Dating Strategies: How Do They Do This?!

Get this.  This came across my desk today…okay…well not really across my desk and clearly not today, but I thought I’d put this out there and see what people thought.

Here’s the deal.  About six or seven months ago, well, more like a year, I met the acquaintance of this man.  I met him online, he was very nice, we corresponded for a bit, I could see he was intelligent and a fairly reflective person so we corresponded for a bit.  I knew he probably wasn’t going to be anyone I’d be serious with but he was definitely good friend material.  He felt the same way.  We met, we talked and the friendship naturally faded as our lives took us apart.  One thing he said, and others have also said to me haunts me.

He said this, “I like to date more than one woman at a time.”

Okay. Fine.  I think.

I’ve also heard women say the same thing.  It sounds like this: “I’m not going to stop dating or seeing other people until Mr. So-and-So (which means the favorite of the people she’s dating) decides he wants an exclusive relationship with me. 

My question is this…and maybe I should have asked it of my friends…but at what point does one know that he/she (meaning the person you are dating) wants to have an exclusive relationship with you.  Is it when he kisses you?  Is after a certain number of dates? What?  Is there a conversation that you are supposed to have? And, if you are the person dating this person who feels it is okay to date more than one person at a time how on earth are you to know if you are one of one or one of many?  Do you even broach the subject?  Do you not? 

It just seems to me that dating more than one person at a time is difficult unless you are serial dating and not making it to the second, third or fourth date with any of them.  On the other hand, what if you met a couple of people that you liked, didn’t know either of them well enough to be able to say I want or don’t want to invest here and they both continued asking you out again and again.  Well, obviously that was stated from the female perspective. 

What if you are male?  At what point do you quit dating around and change to dating only one? Do you discuss it with the intended one or do you just do it and hope she’s on the same page?

For me, here’s what I think would be weird: if you were going out with several guys at once and you happened to run into one of them (or their friends) while you were out with one of the others.


What do you all think?  I know people do it, but I just don’t get it.

4 thoughts on “Dating Strategies: How Do They Do This?!

  1. I suspect “I like to date more than one woman at a time” is code for “I like to sample as many items on the buffet as possible,” and he probably didn’t mean a sampling of intellectual virtues alone.

    It probably didn’t mean: “I’m searching for the right candidate for an exclusive long term relationship and want to take my time and be sure I select the correct one.”

    It probably did mean: “If you’re looking to get serious enough to get intimate, then I’m your man. But if your level of seriousness extends to the notion that intimacy implies subsequent obligation and/or fidelity, then I’m not your man.”

    In short, it probably meant: “I like to get laid. End of story.”

    I realize this may be too abstruse or foreign a concept for the female mind to grasp. But just try to imagine that the only connection to a member of the opposite sex you really cared about was purely physical, but you wanted and needed that connection so bad that you were willing to do almost anything to get it … lie, steal, cheat, enter into legal contracts, sign prenups, endure endless conversation, dry dishes, etc. If you can imagine such a thing, then you’re starting to become acquainted with the male of the species Homo Sapiens. There are exceptions, of course, mutations–but these are rare and usually cherished and snapped up by the female of the species the moment they appear.

    How to distinguish the true mutations from those of the prevailing majority merely masquerading as such, you ask?

    Ah, if you could only discover, bottle and sell that answer, baby you’d be a rich man (to paraphrase the Beatles). Please don’t take offense by thinking I’m calling you a man–actually, I’m just implying that it would be more likely for a man to discover (and bottle and sell) that answer than a woman … they are more adept than women at recognizing mutants of their own species. It ain’t an exact science, and wish I could be more help. But hey, that’s evolution for you … can’t live with it, can’t live without it.


  2. In all honesty, I’m not sure how it would work for a guy. I’ve never had the opportunity to use that line since it has never been a problem for me. Does one just wait until there is only one left, musical chairs style, and that is THE ONE? What if all the nice ones get together and decide to step back at once, leaving the one with the bad attitude and shrill voice left for the guy to have? I wouldn’t leave the choice up to a simple game of chance like that.

    Who is this guy? Where does he live that there are optimal women-a-plenty running around ready to be scooped up like M & M’s in a barrel? Is Hugh Hefner your friend? This is all very confusing.


    1. Amit,
      Hi there!
      If the topic is over-discussed, then it must still be of great interest. Inquiring minds must want to know because this topic and others like it get the most interest from the audience.
      Thanks for the kudos, too.


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