Okay, maybe I should just drop this because I really am obsessing over this.
Mostly, I just have a lot of questions.
Maybe they are the wrong ones.
What exactly do I expect? Hmmm, that the guy is really into me while at the same time I am into him.
That alone is a difficult pairing to find. It’s either one or the other, so far not both, at least not for very long. So far.
Are my expectations realistic? Should nice enough be good enough even if the chemistry is missing? Can chemistry grow as you get to know someone or is it there and you know it right away?
I think I know the answers to these questions, but maybe I am wrong and I’m just being unrealistic.
Or…maybe…maybe it is like my friend told me: I am just not ready to be in relationship right now so I am more interested in the ones who capture my imagination but which are completely unavailable, for whatever reason, thus causing me to not be able to fully emotionally invest in the really nice guys in my own front yard. Yes, there are several of them there at any given point. If you come to my hometown you will know my house because it will likely be the only front yard with a bunch of really nice guys growing there. I’m constantly weeding them out. Maybe that’s the problem.
But I’m not sure that all I want is a “really nice guy”.
Maybe I am not sure what I really want after all.
Or, maybe I am too certain.
Maybe that is why I need to go through this exercise, which once again leads me nowhere. Maybe I just need to go do something else.
Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.