How Can A Woman Be Sure?

You know, much has been said about how men and women see the world differently, especially when it comes to dating.  I’m just wondering, since I am female, how I can know for sure that a man is really into me.  I mean, what specific things should I be able to rely on in terms of his behavior, attitudes, words, etc. that let me know he is into me or he is not sure he’s into me or he’s not into me?  Sometimes I think women read things differently than men intend.  I just want to know…how can I tell if he is really interested, or not so much?

Any thoughts?  Guys, please don’t hesitate to respond.  Your words here could be golden.

6 thoughts on “How Can A Woman Be Sure?

  1. Okay here is my two bits. If he zones out on you, if you sense any distraction at all, he may just be killing time. Does he smile when he sees you? Does he reach for your hand? Is he romancing you? If you don’t mean it when you say stop, and he still stops, that is a good thing. Does he respect you, your priorities, your children, your job?

    I could go on with little things like this, but I think the distraction and the lack of respect are, or ought to be signs that he is not that into you.


  2. Well, each guy can be different, so this can be tricky. Additionally, the behaviors differ depending on each stage of the relationship. However, my advice to women is to look at how much effort he spends to interact with you, because we aren’t going to interact with people we AREN’T interested in; we let woman monopolize that behavioral trait.

    If you two talk frequently, then he is into you. The term “frequently” depends upon the stage of the relationship. For instance, I work with two women that both are “dating” guys. The first woman has been in a LTR for awhile and can’t get her boyfriend to call her or spend anytime with her. Yet, the other woman lives 3,000 miles away from the guy that she is interested in and they talk at least once a day. If a guy doesn’t want to communicate with you, he isn’t into you. If he is e-mailing you (genuine e-mails, not forwarded e-mails talking about Ben Stein’s thoughts on the economy), calling you, sending smoke signals, or generally communicating with you in some way, then you can be assured he is thinking of you. If he is thinking of you, he is interested in you.

    Another way to tell if he is interested is if he goes out of his way to spend time with you. I had an acquaintance that was so frustrated that her boyfriend wouldn’t take a FREE 15 minute trip on public transportation to spend time with her. I pointed out that I-5 between Seattle and Portland is filled with people driving 3 hours on a Friday night just to spend the weekend with each other, yet he couldn’t be bothered to take a 15 minute ride to spend time with her. Yeah, he wasn’t into her.

    Additionally, I will take the previous point one step further. If you are out having dinner and he mentions that he has a busy day/weekend ahead of him as he orders another glass of wine (and when I say glass, I mean bottle), that tells you he would rather be out late with you then worry about the pain he will feel the next day. At that point, he has decided your company is worth the torment he will endure the next day. However, if he says he has a really busy day/weekend ahead of him and DOESN’T order another glass of wine, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you. Don’t do that. Omission of the behavior doesn’t mean anything. That is craziness that doesn’t need to creep into your psyche.

    Generally speaking, if he is spending time with you and he is spending his hard earned money on you, then he is interested in you.

    Quickly, here are some other things to look for: if he holds your hand in public, or if his eyes light up and his tail wags when he sees you (don’t pretend you can’t see that tail wagging), or if he pins you up against a wall and gives you a kiss that makes your knees buckle, then you can rest assured that he is interested in you.

    Those are just some of my behavioral traits. I’m not sure what other guys do.


    1. Absolutely awesome input! You just confirmed so much of what I was already suspecting. This really is a stumbling point for a lot of women, myself included. I think we hate to face reality when it appears someone we’re pretty in “like” with just isn’t that into us. It’s as much giving up the hope of what could have been (at least in our minds) as it is facing the reality that those hopes will never be realized with this particular person. Well, at least, when I’ve had issues with this, this is where it can stick for me. Thanks for commenting!


  3. I think Sanity is right on. I liked the point about him ordering another glass of wine. Late nights make for early mornings. What is his priority?

    BTW, I like the new pic.


  4. I would echo what NW Sanity guy said. If he’s communicating a lot and shows a lot of interest in you that doesn’t fade away or isn’t motivated by a short term goal (hard to know sometimes, undoubtedly), then he’s inerested in you. If he is unequivocally happy and excited to see you, that’s a good sign. If he’ll make special arrangements to see you and is willing to put you ahead of other things, then yeah, he’s the guy. And if it’s important for him to talk to you at least once a day, that’s a good sign. That’s my two cents, for what it’s worth. Sound like anyone you know?


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