These are some of the most common reasons I don’t respond to men on an online dating site. I can’t speak for other women, and I’ll willingly and gladly admit that I’m one-of-a-kind and not like other women so it wouldn’t matter anyway. These are my thoughts and mine alone.
1. You only winked at me. Seriously? If that’s all the more effort you can expend even after my profile specifically stated that I dont’ respond to winks, you just told me you didn’t read my profile and all I have to say to that is “Next!”
2. You emailed me and this is what you said, “Hey, liked your profile. I was wondering if you’d like to chat.” Hell, no! I am not on this site to “chat”. I am not on this site to waste my time. I am not on this site to respond to any cut and pasted messages that you sent to a thousand other women. I am on this site to increase the odds that I will meet a man who actually has the same ideas about life and relationship that I do so that I can date him and become seriously involved with him with the hopes of building a fulfilling life and future together. After all, this is hopefully going to be the man that breaks my heart when I have to bury him because we loved each other so deeply (or whose heart is broken because he has to bury me). Chatting is beneath my dignity…and beneath the dignity of anyone who seriously merits my attention. (Now some ribald, tawdry fun on occasion is not out of the question, but you have to be amazing to make that work in the very first email, if you are and you do, you’re golden!)
3. You told me you loved my picture but said nothing more. Really, now. What am I supposed to do with that? Ask you out? Sorry, big guy. That’s your job. About all you’ll get from me on that one is, “Thanks for the kind words. Good luck on your search.” And, yes, I cut and pasted it for you and about 50 other guys tonight.
4. You told me your whole life story in the first email. So, what’s there to discover now? Next!
5. You disclosed to me that you beat your last wife, or that you beat your ex’s boyfriend up and did 5 months in jail for that little expression of emotion. I’m looking to eliminate unnecessary drama from my life, not invite it in.
6. You had no picture on your profile. While I’m such a Beauty and the Beast kind of girl, I am also savvy enough about digital realities to know that you can say anythng you want without a picture. I also know that with a picture you can still be lying. I don’t deal without a picture and I have my ways of discerning if you are lying to me with that picture or not. A huge part of relationship is chemistry whether you want to admit it or not and, yes, you have to look good to me. You expect that I will look good to you or you wouldn’t have contacted me. After all, I did post an accurate and recent picture of myself. If you can’t do,at least that, I’m not wasting my time with you.
7. Your username was stupid. Really. How smart is it to put up a user like “sexyfun1foru” when you are 5’2 and 300 pounds? Remember, you are contacting a woman who is 5’6″ in bare feet. Add the stillettos and I’m an easy 5’9″. Are you really going to be able to be someone I can look up to? Seriously…there are many lovely women in the 5′ range. Hunt them. I just can’t do someone who is shorter than my own son. Also, I’m sure you are a dynamo in bed but I would have downplayed those sexual strengths and focused on the inner person with your username. Kinda makes me think you’re just out for a one night romp.
8. You asked, “So, how’s the online scene working for you?” That’s an instant dealbreaker. It’s working WAY better for me than most, but that’s none of your freaking business so don’t ask.
9. Your first email and your profile for that matter was all about you. You didn’t ask any questions about me nor did you give me anything I could respond to beyond, “Oh that’s interesting.” I’m really not that into becoming someone’s groupie. I want a “relationship”, a partnership, a collaborative effort involving more than just one person. There are many out there who are willing to sign on as your fan club groupie, just because you look nice, have a job and have all the necessary body parts. Go have fun with them. I want something more.
10. You gave me your number and expected me to call you. Dude, let’s project that out ten years from now and we’re married. Translation: if I do it all now to get the relationship started…I’m going to be the only one doing anything to keep it together. Dealbreaker. No time to waste going down that lonely road. I want better than that. Next!
11. You emailed me but didn’t close the deal. I really find it so interesting that really successful competent men can work overtime getting to know a company inside and out. They learn everything about the organization so that when they do get that one shot to sell themselves to the company of their dreams they can impress those interviewing them and they can negotiate the best deal for them and the company they are interviewing with. They actually present themselves to their future employer by detailing how their strengths and experiences can benefit the company. Then they go a step further and ask for the job. They follow up the interview with thank-you notes of appreciation and they continue to relentlessly but diplomatically follow up until they know they’ve got the job or they’ve been eliminated. Men, do not operate this way with women. With women and online dating, it seems that men more often fill out the application (put up a profile) and apply for the job( make an intial contact or two), but then they expect the employer (the woman) to go chasing them down to offer them a job (he leaves his number but she has to do all the work to get the thing rolling) . Or, he contacts her and makes small talk but never gets around to asking her out or making arrangements to meet her. What is up with that?
And that’s just the first 11 reasons!
