I was over at one of my favorite bloggy friends homesites today checking up on what she was thinking about things and she wrote a bit about cosmetic surgery and a better sex life. Okay, I wanted to comment…but I totally didn’t want to take center stage with it. Instead, I left some smart ass tongue-in-cheek comment that, hopefully, made people think but didn’t take over the conversation. My response as posted was:
All those 80-year-old people in the retirement homes who are getting married these days are sunk without plastic surgery. How can they possibly have a fulfilling, rewarding sex life if they simply just don’t look the part of our plastic, superficial, Hollywood driven, hedonistic, entertainment oriented culture? Sucks to be them I guess!
I was responding more to the other commenters than to BigLittleWolf’s post. My friend, BigLittleWolf, has some great things to say…and she’s way more diplomatic than I am. She said some really important things here and posed some great questions…in a far more diplomatic way that I would have. I so wanted to call bullshit on some of the people leaving comments. You’ll just have to go there and read her post and make your own decision. Her post clearly touched a few nerves with me because here I am, posting a response.
First off the issue of visual stimulation being a male phenomenon was presented. I wanted to call bullshit on that because nothing could be further from the truth. I can’t tell you the number of times my panties have gotten wet because the fireman on duty down at Fire Station #4 a block away decided to flex his muscle during a presentation to the school children. Men don’t have a corner on the visual stimulation market. They just have better marketing and a bigger market share at this time. Women get turned on my a guy’s good looks too. If you want me to do the research I can, but, seriously, you can do your own and come to the same conclusions.
Second, the reason women don’t have the reputation for getting turned on by the visual in quite the same way that men do is because it simply takes a bit more for us to jizz in our pants than a pretty smile, some big biceps and a bulging set of boxer briefs. We are, after all, the ones being penetrated and encroached upon. A deposit is often left and sometimes that deposit develops into an account that requires regular deposits and close supervision until it matures. If Mr. Bulging Boxer Brief decides to take his leave of what is now not just me but us, then who’s going to be left taking the responsibility for this new account? She is. It behooves us to be extremely picky about those we allow to make deposits in our bank. Looks simply can’t be the be all end all in relationship…for a woman. We need more than just a nice “vision” to make sex the best it can be. (Note: how many men are getting penis extensions these days?) We need old school things like trust, connection, intellect, respect, loyalty and responsibility in order to feel safe enough to give up our most vunerable self to another for the long haul.
Finally, the entire cosmetic surgery and the whole recreate yourself from the outside out trend is conspiring to undo authenticity and relationship in our country. Nothing is real anymore and most of us don’t even have our original teeth let alone our original body parts. This preoccupation with how things appear at the expense of seeing things and people as they really are concerns me. After all, I still believe what my mama told me, “Beauty is only skin deep.” I don’t care how big the price tag that beauty has on it. Ten years after those implants have been implanted and I’m going to have to be looking at further surgery am I going to be any better person for it? Will my relationships be better because I have size 38 DD boobs in spite of the fact that I abuse my lover and mistreat the waitresses when we go out? Will my life be greatly improved over the long haul because my muffin top over my size 3 pants is less that it would be hanging over a size 10 pair of American Eagle jeans? Do I really need to have that reconstructive foot surgery to make my feet a size 6 from their original size 9.5 just because little feet are prettier? Really? Are my smaller feet going to make me more sensual, more considerate, more giving and more kind in bed or anywhere else?
I don’t know. The whole preoccupation with our physical appearance at the expense of becoming really quality people worth knowing bothers me just a bit.
Can you tell?