Pondering Life and Still Okay With It

Perspectives about time change as we age.  A day used to be an eternity when I was six.  A year when I was 20, seemed to stretch on forever and a decade was a lifetime.  Now, in my 40’s, I see how quickly the decades pass and how precious time is, whatever time we have, because we can’t really bank on having any of it past the moment we now experience and we can’t change any of the minutes, days or decades that have passed, no matter how much we’d like to.   So, as much as I look back on my life and wish I’d made some very different choices, I have no magic dust that will take me back to the past and help me rework it all.  Even if I could, how would I go back and make some choices different while keeping the people in my life that are the direct result of those choices?  (Now, that’s a movie Hollywood could capitalize on!)  So the only choice left is to make the best of each moment that I have right now, and look hopefully to the future.  Toward that end, I have written this Bucket List of things I hope to do before my end on this earth comes. 

1.  Fall in love for the first and last time.

2.  Enjoy that love truly till death do us part (and not because one or the other of us did the other in).

3.  Travel the world.  I’d at least like to get to Greece, Italy, Australia, New Zealand, Mexico, Switzerland, Germany, France, The British Isles, Spain, Portugal, Canada, and the Carribean.  (If time and money allow, I wouldn’t mind Sweden, Denmark, Norway, Africa and South America.)

4.  Travel the U.S. for a summer and fall in an R.V especially taking in the East Coast and points of U.S. historical interest.  I know the Washington Monument looks nothing like the man, but I’d like to see it in person anyway.

5.  Enjoy one complete day with my children all in my home and without even one sibling sqabble erupting.  (Okay, like what are the chances?)

6.  Live in Portland and be able to afford it and I don’t mean in the suburbs, I mean Portland.  Okay, like this is also going to happen since even with an economic downturn, the housing market there is easily $100,000 more for a comparable house in a comparable neighborhood.  Wait, there are no comparable neighborhoods to my little Suburbia, USA ranch fixer…which is exactly why I like the idea of living in Portland.

7. Oooh, live in San Francisco and be able to afford it.  Not going to happen, but I love dreaming about the idea. 

8.  Fix up the home I am currently living in by doing most of the work myself.  This would require some money which leads to #9.

9.  Get myself out of this post divorce financial quagmire where I’m living paycheck to paycheck and start moving forward, and not just dilly dallying about it either.  Getting some financial savvy here would be a priority.  I’d like to leave no debt, a decent sum of money and not a lot of  hassle for the kids to deal with when the time comes.

9a.  Sell this place and move into something a little less labor and cost intensive. 

10.  Avoid having to work as a Wal Mart Greeter.

11.  Instead, I’d love to be an educational consultant, author, speaker, etc.

12. Get my 38-year-old body back (It was in far better shape than my 28 year old body was) and keep it that way forever.  

13.  Age gracefully.  This will be exceptionally difficult since I’ve never been particularly graceful except when swimming.

14. Learn to cook fine meals without the stress of worrying that I will indeed screw it up.  This means I’d love to be able to take cooking classes and then use what I learn to entertain family, friends, hell, I’d even call in people off the street just to show of my new culinary cleverness. Besides, if I’m going to do #12 & #13 then I can’t eat all that food myself!  It’s no fun anyway.

15.  Go to Powell’s bookstore and shop till I drop, then read every single book I bought.

16.  Pack up my 4×4 and travel around the state taking pictures of the natural beauty of it all.  Kids may or may not attend.  It is cheaper without them, but more fun with. 

17.  Spend the night camping on the beach.  (No, can you believe I’ve never done this one!) I am afraid to do this one alone though for obvious reasons, I think. 

18.  Sheet the mainsails and head for Bermuda with my own personal pirate (just had to throw that one in there).

19.  Go on a cruise. 

20.  Go para-sailing in the Gulf of Mexico

21.  Learn to windsurf.

22.  See my kids grow up relatively healthy, well-adjusted and happy in spite of the trauma of the  last 8 years of their lives.

This is not a conclusive list.  I’ll be adding more to it every so often.