Christmas Party Friend and Mr. Knows have continued seeing each other since before Christmas. If you are new here or just stumbled in and want to get up to speed on these two characters, you’ll need to check out my posts titled, “How To Ask A Woman Out” and “How To Start Things Off Right With A Woman” probably in that order.
Anyway, apparently, Mr. Knows has been quite consistent but not overly persistent in pursuing Christmas Party Friend. Their first official date was a Christmas party thrown by friends and colleagues of his. However, not to be alarmed or percieved as too much too soon, it was a place where many of those same colleagues and friends were people she knew or could relate to. She tells me it was a fabulous. They met at a little pub ahead of time, had a drink then headed back to her place to drop off her car then drove out to the party together. It was a snowy, blustery, winter’s eve.
The party was held at this gorgeous home of friends of his. It looked like something you might see featured in Sunset magazine. I remember wondering as my friend was telling me this, “Where on earth do you find these people?” As Christmas Party friend tells it, they walked in and it wasn’t long before Christmas Party Friend was doing her thing, meeting people, working the room, having fun. Her date, already feeling rather comfortable, after all this was his crowd, took care to introduce her to each and every person in the room.
“It was really pretty classy the way he orchestrated the introductions,” CPF told me. “We’d walk up to a group in conversation, they’d notice us and pause in their conversation. He’d introduce me and pretty soon we’d all be talking away. On occasion he left and talked with other people. He wasn’t at my side the entire time, in fact, he was right beside me very little of the time, but he checked in regularly, watched to see if my plate was empty or my glass and was Mr. Johnny-on-the-Spot to do whatever he could to make sure I had a great time. At the same time, he wasn’t stumbling over himself and overdoing it either. It was the perfect balance between close and distant, but he was always present.”
I thought this was significant. In my own experiences with dating and through listening to my other single friends both locally and online, one really challenging aspect that both women and men are faced with is how much is too much and how soon is too soon. Now, personally, I’m not sure I would have been ready on the first date to meet all of my date’s very close friends. I absolutely know that on the very first date I would not be introducing him to my friends. But maybe since Mr. Knows and Christmas Party Friend had already met and interacted in similar settings together it was different. I don’t know. I think each couple has to sort this out for themselves.
It is tough to know how close to be to someone at a party or social gathering. It is also tough to know how close is too close or how much freedom a person needs or wants in relationship. There’s such a fine line between being present and being clingy or allowing some freedom and giving off that sense that you could care less that your date is there. This is both the joy and demise of getting to know another person. My attitude about this has evolved to the point that, I simply don’t concern myself with it anymore. If our interactions work for me and for the other person then that’s a pretty clear sign that the connection might have potential. It doesn’t guarantee anything, but it is a start. This really seems like it is in the “Duh” category, but my guess is more people angst over these little things than are willing to admit. They angst mostly over it during the initial stages of the relationship, it seems. Maybe, the fact that they even experience angst is an indicator that the relationship is probably not a good fit. It seems to me, that with Christmas Party Friend and Mr. Knows, it worked and they both had a great time and neither of them are experiencing any angst about it at all.
They must have had a great time because, as CPF tells me, they stayed till well after everyone was gone and hung out with the host, hostess and one other very, very close friend and sipped Vodka tonics and smoked expensive cigars (well, the guys did) outside on the back deck overlooking the ritzy golf course till nearly two in the morning.
Then, Christmas Party Friend informed me of The Bad Thing That Happened. Turns out that when Mr. Knows dropped CPF off, he didn’t even walk her up to the doorstep. “This,” CPF told me, “was completely out of character from what I’ve already experienced of him. I wonder if that was significant?”
“Uh-oh”, I thought.
CPF is pretty certain that means that Mr. Knows decided he isn’t going any further with this. She’s not wasting a lot of time worrying about it, but that little bit of behavior did raise a question in her mind simply because it was so out of character for him. She simply figures that he somehow determined that it’s not a go for him for whatever reason. From her perspective, she’s not necessarily taking it as rejection. Everyone has the right to make decisions that are best for them and he might be doing that here. She doesn’t know and probably won’t until it is clear he isn’t calling anymore.
I think this brings up a great question for dialogue though. My friend didn’t necessarily expect a goodnight kiss from him, but was being walked to the door too much to expect or is that just too old school?
I don’t know. What do you think?