Ask A Dating Coach

I’ve recently been having a small measure of fun on Twitter.  By small measure I mean not very much but some.  Enough to go back each day and read some of the Tweets and on occasion click on some of the links.  The greatest reaction you’d see me give would be one you’d have to be in my mind to hear and that would be a mere, “Hmmm…interesting”.  In all, Twitter is a promotional site as far as I can tell.  It just seems to be a bunch of people promoting themselves…and I’m one of them.  We’ve become a world of self-promoters.  We are now our own best ad agencies.  Sigh.  But that’s not the reason for this post.

On Twitter or….due to my experiences there…I’ve come to realize that people like Hitch are not uncommon.  When I first saw that movie, I thought, “How could anyone seriously make any money doing that?”  Well, not only are there dating coaches out there, they actually seem to be making money doing it.  I haven’t done the research on what the qualifications for a dating coach are or how much they make, but the job position clearly exists and it isn’t like there are just one or two out there.

I sometimes think I could be a dating coach.  After all, I date a lot and I get callbacks.  I make it to the second and third and fourth cuts usually unless I opt out first.  I seem to be doing some things right most of the time.  I learn from my mistakes when I don’t and keep moving on.

Other times I think I could use a dating coach.  Those are the times when I encounter a dating situation that I just don’t have the prior knowledge or the required skillset to be able to negotiate the situation seamlessly and effortlessly.

Now is one of those times. 

Certain events have transpired to create a unique situation for me.  The specifics have me trying to wrap my mind around certain things.

These are the things I am trying to wrap my mind around:

When in a long distance relationship, and you finally meet for the first time, clearly the person isn’t going to travel a great distance for just a two hour date.  In the case of an international relationship, just the ordeal of working out passports, visas, and going through customs indicates a fair amount of commitment to the cause, and one is not going to go to all this trouble for a dinner date one evening.  Right? 

So, my question is, if the guy comes in from out of town for the weekend, or the fortnight is that entire time considered the first date?  Or is just the first evening the first date? 

If the first evening is the first date, and he’s come to town from overseas to see you, then if you “play by the rules” is the third evening he’s in town the third date? There is at least one school of thought that suggests the first date should be only two hours long. So the question then becomes,  is the first two hours you’re together considered the first date? Or is the entire visit considered the first date?  

If the entire time is considered the first date does this then mean he has to come back overseas two more times before it is considered the third date? 

Or, conversely, if the first two hours are considered the first date, then by the sixth hour if you haven’t put out should he be getting on the plane and heading home? If he hasn’t made a move on me by the sixth hour do I figure he’s just not that into me?  What amount of time is appropriate to consider getting romantic, the sixth hour, the sixth day or the sixth overseas trip?  I’m just having a really tough time understanding the rules here.

Does the Third Date Rule even apply here? 

Let’s revisit the thinking that says you shouldn’t spend more than two hours on the first date together.  Let’s play that tape again:  he’s flying in from another continent.  You’ve both planned this trip for months.  He gets off the plane after traveling 22 hours and battling customs.  You tell him two hours after he arrives, “Well, I should be getting home now.  I had a great time.  Thanks for everything!” WTH is up with that? 

Or how bout the idea that says you shouldn’t see each other more than twice a week at first?  Hit stop! Rewind!  Let’s play video back at a slower speed.  He’s traveled 22 hours by plane, battled customs at great expense to come see you for two weeks to see if the two of you have what it takes to develop a viable relationship.  He’s making no expectations and covering all the expenses and all you’re going to give up of yourself and your time is  four hours at two different times each of the two weeks he is in your country?  Ummmm, what about all that sounds gamey, manipulative, contrived and very selfish? 

Now clearly, I’m not necessarily advocating spending 24/7 with him either, but it seems there has to be a bit of a balance here.  It seems that the nature of the Long Distance Relationship, especially when two different cultures and countries and the expenses that are involved requires some special treatment and consideration and flexibility.

If you insist upon going by all those rules, can you see how it just gets very confusing when dealing with a distance relationship? Do you adhere to the letter of the law or the spirit of the law when dealing with a long distance relationship?   (And by long distance, I mean one where you cannot possibly drive to see the person in eight hours or less.)

It seems to me that the spirit of the law is the guide here.  The questions to really be asking are how do you develop and sustain trust across the miles?  How do you deal with technological snags that limit communication and still move the relationship forward? How do you show caring and respect and continue getting to know each other.  How do you take care of you even though you are spending a significant amount of time with another person?  How do you overcome the cultural and social challenges that might come your way?  How do you support and care for each other when you cannot be in the same location?  How do you keep the interest alive when you are spending so much time together during visits and then no time together during non-visits?  How long can this go on before you have to consider ways to close the distance? 

I mean I could be wrong here, but isn’t the challenge in every relationship that of maintaining and caring for who you are while also respecting and caring for the other individual too?  There has to be togetherness as well as space and distance and the two people in question are either able to negotiate this or they can’t. If they can’t it is probably not going to be a go in the first two hours, the first six or on the sixth trip. I could be wrong. 

Maybe I should ask a dating coach.

“The Last Hose Supplier You’ll Ever Need” Responds to My Inquiries

Well, take a look at this!  I’ve received a response from that Online Hose Supplier that I mentioned a post or two back.  To see the earlier correspondences you will have to just scroll through the earlier posts.  I’m too tired and lazy to link them, sorry.  Here’s what that overseas supplier responded with:

Once again I thank you for your inquiry about the range of hoses that may suit your somewhat unique requirements.

Unfortunately I am unable to provide you with pictures of the hose and fittings I referred to in my last correspondance but I can assure you it is unlike any of the previously used hoses you’ve described. I don’t mean to be critical but I think that ,in the past, you have chosen lesser quality and much less reliable equipment than your quite specific requirements deserve.

As a sign of good faith, and to sate your curiosity, I have taken the liberty of arranging for a free 2 week trial of a second hand sample of the product and its associated attachements. Once I have received Customs clearance I will endeavour to ship these to your home address.

As the items mentioned are not new I trust you will handle all items with care.

Please do not hesitate to contact the writer should you require anything further.

He is, it seems, being honest and straightforward about the condition of the hose.  At least he admits the hose is not new.  That’s okay, since new hoses are incompatible with my pump.  My pump is an older model, still in excellent condition, requires little mechanical maintenace, and performs better than many of the newer models, however, the newer hoses just don’t seem to have the staying power my pump requires.  THS is also willing to provide a two week free trial.  He must be confident of his product or his salesmanship, or maybe both.

This brings up a few questions though.  Like, how free is free?  What is the small print?  Better yet, is there anything written in invisible ink I should be aware of?  What I’m most curious about is the “associated attachments”.  Sounds like there might be more to the bargain than a mere hose.

Online Hose Suppliers or Snake Oil Salesmen?

Kip commented on my last post about Online Hose Suppliers and he cautioned me to be very careful.  His comments were valid and my responses lengthy enough that I figured they’d make a decent little post on their own. 

Here is what Kip said in his comment on my last post:

Be wary of would-be hose suppliers who promise the moon; they tend to be in the same class as snake oil salesmen. And let’s face it, they can tell you anything and show you any kind of pictures they want on the internet. There are some things you just shouldn’t purchase online, and this is one of them. You need to see that hose in the flesh and hold it in your hand, make sure it connects properly and produces a healthy flow when turned on. As they say: think globally but act locally! The hose you need may be in your own backyard. So get out there and find it: examine it well, hook it up and turn it on! Don’t despair that you haven’t found it yet. If you have faith in it, it will come!

 And, now my response:

I’m not certain that purchasing something like this online is necessarily a bad deal, though it would require certain additional considerations and many, many precautions.  I would never purchase a hose sight unseen.  I would insist on the opportunity to see the hose, hold the hose and try all the appropriate functions to ensure the hose and my pump fit well together.

 If the hose I needed were in my own backyard, I’d be happily swimming in my blissful pool rather than looking for a quality hose!  I can assure you that there really are no quality hose suppliers in my area and I’ve been diligent in seeking them out.  You see the emphasis here is on quality.  I believe the inner construction and the make up of the hose will determine its usefulness and effectiveness in working with my pump over the long haul.  Most hose dealers are supplying hoses that are poorly constructed, made of weak or brittle materials, not long enough or are simply not the right kind of hose for the job.  After all, if I’m looking for a hose to attach my pool to my pump, I’m not going to use a garden hose.  Garden hoses are not bad and they definitely serve their purpose, but it simply isn’t the kind of hose I’m looking for.  Further, you’d be surprised to find out how many local suppliers post a picture of a hose that looks serviceable but then when I go to visit them to see the hose, they present me with a worn, damaged, dirty and defective item.  It is disappointing, tiring and I’m not wasting time with any of that!  So, I continue on with my search for the best hose for my pump.

 As for the getting out there and finding it?  Well, I’ve worked tirelessly at this project for some time now.  I’m quite willing to do the legwork required to examine the hoses thoroughly, hook them up, and turn them on.  It is upon closer examination (before even hooking up)  that I usually find defects, flaws, ways that the hose would be incompatible with my pump.  When these concerns in hose viability arise, it seems foolish for me to go the next step of hooking up the hose and turning it on.  Why waste my time trying to make a hose work when it isn’t a good hose or the right hose?  No, I need to be able to see that the hose is the right hose before the hook up and turning on.  Once I take that hose home, I can’t expect it to become a different hose.  I can’t just see a brand new hose, hook it up and turn it on and hope it works. I just don’t shop that way.  I prefer to do my research on each hose carefully and thoughtfully first.  Salesmen hate me because I ask a lot of questions and can determine fairly quickly where the inconsistencies lie and where the defects in the hose will be.  When I do find that special hose, then and only then will I consider hooking it up and turning it on.  After all, not just any hose will do for my pump.  I want the best hose!  I’m willing to pay well for it, travel the earth shopping for it, and when I get it home I will care for and maintain it well because I really hate hose shopping.

Summer Preparations–Lessons Learned

The Wild Mind has been busy the last four days working on getting ready for summer.  This readiness involves dealing with the contraption you see here.  No, it is not the latest model sex toy (wait, maybe it could be with just a little improvisation).This is a pool filter.  It connects to the pool by various hoses similar to the one you see in the picture.  There is a hose for outgoing water and a hose that takes in water from the pool to be filtered.  My contraption is old.  The hoses have not been replaced since I purchased the thing.  The contraption and it’s hoses get a great deal of use too, so it is critical that everything is in proper working order.  This morning (at times I can be a morning person) when I hooked up the contraption to the pool the hose that connects the skimmer to the pool kept breaking off.  In fact, it broke off so many times that by the time I actually started the pump up, it burst again, dousing me.  It was now too short to do it’s job properly.  There is also another hose on this contraption (wouldn’t you like to have two hoses for just such an emergency?). This second hose connects the pool to the filter (that big bulbous part of the contraption) .  This hose was far longer and more flexible than the hose that was splitting and breaking off.  I switched the hoses, the pump works beautifully, however that old hose is still an old hose and will within a very short time begin cracking and breaking off from the pool again.  This old hose segment needs to be replaced soon.

Six lessons learned for The Wild Mind: (no, I did not say “Sex Lessons Learned by The Wild Mind! Sheesh!)

1.  Old hoses will eventually need to be replaced when they are unable to perform the task they were designed for.

2.  Old hoses that remain long and flexible are far more useful for a far longer period of time.

3.  Old hoses that break off and become too short are worthless.

4. Hoses that spray stuff everywhere except the appropriate destination are annoying!

5.  Maybe there are times when having a spare hose around is a good thing?

6.  The Wild Mind really, seriously needs a new hose!  (Wait, I think anyone who’s been reading this blog for any length of time has already figured that out!)

Now where to find a decent, lengthy, flexible hose that will go the distance even after a tremendous amount of use?  Hmmmm.

Taking Responsibility!

A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action, not reaction. – Rita Mae Brown

That’s it!  I’m taking responsibility!  I admit it!  I did write my last post about chickens.  Some may have perceived it as disrespectful to chickens.  Some might even believed that I speak disrespectfully about chickens in front of my children and that this makes me a poor parent.  I also feed my children chicken and sometimes eggs!  Now, I know that there are those out there who disagree intensely with this approach to parenting.  There are those who think children should not be fed chicken or eggs and that by even mentioning it here on this blog I’m a wicked vile person.  I don’t know, maybe they were a chicken themselves in a former life and therefore they take my approach to all things chicken as a personal affront. 

I can’t take responsibility for their issues.  All I can say is I did write that last post about chickens. 

Furthermore, I’m not going to allow myself to live a life of reaction. I’m not, I tell you, not going to stop writing about chickens (or anything else I want to write about in any way I choose to write about it)  just because a few, who presume to know me, but really don’t,  malign me for doing so.  In fact, just to prove my integrity I’m going to post pictures of chickens.  I want to do it, so I am!  If this is too painful for you, feel free to click off!

Here we go.  This is Chicken Youth. Hopeful, cheerful, always outgoing.  Loves to learn new things, especially how to be a good little pecker.

 

 

 

 

 

This is Kelly Rooster.  He’s a handsome and proud cock.  However, he treated his last wife a little fowl.  He’s single and not in a relationship yet…but I dare say he soon will be. He might be in several simultaneously.  He is a fowl, skanky bird.

 

 

 

 This is the poster art for the new movie, “Poultrygeist”.  I haven’t seen the trailer for it, but I hear there are a bunch of sexy chicks and hot cocks running around killing each other and basically screwing up the set.

 

 

 

The chicken below was on the front page of our local paper last year.  Apparently, this chicken went postal!  Caused a lot of damage, as you can see, to the mailbox there.  They caught him in the act.  He plead guilty.  Now he’s cooped up in the state pen forever. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 The chickens pictured to the right are petrified.  They were discovered on a dig a friend of mine went on last summer as a part of his graduate research.  He has a lot of pull so he was able to bring these back.  Don’t they look good for being buried beneath the earth for a kazillion years? I think this proves which came first.  They’ve yet to find any chicken remains that date older than these eggs.

This concludes my chicken activism for today.  There, I’ve taken responsibility for the last post I wrote and I’ve taken action by allowing the negative comments in prior chicken posts to deter me from writing about a subject of my own choosing. 

I do feel better now…and maybe…just maybe I can let this chicken obsession go forever.

You Know The Honeymoon Is Over When…

Seriously, you know the honeymoon is over when life with your significant other begins to feel less like fireworks and more like you have a “Bear In There”.

Bear In There by Shel Silverstein

There’s a Polar Bear
In our Frigidaire–
He likes it ’cause it’s cold in there.
With his seat in the meat
And his face in the fish
And his big hairy paws
In the buttery dish,
He’s nibbling the noodles,
He’s munching the rice,
He’s slurping the soda,
He’s licking the ice.
And he lets out a roar
If you open the door.
And it gives me a scare
To know he’s in there–
That Polary Bear
In our Fridgitydaire.

Just something to think about.    There are so many places I could go with this, but I’ll just let you think about it…for now. 

The Tool To Have On Hand

Now, here’s a tool everyone needs.  The Rubber Finger Tip.  Yep.  Good for what ails you or her.  They even come in bulk quantities so you never have to go searching for where you left it last time you used it.  I mean, really, look at the texture on those babies!  Run out today and get yourself a box.  You’ll be glad you did.

Craziness Getting Worse!!!

Okay, a brief break from the silliness to get a tiny bit real.  So much has happened this week I can’t even begin to sort it out without laying it all out and then coming back to it later.

First, signed up on an online dating site last night (DO NOT even ask me why!).  I had a post written about this bizarre thing I did and why, but other things pre-empted that and so that post will be showing up tomorrow probably.

I now have enough material based on the events in my life in the last two days to keep me writing for at least a week without having to resort to Youtube videos, unless, of course, I get bombarded by hate mail (read the likes of The Ghost) which really just makes any kind of self-disclosure or personal introspection an exercise in futility.  Then I may have to either get back in said person’s face big time or chill with the Youtubes again for a bit.

On the Romance front, (read even as the Beau was bidding adieu…hahahaha!) I’ve fallen in love, gotten over it…I think…and had a past relationship (if you could call it that) reenter the picture, though not in any serious kind of way.  However, the fact that we both met tonight for drinks (well I had one and he had water), after a year and a half, was fairly astounding by itself.  But I only categorize that in romance because that’s where it started.  It is sooo not there for me now.

My oldest was awarded some big money from a fairly big name university and even though it isn’t located on the East Coast like she wants it is big money to a reputable institution which will probably be her meal ticket to any grad school she wants to go to for Law or Poly Sci or Journalism.  This is most definitely big news for us.

Finally, the ex got married at a little drive thru chapel this week in Las Vegas.  My youngest,  who is his daughter,  has met this person one time.  This person she must now relate to as “Step Mom”. You can read about how I feel about that in more detail here.

So you can look forward to the following posts in the near future:

• My thoughts about why on earth I even signed up on an online dating site when, after 1 day and over 20+  very uninteresting emails in my inbox, I still am just not into it, but why maybe I feel I should be?
• My experiences with Rampant Monkey Sex Man and his re-entering the stage of my life after over a year of no communication.
• and maybe even a bunch more silliness about how women view tools differently than men do…or something.  
• I might even make a bra out of men’s underwear and model it online, but don’t hold your breath. 

In any event, it might be completely possible that one day soon I post nothing  just because I need a night off…but that would ruin the writing streak I have going, so don’t hold your breath on that one either.

Finally, I Found An Uber-Skilled Handy Man!!!

Seriously?  Check this out!  If this guy can really use his tools the way he’s demonstrating here I’ll bet things never get dull in the home repair department.  I want him to marry me and have my next four children!!!!  (Oh, man!  I so know I am going to dream about him tonight! Not the thing to be watching  or blogging about just before bedtime!)

Marketing 101 — My How Times Have Changed

I don’t know about you but I don’t recall analyzing ads like these for their effectiveness during my marketing classes.