Have you ever stopped to consider the lyrics of many of the songs we sing during this time of year? I’m talking about the songs that are usually passed off as innocent children’s songs of Santa, elves, presents under the tree and reindeer on rooftops. If you’ve read my posts on Handy Men and Their Tools, Hoses and Pumps, Fire Trucks, or Wood Deliveries then you might already suspect the direction I am heading with this. Now that it is Christmas, and because I had a special request to get away from the depressing divorce stuff and do something much more fun and tawdry, let’s take a look at some of those holiday songs Wild Mind style.
To start things off, I suggest that the song, Up On The Housetop, by B.R. Hanby, is not as naively innocent as it appears. Let’s take a look:
Up on the housetop reindeer pause (okay, this is starting to sound weird already. I mean there is the couch, the kitchen, the hot tub and the bedroom, but the rooftop? With reindeer?)
Down thru the chimney with lots of toys 
Out jumps good old Santa Claus (Jumping
All for the little ones, Christmas joys (See! Size does NOT matter.)
Ho, ho, ho! (Wait! Who you callin’ a ho?)
Who wouldn’t go? (Where? To the adult store? I wouldn’t but that’s just me. After all, I thought Santa made home delivery. Isn’t that what this whole reindeer and sleigh thing is about anyway? No, I said reindeer and sleigh, not reindeer and swing…but…wait…now that you mention it…)
Up on the housetop, click, click, click (very delicately stated but sleighs and reindeer don’t click, they creak, they snort, they groan, they…well, never mind, what do I know anyway? I’m not into sleighs and swings, housetops and deer, not much anyway.)
I could go on and on with this song alone. It talks about filling stockings, begging Santa to “fill it well” and even later on talks about whips. It isn’t as innocent a song as one might think. It isn’t the only song of this ilk either. Let’s take a look at some other holiday titles just for fun. We’ve all heard of the popular favorite, Jingle Then, of course, those who are single at Christmas might experience Silver Bells or have a Blue Christmas unless they can figure out a way to Ding Dong Merrily on High (which by the way is a pretty song, but the name? Are you kidding me?) or Rock Around The Christmas Tree with a Boogie Woogie Santa Claus of their own. In that case, someone’s Bells Will Be Ringing. Of course, for those who are desperate for some winter companionship there is always Dominick the Donkey (does it help that he’s Italian?), The Little Drummer Boy, Good King Wenceslas, Frosty the Snowman (though I hear he’s a bit frigid), and Jolly Old St. Nick (just be sure to stock up on the Viagra, just in case). Now, for all my guy friends out there who are seeking female companionship because Baby It’s Cold Outside, I encourage you to consider Jeannette Isabella. I hear she brings a torch with her when she comes. That might make for some Glad Christmas Bells! I also understand that The Sugarplum Fairies put on a good show. I think for the right price, they might even dance. And, men, if you are decent to your date and don’t expect her to go Over the River and Through the Woods, then you might end up being one of the lucky ones Driving Home for Christmas. P.S. If you do try the rooftop, sleigh and reindeer thing, let me know how it goes. I have serious questions about how that’s going to look when you have to explain to the insurance guy how the holes got in the roof and I’m dying to know how you managed to balance the sleigh. I’ve had trouble with those parts myself. 
Down thru the chimney with good Saint Nick (oh, he’s good alright! But, again, what do I know, right?) Balls Bells which accurately depicts the state of affairs (pun intended) after the Chestnuts Have Been Roasting on The Open Fire. Hmmm, nice and tender!
No one should be lonely with companions like these readily available and willing to spread a little Christmas cheer. I would advise you to stay away from Little St. Nick, after, all how much fun is that? Of course, if you are into large group events, then the Parade of The Wooden Soldiers might be more to your liking. 
So, for all out there, however you choose to celebrate, I do hope you hear the Bells of Christmas All Through The Night. After all, everyone needs their own Hard Rock Candy Christmas. And, in all your festivities, whether on couch, in front of the fire, or on the rooftop with Santa in his sleigh, have a Wonderful Christmas Time and Don’t Forget To Feed The Reindeer!
The world will be glad to know that I found a brand new hose that meets all my needs perfectly. It fits, it connects, it moves liquid from one place to the other without breaking off or spilling out. My pump worked beautifully the entire weekend. Life is so good when you have a reliable hose you can count on.
The Wild Mind has been busy the last four days working on getting ready for summer. This readiness involves dealing with the contraption you see here. No, it is not the latest model sex toy (wait, maybe it could be with just a little improvisation).This is a pool filter. It connects to the pool by various hoses similar to the one you see in the picture. There is a hose for outgoing water and a hose that takes in water from the pool to be filtered. My contraption is old. The hoses have not been replaced since I purchased the thing. The contraption and it’s hoses get a great deal of use too, so it is critical that everything is in proper working order. This morning (at times I can be a morning person) when I hooked up the contraption to the pool the hose that connects the skimmer to the pool kept breaking off. In fact, it broke off so many times that by the time I actually started the pump up, it burst again, dousing me. It was now too short to do it’s job properly. There is also another hose on this contraption (wouldn’t you like to have two hoses for just such an emergency?). This second hose connects the pool to the filter (that big bulbous part of the contraption) . This hose was far longer and more flexible than the hose that was splitting and breaking off. I switched the hoses, the pump works beautifully, however that old hose is still an old hose and will within a very short time begin cracking and breaking off from the pool again. This old hose segment needs to be replaced soon.
Online Hose Suppliers or Snake Oil Salesmen?
Kip commented on my last post about Online Hose Suppliers and he cautioned me to be very careful. His comments were valid and my responses lengthy enough that I figured they’d make a decent little post on their own.
Here is what Kip said in his comment on my last post:
And, now my response:
I’m not certain that purchasing something like this online is necessarily a bad deal, though it would require certain additional considerations and many, many precautions. I would never purchase a hose sight unseen. I would insist on the opportunity to see the hose, hold the hose and try all the appropriate functions to ensure the hose and my pump fit well together.
If the hose I needed were in my own backyard, I’d be happily swimming in my blissful pool rather than looking for a quality hose! I can assure you that there really are no quality hose suppliers in my area and I’ve been diligent in seeking them out. You see the emphasis here is on quality. I believe the inner construction and the make up of the hose will determine its usefulness and effectiveness in working with my pump over the long haul. Most hose dealers are supplying hoses that are poorly constructed, made of weak or brittle materials, not long enough or are simply not the right kind of hose for the job. After all, if I’m looking for a hose to attach my pool to my pump, I’m not going to use a garden hose. Garden hoses are not bad and they definitely serve their purpose, but it simply isn’t the kind of hose I’m looking for. Further, you’d be surprised to find out how many local suppliers post a picture of a hose that looks serviceable but then when I go to visit them to see the hose, they present me with a worn, damaged, dirty and defective item. It is disappointing, tiring and I’m not wasting time with any of that! So, I continue on with my search for the best hose for my pump.
As for the getting out there and finding it? Well, I’ve worked tirelessly at this project for some time now. I’m quite willing to do the legwork required to examine the hoses thoroughly, hook them up, and turn them on. It is upon closer examination (before even hooking up) that I usually find defects, flaws, ways that the hose would be incompatible with my pump. When these concerns in hose viability arise, it seems foolish for me to go the next step of hooking up the hose and turning it on. Why waste my time trying to make a hose work when it isn’t a good hose or the right hose? No, I need to be able to see that the hose is the right hose before the hook up and turning on. Once I take that hose home, I can’t expect it to become a different hose. I can’t just see a brand new hose, hook it up and turn it on and hope it works. I just don’t shop that way. I prefer to do my research on each hose carefully and thoughtfully first. Salesmen hate me because I ask a lot of questions and can determine fairly quickly where the inconsistencies lie and where the defects in the hose will be. When I do find that special hose, then and only then will I consider hooking it up and turning it on. After all, not just any hose will do for my pump. I want the best hose! I’m willing to pay well for it, travel the earth shopping for it, and when I get it home I will care for and maintain it well because I really hate hose shopping.