Ahhh, infatuation, passion, romance…love! The fairy tale everyone seeks…the nightmare many experience after the “I Do’s” are said. The truth of the matter is the relationship before marriage is carefree, romantic and, yes, dreamier, than it often turns out when reality hits. This is the shock many face when the fairy tale crumbles and deteriorates:
Okay, so life and romance don’t always crack up to be what we hope or expect when we enter in. However, this is not to say that things can’t be very, very good in spite of the garbage that life can throw at us and that we heap upon ourselves with our own insecurities, weaknesses, and stuff.
I think, if two people can be realistic enough about how life can really zap the romance and passion out of a relationship and if they can remain focused on the good things while still working to improve the less than ideal things, then maybe, maybe they will weather the storms of life and the natural progression of romance from something passionately fiery to something deeper, more settled and completely secure for both people. That is, if something completely secure can occur. I think many mistake the transition from fiery passion to a settled deeper love as a loss of love rather than a transition to something better, deeper, finer than what the first relationship could contain.
I know I’m looking for that first passionate relationship that is fiery, exciting and fun, but I’m also long past the days of believing that a good stable long term relationship will stay this passionate, exciting way forever. I believe it evolves into something deeper, richer, more fullfilling and wonderful than any romantic passion could do alone. Yet, it is not without romance and passion. It is just that the nature of the romance and passion have changed. The relationship beocmes deeper, richer and far, far more meaningful that the first romantic involvement was. It is the glance across the table at dinner when my kids are squabbling and he squelches the riff raff effectively without excalating the tension. It is the brief touch at the counter as the dishes are being cleaned up, indicating “I’ll be there for you later. Meet me at 10 in our room.” It is collapsing in bed after a grueling and discouraging day, too exhausted to move and finding the energy to say physically, “I love you, no matter how tired I am.” It his him returning the favor in ways that are meaningful me that might be tests of sheer endurance for him. It is simply knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are good for him and he is so very good for you and that together the two of you are better than either of you ever were apart. It is knowing that he has your back and you have his…no matter what.
The fairy tale doesn’t exactly look the same after 5, 10, 15, 20 years of marriage.
I think it is even better than most can even imagine.
The deal is, it just doesn’t happen by accident.