Have You Ever Noticed?

Okay, so I’m kind of going through a list making phase as prompts for my creative thinking ventures.  The list of the day for me is…

Have You Ever Noticed….

…how if a guy is really into something say football or biking or quads or Nascar and a girl is really into that guy she’ll try to get into whatever he’s into but it doesn’t usually work the other way around?

…how it used to be looked down on to be a stay-at-home mom and now if a woman makes that choice it is more accepted?

…how when you’re in a funk you have to spend some time dealing with it and many times after the funk is over you regret the time you wasted?

…how life can turn on a dime?  Things are rolling right along quite nicely, then the smallest thing happens and it feels like you’ve been thrown into a brick wall at a 100 miles an hour with no protective gear.

…how socks go into the laundry with a perfect match but come out as a single.  Moral of this story?  Lovers should never do laundry together.

…how you can show a kid how to do something a million times and they never get it right…till they move out on their own and get their own place, then suddenly they understand how to do it perfectly.

…how the garbage man has a great job?  He gets to drive around in the big cushy truck all day, never touching the garbage, he gets paid good money and he doesn’t have to take work home with him.

…how most single working moms wish they had a wife who would cook dinner for them and help with the bedtime and bath routine and taxi jobs at the end of the day?

…how when you go to a new medical care provider filling out the form once is not enough, they then have to get a copy of the form, and then you have to go to the inner office where they punch all the same stuff into the computer again. And forget about if you are referred to another provider!

…how kids think they can convince you they aren’t lying by vehemently defending their untruth even though you saw with your own eyes otherwise.  “I didn’t hit her!”  “Uh, excuse me?  I just saw your fist windup and let ‘er fly and land right in her arm!” 

…how you never really crave a particular food (like bread or  pasta) till you decide to cut back on it, then you can’t get enough of it and this is before you’ve even actually started cutting back?!

…how lists like this can be really fun or really tedious or both.  Guess that must mean it is time to end this one…unless, of course…you have something to add?

Decadently Evil Little Pleasures

I am generally a very self controlled person.  There are certain things that cause me to lose complete control and because of this it is best that I stay far, far away from them.  Some of them I just can’t get near because if I do I won’t stop indulging and others I know I can handle but only in limit quantities otherwise the result can be disastrous.  I was going to title this post “Vices”, but then I wondered if the word “Addictions” might be more accurate.  The Urban Dictionary defines a vice a “pleasurable evil” (Urban Dictionary, 2009).  It defines addiction as a habit you can’t quit (Urban Dictionary, 2009).  Using these definitions then, the following is a list of  The Wild Mind’s Vices (since none of the following items are habits I can’t quit).

The first thing I know I should never put in the grocery cart, because if I do it won’t make it home before I’ve devoured it is this:

I love this popcorn.  Regifting Friend turned me onto it earlier this year.  Of course, she can afford to eat this stuff by the truckload, which she doesn’t because she has amazing control.  I, on the other hand, do not have that kind of control where this delicacy is concerned and I can’t afford to eat it.  At least, not in the quantities that I prefer to eat it.  Boo!  I literally can eat an entire bag of this, the family size bag, no less, in about twenty seconds if left alone. My kids know not to get between me and a bag of White Cheddar Popcorn.  This food, in spite of it’s healthy name, is packed with calories and not so great for the backflab, muffin top, buttock or saddlebags, unless you are trying to achieve quantity and size in each of those domains.  While, I’m not trying out for America’s Next Top Model any time soon, and while I also don’t want to sacrifice an occasional taste sensation in an effort to be my best self, I totally go over the top on this one.  It, like alcohol, for some is something I can’t even have one taste of or I’m doomed.  I think it goes beyond a vice. 

It’s become an uncontrollable addiction.   I simply can’t put this product on my shopping list anymore, not till I’ve put in considerable time a SmartFoods Anonymous, that’s for sure.

 

 

My next big vice is this little treat:

Seriously? A 100 calorie candy bar?  Who would eat just one of those?  Not me.  Just better not even get me started.   I absolutely dread Halloween because of this candy bar.  It is my favorite!  I especially like to peel off the hard outer chocolate, eat that first then devour the inner creamy whipped chocolate.  Yuuuuuuuummmmmmm!  I could and have made myself sick on these.  I have a Treasure Box in my classroom that I used as an incentive.  I long since learned that if I stock that Treasure Box with this treat, the kids will get none of it and my bathroom scale at home will read “DOUBLE EXTRA FAT” in no time.  Not that I have anything against fat, but when it goes way beyond what is even remotely healthy for me and when the candy begins supplanting the vegetables, then I’d say enjoyment of an occasional good thing has turned once again into and uncontrollable addiction.  I just can’t go near this one.  Do not give it to me in my Christmas stocking.  I will eat it in two seconds without pausing for breath before I’m done.  It’s not an attractive thing to watch.

The third but not final vice is this morsel:

This one is also especially prevalent and troublesome at Halloween.  I also cannot have it anywhere near me, for obvious reasons.  However, out of site out of mind.  It isn’t like I ever crave these two candies enough to hop in the car and go buy a bunch and I never cave to the impulse by in the supermarket line, so it’s all good.

 

 I have to be very careful at birthday parties for this reason:

 

 

 

I prefer cake over pie any day of the week.  But only if the cake is really moist and the frosting isn’t that fake sugary kind that tastes and feels like someone added sugar to Crisco and spread it on.  My true love is white cake but a really good chocolate cake can’t be beat either.

 

 

 

If I have to go out to eat, I must stay away from this heart-stopper (literally speaking):

 

 I don’t often do fast food of any kind, because when I do I end up with a massive headache and a serious intestinal revolt.  French fries are my weakness though and especially these kind if not overcooked.  I smell these and I gain weight. If I eat them I’m doing time at the gym for the next three years.

 

 

 

Solid foods are not the only source of decadence I enjoy way too much.  Certain beverages have a way of tempting me beyond control too.  Fortunately, I know my limits.  Trespassing beyond them will not bode well for me as you can imagine. 

 

The Long Island Ice Tea is my signature cocktail.  Some people add sugar.  I prefer it without.  My limit is two.  Three and I have a headache the next day.  Four and I’m guaranteed some time in prayer to the porcelain god begging for forgiveness from the error of my ways, or at least, my judgement. In the case of this little treat, more is not necessarily merrier.  I’ve learned that one the hard way.

 

 

 If wine is on the menu, here’s one I can drink like it’s soda pop:

 I’ve learned that a friend and I can share a bottle like this and it works out to two glasses each.  Sadly, in the early days after my divorce, I learned that I can down a whole bottle of this (that’s all four glasses to myself folks) and feel no ill effects in the morning if I take three ibuprofen, some Valerian Root and lots of water before heading to bed.  No headache, no hangover.  But really?  What’s the point there?  I like this particular brand of Reisling but it no longer has the draw that it once did.  It certainly isn’t in the form of an addiction, certainly not to the level of the White Cheddar Popcorn because I can keep a bottle of this on hand for several days before cracking it open.  The popcorn rarely makes it home since I’ve usually scarfed it down in car on the way back home.

  My daughter turned me on to this one recently:

 

Of course, the Strawberries and Creme Frappucinos are way too expensive for a single mom of four living on a budget to indulge in routinely , so this qualifies neither as a vice nor an addiction, but lands firmly in the once-a-year treat category.

 

So, whether they are really addictions (I think not) or merely vices, is open for interpretation.  These are the yummy little pleasures that for me spell disaster if I consume them with the fervor and enthusiasm that I’d really like to be able to.  Everyone has an evil little food pleasure, don’t they?  That one thing that if it weren’t for every shred of restraint we’d lose complete control over.  Some of us (read, I) have more than one.  What are some of  your decadently evil little food pleasures?

Will Men Become Obsolete?

Articles like “Will Y Chromosome Go Bye-Bye?” really get me thinking.  Actually, articles like this give me a headache.  My ADD tendencies just want to go crazy with this one  by tossing out ideas and questions without the discipline to think clearly and follow any to their logical and usually flawed conclusions.  Add to this that my multiple personalities begin arguing amongst each other as  to who is correct and you have a migraine that requires a month’s supply of codeine to put down. Even so, the article is interesting and in spite of the headache I’m going to attempt to deal with this one in some fashion. 

In the most simplistic analysis the article discusses the discovery that Chromosome Y (the chromosome responsible for everything male including the reproductive paraphernalia that men sport in one particular area of their bodies) is losing genes at a far faster rate than the X chromosome is.  That’s alarming! 

One I instantly thinks thought, “So that’s how God has planned the end of the world!  He’s just going to eliminate men on a gradual basis so we all think it is evolution!  One day it will be a world without men, no sex, no babies, no further human race once all the women die out.”

Okay, other than being over the top silly (remember what I said earlier about “flawed conclusions”) this just not going to happen for so many reasons. 

The first reason is that we now have the technology to reproduce human beings without either of the two biological parents being present.  All we really need is a few well maintained cells and a warm healthy uterus.  No men needed if the sperm bank’s accounts are full.  For some of us, “No Men = No Problems” so this kind of existence would be a welcome one and as near a Utopia as one could want.  I personally, have a difficult enough time dealing with three females in the same household at a certain time of the month, I can’t imagine an entire female only planet.  If nothing else, men are at least different if completely incomprehensible and often smelly.  They at least add comic relief to our world.

Oh and don’t go all funny on me here and say “Well, without men how would we have and enjoy sex?”  Peeps!  Do NOT even go there! No!  Not with modern technology and alternative lifestyles.  It is simply not a discussion that needs to happen. Women have gotten around this one for ages. 

The article stated that evolution favors survival.  It also stated that the genes the Y chromosome is losing are genes that are no longer needed.  The evolutionary process and all, I guess.  If we consider that as our daily existence changes over time and that existence impacts the human body, how it operates, functions, survives, deals with the changing environment then, okay, the genes that make up that body must necessarily change or adapt over time.  The ones that aren’t needed go bye-bye and other ones stay.  Whatever.  What would interest me would be knowing which genes exactly are disappearing and what they were specifically responsible for in men. 

Like, I wonder, is intelligence implicated here? Or is the gene for discussing bowling, fishing and hunting and the best brand of chew or microbrew replicating itself in exponential proportions?  Personally, if science wants to contribute to humanity it should make the Nascar gene  disappear. 

Is courage and the ability to walk up to a woman and ask her out on a date implicated or has that gene been lost?  Now all men are able to do is give out a number and hope a woman calls or tell her, “Hey, when you get some time and want to do something call me!”  If that gene hasn’t been lost, I suspect it is disappearing.

I suspect that over time, with the overwhelming aversion to body hair continuing into the next several centuries we might see the body hair gene disappear in both sexes.  That would save so much time in the shower and pain at the spa!  Maybe science can figure out a way to speed that process up a bit. 

What I really believe is going on here is that the human body, like everything else in our world is downsizing.  It, like the rest of the world, is moving toward a simpler more efficient existence.  Therefore, to adapt to this more efficient world the irrelevant is being discarded and the human body is simply adapting. 

Simply put, men are already obsolete and evolution is just cleaning up the riff raff. 

Something to think about anyway.

Ask A Dating Coach

I’ve recently been having a small measure of fun on Twitter.  By small measure I mean not very much but some.  Enough to go back each day and read some of the Tweets and on occasion click on some of the links.  The greatest reaction you’d see me give would be one you’d have to be in my mind to hear and that would be a mere, “Hmmm…interesting”.  In all, Twitter is a promotional site as far as I can tell.  It just seems to be a bunch of people promoting themselves…and I’m one of them.  We’ve become a world of self-promoters.  We are now our own best ad agencies.  Sigh.  But that’s not the reason for this post.

On Twitter or….due to my experiences there…I’ve come to realize that people like Hitch are not uncommon.  When I first saw that movie, I thought, “How could anyone seriously make any money doing that?”  Well, not only are there dating coaches out there, they actually seem to be making money doing it.  I haven’t done the research on what the qualifications for a dating coach are or how much they make, but the job position clearly exists and it isn’t like there are just one or two out there.

I sometimes think I could be a dating coach.  After all, I date a lot and I get callbacks.  I make it to the second and third and fourth cuts usually unless I opt out first.  I seem to be doing some things right most of the time.  I learn from my mistakes when I don’t and keep moving on.

Other times I think I could use a dating coach.  Those are the times when I encounter a dating situation that I just don’t have the prior knowledge or the required skillset to be able to negotiate the situation seamlessly and effortlessly.

Now is one of those times. 

Certain events have transpired to create a unique situation for me.  The specifics have me trying to wrap my mind around certain things.

These are the things I am trying to wrap my mind around:

When in a long distance relationship, and you finally meet for the first time, clearly the person isn’t going to travel a great distance for just a two hour date.  In the case of an international relationship, just the ordeal of working out passports, visas, and going through customs indicates a fair amount of commitment to the cause, and one is not going to go to all this trouble for a dinner date one evening.  Right? 

So, my question is, if the guy comes in from out of town for the weekend, or the fortnight is that entire time considered the first date?  Or is just the first evening the first date? 

If the first evening is the first date, and he’s come to town from overseas to see you, then if you “play by the rules” is the third evening he’s in town the third date? There is at least one school of thought that suggests the first date should be only two hours long. So the question then becomes,  is the first two hours you’re together considered the first date? Or is the entire visit considered the first date?  

If the entire time is considered the first date does this then mean he has to come back overseas two more times before it is considered the third date? 

Or, conversely, if the first two hours are considered the first date, then by the sixth hour if you haven’t put out should he be getting on the plane and heading home? If he hasn’t made a move on me by the sixth hour do I figure he’s just not that into me?  What amount of time is appropriate to consider getting romantic, the sixth hour, the sixth day or the sixth overseas trip?  I’m just having a really tough time understanding the rules here.

Does the Third Date Rule even apply here? 

Let’s revisit the thinking that says you shouldn’t spend more than two hours on the first date together.  Let’s play that tape again:  he’s flying in from another continent.  You’ve both planned this trip for months.  He gets off the plane after traveling 22 hours and battling customs.  You tell him two hours after he arrives, “Well, I should be getting home now.  I had a great time.  Thanks for everything!” WTH is up with that? 

Or how bout the idea that says you shouldn’t see each other more than twice a week at first?  Hit stop! Rewind!  Let’s play video back at a slower speed.  He’s traveled 22 hours by plane, battled customs at great expense to come see you for two weeks to see if the two of you have what it takes to develop a viable relationship.  He’s making no expectations and covering all the expenses and all you’re going to give up of yourself and your time is  four hours at two different times each of the two weeks he is in your country?  Ummmm, what about all that sounds gamey, manipulative, contrived and very selfish? 

Now clearly, I’m not necessarily advocating spending 24/7 with him either, but it seems there has to be a bit of a balance here.  It seems that the nature of the Long Distance Relationship, especially when two different cultures and countries and the expenses that are involved requires some special treatment and consideration and flexibility.

If you insist upon going by all those rules, can you see how it just gets very confusing when dealing with a distance relationship? Do you adhere to the letter of the law or the spirit of the law when dealing with a long distance relationship?   (And by long distance, I mean one where you cannot possibly drive to see the person in eight hours or less.)

It seems to me that the spirit of the law is the guide here.  The questions to really be asking are how do you develop and sustain trust across the miles?  How do you deal with technological snags that limit communication and still move the relationship forward? How do you show caring and respect and continue getting to know each other.  How do you take care of you even though you are spending a significant amount of time with another person?  How do you overcome the cultural and social challenges that might come your way?  How do you support and care for each other when you cannot be in the same location?  How do you keep the interest alive when you are spending so much time together during visits and then no time together during non-visits?  How long can this go on before you have to consider ways to close the distance? 

I mean I could be wrong here, but isn’t the challenge in every relationship that of maintaining and caring for who you are while also respecting and caring for the other individual too?  There has to be togetherness as well as space and distance and the two people in question are either able to negotiate this or they can’t. If they can’t it is probably not going to be a go in the first two hours, the first six or on the sixth trip. I could be wrong. 

Maybe I should ask a dating coach.

“The Last Hose Supplier You’ll Ever Need” Responds to My Inquiries

Well, take a look at this!  I’ve received a response from that Online Hose Supplier that I mentioned a post or two back.  To see the earlier correspondences you will have to just scroll through the earlier posts.  I’m too tired and lazy to link them, sorry.  Here’s what that overseas supplier responded with:

Once again I thank you for your inquiry about the range of hoses that may suit your somewhat unique requirements.

Unfortunately I am unable to provide you with pictures of the hose and fittings I referred to in my last correspondance but I can assure you it is unlike any of the previously used hoses you’ve described. I don’t mean to be critical but I think that ,in the past, you have chosen lesser quality and much less reliable equipment than your quite specific requirements deserve.

As a sign of good faith, and to sate your curiosity, I have taken the liberty of arranging for a free 2 week trial of a second hand sample of the product and its associated attachements. Once I have received Customs clearance I will endeavour to ship these to your home address.

As the items mentioned are not new I trust you will handle all items with care.

Please do not hesitate to contact the writer should you require anything further.

He is, it seems, being honest and straightforward about the condition of the hose.  At least he admits the hose is not new.  That’s okay, since new hoses are incompatible with my pump.  My pump is an older model, still in excellent condition, requires little mechanical maintenace, and performs better than many of the newer models, however, the newer hoses just don’t seem to have the staying power my pump requires.  THS is also willing to provide a two week free trial.  He must be confident of his product or his salesmanship, or maybe both.

This brings up a few questions though.  Like, how free is free?  What is the small print?  Better yet, is there anything written in invisible ink I should be aware of?  What I’m most curious about is the “associated attachments”.  Sounds like there might be more to the bargain than a mere hose.

Online Hose Suppliers or Snake Oil Salesmen?

Kip commented on my last post about Online Hose Suppliers and he cautioned me to be very careful.  His comments were valid and my responses lengthy enough that I figured they’d make a decent little post on their own. 

Here is what Kip said in his comment on my last post:

Be wary of would-be hose suppliers who promise the moon; they tend to be in the same class as snake oil salesmen. And let’s face it, they can tell you anything and show you any kind of pictures they want on the internet. There are some things you just shouldn’t purchase online, and this is one of them. You need to see that hose in the flesh and hold it in your hand, make sure it connects properly and produces a healthy flow when turned on. As they say: think globally but act locally! The hose you need may be in your own backyard. So get out there and find it: examine it well, hook it up and turn it on! Don’t despair that you haven’t found it yet. If you have faith in it, it will come!

 And, now my response:

I’m not certain that purchasing something like this online is necessarily a bad deal, though it would require certain additional considerations and many, many precautions.  I would never purchase a hose sight unseen.  I would insist on the opportunity to see the hose, hold the hose and try all the appropriate functions to ensure the hose and my pump fit well together.

 If the hose I needed were in my own backyard, I’d be happily swimming in my blissful pool rather than looking for a quality hose!  I can assure you that there really are no quality hose suppliers in my area and I’ve been diligent in seeking them out.  You see the emphasis here is on quality.  I believe the inner construction and the make up of the hose will determine its usefulness and effectiveness in working with my pump over the long haul.  Most hose dealers are supplying hoses that are poorly constructed, made of weak or brittle materials, not long enough or are simply not the right kind of hose for the job.  After all, if I’m looking for a hose to attach my pool to my pump, I’m not going to use a garden hose.  Garden hoses are not bad and they definitely serve their purpose, but it simply isn’t the kind of hose I’m looking for.  Further, you’d be surprised to find out how many local suppliers post a picture of a hose that looks serviceable but then when I go to visit them to see the hose, they present me with a worn, damaged, dirty and defective item.  It is disappointing, tiring and I’m not wasting time with any of that!  So, I continue on with my search for the best hose for my pump.

 As for the getting out there and finding it?  Well, I’ve worked tirelessly at this project for some time now.  I’m quite willing to do the legwork required to examine the hoses thoroughly, hook them up, and turn them on.  It is upon closer examination (before even hooking up)  that I usually find defects, flaws, ways that the hose would be incompatible with my pump.  When these concerns in hose viability arise, it seems foolish for me to go the next step of hooking up the hose and turning it on.  Why waste my time trying to make a hose work when it isn’t a good hose or the right hose?  No, I need to be able to see that the hose is the right hose before the hook up and turning on.  Once I take that hose home, I can’t expect it to become a different hose.  I can’t just see a brand new hose, hook it up and turn it on and hope it works. I just don’t shop that way.  I prefer to do my research on each hose carefully and thoughtfully first.  Salesmen hate me because I ask a lot of questions and can determine fairly quickly where the inconsistencies lie and where the defects in the hose will be.  When I do find that special hose, then and only then will I consider hooking it up and turning it on.  After all, not just any hose will do for my pump.  I want the best hose!  I’m willing to pay well for it, travel the earth shopping for it, and when I get it home I will care for and maintain it well because I really hate hose shopping.

This Just In: The Wild Mind Finds A New Hose!

The world will be glad to know that I found a brand new hose that meets all my needs perfectly.  It fits, it connects, it moves liquid from one place to the other without breaking off or spilling out.  My pump worked beautifully the entire weekend.  Life is so good when you have a reliable hose you can count on.

Worthless Hose!!!!

The Old Worthless Hose

Just as I predicted in my last post, that worthless old hose gave way today. When I drove in the driveway after an errand tonight, I was anticipating a fun frolic in my backyard pool.  Instead, I noticed a flood of water streaming down the neighbor’s driveway.  I knew it had to be hose failure on my filter since the neighbors do not water their lawn. 

There is nothing so frustrating, disappointing and infuriating as hose failure at a time when you are so anticipating and relying upon the pleasure that hose will bring if it actually does what it is designed to do.  But timing is everything!  My hose failed just as I was anticipating a lovely evening swim.  The filter now cannot do it’s job properly and the pool has lost 4 inches of water in just a few moments. 

The New Longer Flexible Hose! Ahhh!

The hose spurted water in every direction completely flooding an entire area of my yard and my neighbor’s yard.  I did not receive the relaxing, enjoyable experience of activity in my pool.  Instead, I had to wait. 

Now I am tense, crabby, irritated and actively searching for a longer flexible new hose!  Breaking off and spilling out so do not work for me!

What Type Of Mr. Right?

I was out with a friend the other day for lunch.  She was sharing pictures of the home she and her husband just purchased and are fixing up.  As she showed me the pictures on her iPhone, I was impressed with the before and after scenes and how much work they’ve done in such a short time.  When I questioned her about how she and her husband accomplished it all, I received a wonderful loving description of her husband and all the things he did seemingly effortlessly on this home.  She concluded her praise of him with the words, “He totally puts Husband For Hire to shame!”  I thought this was especially touching since these two are past the honeymoon stage, have been together over 7 years, and are very much still “in love”. 

 Her words got me thinking.

First, the relationship she has with her husband is a rare thing.  In many ways, what she and her husband model for me (generally, not necessarily specifically) what I hope to have.  The key thing they share is a deep, abiding, mutual admiration and respect and love for each other.  They also both have their independent lives. 

Further, as a single mom who has no skills in home repair and who has no money to hire it done, I know how valuable a man with home repair skills is.  I also realize that there are many valuable ways people can contribute to a significant relationship. I was originally going to title this post “Two Kinds of Men” because I was thinking of the handyman and the guy who is not handy, but the more I considered the topic the more I realized there are more than just two kinds of men and far more than two ways to contribute to a relationship.  For fun, I came up with a few categories using broad brush strokes, I admit, that men can fall into.  You may be able to think of more.  In fact, I hope you do.  Leave your ideas in a comment or write your own post and link to me. That would be great fun!   Don’t worry, peeps.  I am working on a post about different types of women too,  but since men interest me more than women do, it was easier to start here.  Enjoy!

 1.  The Handy Man.  This guy can fix, build or renovate anything.  You’ll never need to hire a repairman because even if you did The Handy Man could do it better and for less.  He has all the tools and knows how to use them.  If you find a guy like this, you’ll be able to have the home improvement jobs completed to your specifications every time.  You might have to get used to some unfinished projects around the house as the norm rather than the exception. This kind of guy is amazing and if you find yourself with someone like this, spoil him immensely.  He will build you a mansion of love from his own bare hands.

 2.  The Manager.  This guy isn’t handy, but he isn’t okay with things being in disrepair either.  He’s a conscientious sort who is willing to part with some money on occasion to make sure everything is looking great and in perfect working condition.  He makes enough money to be able to pay to put in that slider out the master bedroom onto that redwood deck with a pergola and a hot tub which he also paid to have done. He is too busy making money so he can keep his love and his family in the manner in which he is proud to keep them.  While he won’t hang the Christmas tree lights, he won’t leave it to his wife to do it.  He’ll hire the Christmas Tree Light Hanger Person to come and make sure that every little light is perfectly spaced and straight and lit. If you find yourself with a guy like this, you are just as fortunate as if you were with The Handy Man.  Guy Who Can Hire It Done is so responsible that he won’t let you down.  He’s so detail oriented that he won’t let whoever he hires get by with doing a sloppy job.  If you are with him, spoil him.  He is proud of what he can give and do for you and the family.  Appreciate it all and it will come back to you in spades or probably diamonds.

 3.  The Non Man.  The Non Man cannot do home repairs, he doesn’t make enough to make sure that the repairs are kept up around the house by a repairman and he doesn’t care. He’s a fun person, lives for the moment and could care less about responsibility. He’s great in bed, keeps his body in shape and looks and acts eternally 35 even though he may have left his 50’s behind long ago. If he has a job, it’s his 15^th one in the last three years. He leaves all the heavy serious stuff of finances, home repair, cooking, laundry and yard work to his significant other or his mother to deal with, stress about and lose her health over. After all, he has to play World of Warcraft. If  you meet this man, move on quickly.  The sex will be great, but the rest of the time you’ll just be babysitting.

 4.  The Chef.  Highly sought after by career women these days, this guy is just a bit overrated. This kind of guy probably gets invited to a lot of potlucks and has a lot of friends due to his culinary skills, however, cooking a great meal every night is not as useful a skill as being good at the home repairs.  After all, and I do speak from experience here, screwing up a really good meal is far easier to recover from financially than replacing that wall that was supposed to be a weight bearing wall and should never have been removed in the first place.  So, if all he brings to the table are his culinary skills, maybe you should look further.

5.  The Partner.  This man is golden.  He’s also a rare find. He is intelligent, capable, resourceful, has good table manners and uses good grammar when speaking and writing.  He’s smart enough to know not to belch at the dinner table, knows which fork to use in a nice restaurant and leaves the seat down for The Other Partner.  He’s a fully vested partner in the firm called Relationship. He doesn’t shirk responsibility, he has people skills, knows how to negotiate the differences in order to reach conclusions that work in the best interests of the other Partner and stakeholders in The Firm.  If he can’t fix it himself, he knows just the right person for the job and will make sure it gets done. He does what he says he will do and doesn’t make commitments he can’t keep.  He’s confident, not needy, won’t play games but will tell you exactly where he stands. When in corporate meetings he doesn’t seek to force his views or goals on others, but instead seeks to influence or persuade while fully allowing the other parties to make their own choices even though he might be very passionate about his own perspectives. He provides information and options instead of coercing. The Partner, while, intelligent, confident and capable, realizes that The Firm he is vested in is a collaborative team venture and not a top down organization where all the decisions run through the senior partner without consideration of the other entities involved.  He works hard and is fully committed to his own success as well as the success of The Firm and others he partners with.  He’s not a workaholic but recognizes that in order to be the best Partner he can be, he must take care of himself too. If you are fortunate enough to find yourself as a Partner in a Firm with a man like this stay with the Firm and work collaboratively with this man and you’ll be golden too!

A Song, Some Memories, The Kentucky Derby and A Passport

Sometimes I seriously wonder what rock I’ve been hiding under.  I mentioned in my last post that a friend sent me a song.  That song prompted me to go find the video for it and I got distracted and my last post happened instead of this one. 

Back in the day I was a fan of  The Human League, The Eurythmics, Men At Work, Bananarama and other groups of this musical genre.  Obviously, being a starving college student, I didn’t have tons of stereo equipment (unlike many of my friends who had the whole slew of components, thanks to their Daddys’ wallets) so I didn’t purchase albums or tapes.  I just listened to whatever people played.  I never heard this song.  Not once.  Until yesterday.

Now, those readers who’ve journeyed with me for a bit, know that I’ve lived under a rock ,for the most part, the last couple of decades of my life.  (Yes, I’m being a bit facetious…dont’ take everything so seriously!)  While most people were working on careers or having good marriages and building stable financial lives for their families, I was doing none of this.  What I was doing was occupying my time being something for someone else.  This something was not me and the resulting crash and burn of it all has me rethinking how to do the second half of life.  Part of that rethinking has me making plans to do all the stuff I’ve wanted to do, but because I lived under a rock with fairly unadventurous people, never did.  I no longer feel I need to have a companion with me before I begin my adventure.  I’m gradually crawling out from the rock. 

I sometimes get momentarily down and discouraged because the rock I’m crawling out from is heavy right now, however it is not nearly as heavy as it was last year at this time.  It is also not going to be this heavy next year at this time if things continue for me as they have been.  In fact, I determined that this year, in a step of faith and optimism and personal accountability, I am getting my passport.

I do sometimes feel like I’m starting out behind in life, but after this weekend’s Kentucky Derby race, I’m thinking it is still possible for me to come from behind and finish strong.  Below is a clip of that amazing race if you didn’t see it.   To see how really dramatic this upset was, forward the video to the end where they show the replay.  This horse started out the race 15 lengths behind the pack.  They didn’t even have him on the video for most of the race!  He just punched it at the end.  Hey, I think I can do that too!  Now, all I need is a good rider jockey!!!!  (LOL!  I could not resist that!)

Here’s the vid.  Enjoy!