Romance Is A Game Best Played On A Level Playing Field-Lessons Learned

Curtains rise, lights up full center stage spotlight on The Wild Mind who is dressed in tight  jeans, flattering trendy top, pumps with stilletto heels, hair perfectly coifed and make up on.  Cue happy music playing softly in the background.  The Wild Mind addresses the audience.

I am really grateful that now there is complete closure not just with The Beau, but the I.J. (Yes, we had a “conversation” also in the last two weeks.  I haven’t written about it because it was a little sad and I’ve been too busy writing and doing other things). 

beerhandsmallDating is a different world now in Post-40 World than it was in Post-20 World.  Okay, if it is still the same world it was back then, then I’ve been dealt a new hand and the cards suck in this one.  Furthermore, when I was younger, I had more time to regroup the losses both emotionally and financially, I am not so young and not so cavalier about the consequences of poor choices.

I now know that one’s choice of a marital or romantic partner can affect your life forever, even long after they leave the scene. datinggumswap

It’s a high stakes game and I’m betting all or nothing on the best possibility for relationship, not just something that’s good enough or nice enough because I’m tired of being alone.

I am emotionally free from wondering if , maybe, when, how, what if anything will happen with The Beau or anyone else that is not knocking down my door or heating up my phone to connect with me.  I just know it won’t happen for me with someone who is merely lukewarm.

Even if it doesn’t work out with the Old Flame and The Beau, what’s he going to do? Come back and knock on my door and say, “Hey, you’re the lucky first runner up. Old Flame couldn’t fullfil her pageant responsibilities. Want to give it a go?”

Thanks, but that’s not exactly how I see my fairy tale playing out. I don’t know how exactly how I do see it playing out, but I’m fairly certain that scenario is not on the list.

So, to take The Beau’s and many of my readers’ and friends’ advice and especially my sister’s (she’ll so love this!)  I’m going to use this last episode with The Beau as  more than just an experience to do some creative writing.  I’m going to use it as an experience to reflect and further clarify for myself where I’m at and how I’m doing.  Let’s see if I can do it in 10 points or less.  Here we go.

The Points (not in any particular order):

  1. One’s choice of marital or romantic partner can affect the quality of the rest of your life.  This is true on a minor scale with those you date.  Choose wisely.
  2. The Wild Mind’s Love Philosophy still holds:  When a man is into a woman there is no doubt: he knows, she knows and there is no obstacle too great to overcome in order to make it happen.  He’ll find any way he can to get into her life, heart and, yes, pants.  This includes picking up the phone and calling her or driving distances to see her.  He won’t mind.  He’ll actually want to do it.
  3. Some people out there in Dating World are completely unavailable but they masquerade as completely available.  Do not believe this until proven. 
  4. Emotional availability is proven by scaling tall obstacles or great distances unasked and without hesitation or groaning.  It is also demonstrated a million other very creative ways all of which, every man knows capably how to execute, but won’t, unless you are the one he wants to be available for. If he’s not willing to prove availability in these ways, he’s just not that into you.
  5. Pay attention and trust your gut.  Read point Number 2 and if you experience doubts then he’s just not that into being into you. 😀 Move on now.  Don’t waste any more time.
  6. Men play just as many games as women.  Don’t deny it.  Some of these games are: “I Want Sex, But I’m Not Available For Any Serious Relationship, I’d Just Like To Make You Think I Am”, “I’m Bored With Nothing Better To Do, Come (yes, pun intended) Entertain Me”, “I’ll Play With You Till Something Better Comes Along” “I’m Completely Unavailable But Can’t Admit It”,and the final version, “Let’s Pretend” where he wants to pretend he’s really available so he can get sex or he’ll pretend he’s really into you even convincing himself he might be in hopes you will give him sex. The “Let’s Pretend” game is also played by those men who are hoping to get their mind off their own pain/loss/whatever for a while or by men who are married and won’t leave but can’t stay either.
  7. Women, do not go near these games!  If you do, you do so at your own peril.  Do not play the If…Maybe…What If?…Game. If you find out you are involved somehow in one of these games, get out yesterday. Don’t look back.  You deserve better.  You will also feel better.  Take charge of your health, get out now!pirates_of_the_caribbean_015 
  8. Being alone is still better than being in a relationship that is just okay or where you wonder all the time if he’s really all that into you.  Stop the wonder.  He’s not.  Move on. (I so need to remember this one myself!)
  9. My Prince Charming (or Adventurous Pirate) is out there and some day, if and when we meet, I will be ready and willing for the raping/pillaging and plundering to ensue.  (Okay…or for him to sweep me up on his magnificent steed time and time again until we are exhausted, then we’ll ride happily into the future together.) 😀
  10. Painting ceilings without a sprayer sucks.  Don’t ever do it. Next time, I’m buying beer and pizza and putting an ad on Craigslist that reads, “Free beer and pizza in exchange for painting help!” It’ll be a lot more fun.

Lights out. Curtain falls.

The End, Yes, Finally, The End!!!!

18 thoughts on “Romance Is A Game Best Played On A Level Playing Field-Lessons Learned

  1. Wow, to put so much time and effort into a man you only semi dated for 6 weeks. I respect you and always took your side when “The Beau” spoke of his doubts, but this blog really makes a bad name for us women. Two things to always remember. Insecurity is not attractive nor is over analyzing things. Both of which, women are masters at doing. When you are truly in love, you don’t do those two things. You just know in your heart and you trust what you feel. So, as the Ghost a.k.a the Old Flame the Beau run off into the sunset, we both hope you find happiness, somewhere, somehow, and with someone.

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    1. Old Flame,
      Nice to meet you. Thanks for commenting. You might want to check your facts with the Beau about how intimate that semi-dating relationship got. We’d met family, kids, and, yeah, well. Apparently he hasn’t been completely honest with you either.
      The fact that you were even in a place where you could be taking my side when the Beau spoke of his doubts about me to you proves all my points completely: The Beau was not emotionally available because he was dealing with you and he should have been up front with me about that from the get go, before he took other liberties and allowed things to go where they went.
      As for the insecurity and attractiveness and making a bad name for women, you are certainly entitled to your opinion but I’ve yet to receive a negative comment from a man who isn’t the Beau about these series of posts. And there’s absolutely no insecurity in having some fun writing about what was a disappointing and frustrating experience, because I wasn’t dealt honestly with.
      In the end, it is my blog, I’ll write it how I want to. If you feel it reeks of insecurity, maybe you are projecting your own uncertainties or misunderstanding of what exactly consititutes insecurity because if I were uncertain or insecure about anything regarding this episode it would not have made post.
      I wish you the best, Old Flame, as you ride off into the sunset. How does it feel to know you made 2nd runner up and are finally getting a chance at the big time, because Plan A wouldn’t fulfill her pageant responsibilities? All I can say about that is better you than me!
      Enjoy!

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  2. Cat – I think you’re starting to see that it is really as simple as just taking care of yourself and doing what is right for you. Setting boundaries, listening to your gut, and not settling. You (the generic you) can read about this, be told about this, but it really hits home when you experience it and learn it first hand. I think you’re seeing that the boundaries of “two dates a week” isn’t game playing or OCD, but rather being true to yourself and making yourself a priority. It isn’t something we as women were necessarily taught, but something we all need to learn.

    Here’s a rule of thumb that I’ve taken from Weight Watchers and you can apply it here: If it isn’t a 10, why bother? (Originally meant if the food isn’t exquisite, don’t eat it.) Same with dating.

    I am currently living by the philosophy that “he” will show up (if he’s meant to) when I’m out living and loving life and having fun. And if he doesn’t show up? Well, then, I’m still out living and loving life and having fun.

    Simple, eh?

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  3. Oh, and The Beau’s Ghost doesn’t get it, does she? I don’t think this was all about him, but rather he was the culmination of a long time of experiences and your thought process to grow and heal and move forward in life.

    Karma, Ghost, Karma.

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    1. Yes, Little Miss, I concur with you completely. It was so less about The Beau than it was about the culmination of the “long time of experiences and thought processes”. And, that’s exactly the point of these whole four posts “if he isn’t a 10, why bother?”.
      And…being alone…is better than being second best or runner up or …in a bad relationship. Everyone deserves better than that.

      Just sayin’. 😉

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  4. Well, I don’t look at myself as second runner up because I am grown up enough to know that sometimes, it’s simply just Bad Timing. We were both at a crossroad in our life and it was a mutual split thinking that being responsible adults was the best decision and we parted as good friends. Just because something doesn’t work out the way we wanted it to, doesn’t make the other person bad. As far as him not being honest, well think what you want, he had been nothing but honest, and you’re right, better me than you.

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    1. Old Flame, aka The Beau’s Ghost,
      Hmmmm, who’s being defensive and insecure now?
      Not second runner up? Bad timing? Good friends who didn’t communicate for 11 years till you tracked him down and started it all up again in December? Yeah, we’ll go with that.
      And, you have no idea about honest because you weren’t there.
      I was.
      And, yes, better you than me, because I can do better than someone’s runner up…by the way…so can you! 🙂
      But please, let’s stop the cat fight on my blog. The Beau isn’t worth it, I really don’t care that much except for the point of argument (I so should have been an attorney) and if you want to talk about making women look bad??? This is what does it more than anything I posted in the last four posts.
      I wish you the best! Remember, before the end of the year, honey, or I lose my bet! 😉

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  5. I don’t want to get scarred by flying claws nor have I the time to join the queue (you know what I’m talking about 😉 ) so in a moment of self control I’ll be brief. What Little Miss said … the second time … the culmination stuff. But a quick question:

    Why are you trying to justify yourself?

    TC!

    Steve

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    1. LOL! Sport, my dear friend, sport. You’ve heard the phrase “made for T.V.?”
      Blogs are entertainment, made for the internet. Wise to keep that in mind. 😉
      You should so see my stats as the result of this discussion. 😀 LMAO!

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  6. You see it how you want and I will see it the way I want. If you consider this a cat fight, then so be it. If you see me as being defensive and/or insecure than thats your right, but you are wrong. If he isnt worth it, than why did you spend so much time on this blog yourself? I feel he is more than worth it. You say that you can do better, as well as I can? I say there is nothing better than him. To have a man who is full of life, excitement, someone who makes you feel like you hung the moon, that you are the most beautiful woman in the world, someone who you can spend hours upon hours talking to about nothing, and everything, what better is there than that? Sometimes, you just have a chemistry with someone that you just cant explain or control and its the most beautiful thing in the world.
    You’re right, I wasnt there when you two were seeing each other and I have no clue what he has told you, but I do know what he has told me and he has always been up front and honest with me. But, in everyones defense, there are always 3 sides to a story. Your side, their side and then the truth. You have every right to say what you want, afterall, this is your blog, take ownership, but I as well have every right to say what I want. Isnt this what you want? Dont you want comments to be posted to create conversation? Thats all this is, simple conversation. But, maybe you only want to see your own side and have everyone agree with you instead of being open to hearing the 3rd parties side. Afterall, you are the one who involved me in this whole story, when in reality, the demise of your relationship with him actually had nothing at all to do with me. But, you dont want to hear that nor do you want to believe it and you can continue thinking what you want. Thats the power of the woman. Good Luck.
    In my defense, and I am defensive about this, because I insist on honesty. There is not more than 20 years difference between us, heck, there isnt even 20 years difference. But of course, how interesting would a story be if there werent a few lies thrown in there to make it a little more exciting. If the complete truth were told, then you probably wouldnt have anyone reading this.

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    1. *Yawning, while considering pushing delete button, then does some simple math: Beau’s age–11 years older than Wild Mind +Ghost’s age which is 7 years younger = 18 years, rounds to 20 in most mathematical arenas, The Wild Mind shrugs*

      Yeah, we’ll go with that. This is getting old. Time to move on Ghost. Have a wonderful, beautiful life.

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    2. And, truly, thanks for providing such fun DRAMA where there was absolutely none before! The Ghost reincarnated right here on my blog! It’s not every day that character’s in stories actually come to life. Thanks for helping me out with that! 🙂

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    1. ROFLMAO!!!! *falls on the floor clutching stomach in spasms of laughter*
      Actually, Duke lost last night…I was not happy about that one! 😦

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