applying for a job at a soulless and emotionless company?


    Well…women are soulless, cold, and emotionless creatures. On second thought, I’ll allow that.

    Carry on.


    1. Sanity,
      Hmmm, actually…I was comparing relationship with applying for a job at a soulless and emotionless company, but it isn’t the women who are soulless, cold and emotionless creatures. 😉 It’s the men who put forth more effort for said soulless company than they do to get a date, that I was talking about. Clearly this isn’t all men either. Only the men I shut down online or in F2F world.


  2. You write alot better when you’re pissed off.. I can’t believe you even waste your time with online dating.. typical guy on there.. Horny, fat, stalker, petterass, gay, or just plain creepy. Go find a guy at the Library or an Art Museum!


    1. mynooch,
      Stereotypes will get you in trouble every time. I would go find someone at the Library or an Art Museum, if we had them here! LOL!
      And…I wasn’t pissed off when I wrote that. Just sharing a compilation of experiences. 🙂
      But now that I look at your comment, what’s wrong with horny and stalker? 😉


      1. And, mynooch, how would you know what kind of guy is on there…unless you’ve been searching…and meeting those guys? LMAO!


  3. Uhhhhh…isn’t “guy” and “horny” redundant? For that matter, isn’t “guy” and “creepy” redundant?

    And Cat, the thing about stereotypes that makes them funny is that they are true!!!!! 😉


  4. Where the hell do you live? You don’t have a library? I know the guys on there as some of my friends that are female have shown me some of the sick shit guy message to them


  5. My online dating site came up with the perfect Lady.

    All is not lost, I’ve got another three free goes.



    1. Enigmatik,
      Let me clarify, I don’t understand the part about “all is not lost, I’ve got another three free goes”. If you found the perfect Lady online then you should go for her. 🙂


      1. Cat,

        Who wants the perfect “Lady”? I’d prefer a woman who knows when it’s appropriate to be a lady and when it’s appropriate to be otherwise. It was a play on words. Too highbrow maybe? All is not lost because, had the comment been true, I’d have another chance to find a woman who was less than a “perfect Lady”.

        Despite my “conventional” style I’m far from prudish and can mix it with the more debauched among us. I just prefer to do so in private.

        I don’t do the online dating thing. Don’t take me wrong, I have and I’ve met some interesting people and formed a few ongoing frienships. The “benefits” of these dating sites even sated my libido for a couple of years after my divorce, during my selfish phase, before I realised that sex for sex sake wasn’t what I needed or was really looking for.

        Ironically I did meet a woman online who hit all the right notes. Unfortunately she didn’t enjoy my music as much as I enjoyed hers. Considering your past experiences, the Beau etc, I’m sure this is something that you can relate to. C’est la vie.



            1. Enigmatik,
              The most confusing part of that comment was the reference you made to yourself when you said, “I’m far from prudish”. Hmmm, if I recall accurately one of your first comments to me (not the first, but one shortly after) on this blog, one about waxed fit princesses, dispelled all ideas of you having a prudish bone in your body. About being debauched in private? Hmmmm, that one, too, is in serious question. And I have backers to support my theories! LOL! (Something about swings and triages, if I recall…or maybe that was just a dream?)


  6. Cat,

    It’s obviously time for that consultation I mentioned in an earlier comment. The line between fantasy and reality are clearly blurring.

    Just say the word and I’ll forward my private number.

    In the mean time –



    1. Enigmatik,
      LMAO!!! How can lines between reality and fantasy blur when everyone gets to create their own reality anyway these days. Must make your consulting practice much more difficult. Either that or every one is crazy!
      The word.
      There I said it.


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