How To Ask A Woman Out

A friend of mine told me of an experience she recently had at a Christmas party. 

She’d been invited by a colleague from work.  The party was held at her friends house in a rather upscale neighborhood of a nearby town.  My friend knew that some people from work would probably be there. Since this party was an invitation only kind of deal and she didn’t know who’d been invited she didn’t ask around at work to see who else was going to attend.  She also knew there would be other people from the city and neighborhood there.  She was apprehensive about going to a party by herself, at Christmas.  You guessed it.  She’s in her 40’s and single and feeling a bit lost about it all. She was dreading going.  In fact, she told me, she wanted so badly to stay home, curl up in her pj’s by the fire and veg out in front of the TV with her dogs.  As she was contemplating whether she should attend or not, the thought occurred to her that she’d have plenty of time to sit alone by the fire and veg out in front of the TV in later years, but she might not always be invited to Christmas parties like this one.  It was after all a fairly prestigious annual thing and a fundraiser to boot.  None of that impressed her so much but the idea of having plenty of time to sit around later was the tipping point for her.  She decided to go.

She drove in the rain and snow without directions, to an address she didn’t know and a house she only vaguely remembered from the year before.  As she parked her vehicle she thought, “What if I’ve got the wrong place?  What will I say?”  Well, fortunately, my friend is incredibly good with directions and she got the right place.  Her colleague’s husband answered the door, recognized her instantly and welcomed her in. 

Then the most interesting thing happened.  She met someone.  Well, it was someone that was a colleague of her friend’s husband.  The two began chatting, it seemed things were clicking between the two of them and just as their conversation was really getting going another person came along and took over the conversation.  You know.  You’ve been there, so have I.  Someone joins the conversational circle and completely takes over.  Well, the first guy’s drink went dry, my friend’s drink was still full.  He left to go refill his drink and she was left talking to the one who took the conversation hostage.   The man she was originally talking to ended up meeting up with some of his other work colleagues and she ultimately left the conversation with the hostage-taker and found conversations with colleagues and friends she knew.   She was enjoying herself, wished she could figure out a way to resume the conversation with the man she was originally talking to because he seemed interesting.  After “working the room” a bit, stopping off to grab tidbits to eat, she realized it was going to be rather intimidating breaking into a crowd of complete strangers mid-converstation.  And he was surrounded by men she didn’t know and had never met.  His crowd from work apparently.

She decided eventually to call it an evening.  It was early really, only about 9:30, but with a 30 minute drive and snow on the roads it was probably late enough she figured. She said her good-byes to the people she was talking to, to the host and hostess and headed for the door.  She collected her purse and as she was getting her keys he appeared and said, “Where are you parked? If you don’t mind, I’d be glad to walk you to your car.  It is awfully slippery out.”  Surprised and pleased, she smiled and indicated her appreciation of his thoughtful gesture.  As they walked to her car the gentleman expressed his regret that they didn’t get a chance to finish their conversation.  He asked her for the opportunity to continue the conversation at a later time to which she agreed.  He asked if it would be okay to request her number from the hostess of the party (I mean who does this anymore?) and well, because the hostess didn’t have her current phone number she gave him her cell number.  He said he’d call her.  As she drove off, he turned as he walked up the steps to the house and waved at her.  It was all very sweet.

She told me how he sort of fumbled through it just ever so slightly, but he still put himself out there. He’d noticed she was leaving and made a point to be at the door when she left.  He offered to walk her down a very, very steep icy hill to her car in the dark and in the snow. He was courteous, kind and clear about his intent. He wanted to get together again. He asked for her number.  He didn’t just give her his number and expect her to do the work.  It was, according to my friend, refreshingly nice.  

All I can say to all of that is, “And that, my dear friends, is how you ask a woman out”.

4 thoughts on “How To Ask A Woman Out

  1. Very well written anecdote … I really enjoyed reading it and got caught up in it … would the guy turn up again before she left the party? Would she ever get a chance to continue their conversation? I’m glad she did.

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    1. Hi there Signifier,
      (I love that username and the name of your blog by the way. Annoys me that it is so creative…where mine is so…so…bland…insipid…as my friend, Kip, might say.)
      Anyway, according to my friend, when she was telling me this story she was really struck with how “uncocky” he was, how at 40-something or maybe more, she wasn’t sure, how hesitant on some levels he appeared. At the same time she relayed to me how very considerate and respectful he was and he simply made it clear he was interested. And his behavior matched his words. If you read my post on “I Have That Sinking Feeling He’s Going Silent”, you’ll see that one concern in dating world is when actions don’t match words. You know, the “Talk is Cheap” mantra again. My friend was so impressed with the way this man’s behavior completely lined up with what she was saying and he was courteous and respectful about it too.
      I talked to my friend today after work. There’s a sequel brewing to that post. Stay tuned! And…thanks for commenting.
      Cat aka CAB

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